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The Physics Enigmas And Consciousness Enigmas Files "The PEACE-Files"
P. E. A. C. E.
Publication Ltd presents:
The Contents of the:
Following are the contents of a seven part book presenting the worlds first continious and comprehensive interpretation of the Christiona prophesy commonly known as the Apocalypse. This is thus claimed as:
"The Ultimate Explaination for the
Biblical Book of Revelations"
Although the Subject of the Book takes References in Religious Prophesies, it is not Religion Oriented.
The Interest in--and the Connection to--the Religious Prophesies, is Purely on the basis of Physics and Neurological Theoretical Considerations regarding Man's Perception of the Phenomena of Time. This is explained throughout the Book in it's following 7 Parts:
00 : Introductions
The Presentation of the Book.
01 : Preface The Interpretations Quantum Mechanical, Neurological and Spiritual Justification. 02 : Premises The Reality Justification for the Book. 03 : Interpretations Introductions The Prophesies Anouncements. The Indications for the Place of Manifestation and the Prophesy Message. 04 : Prophesy's First Part The Rupture of the Seven Seals.
The "How it was!" Part.
05 : Prophesy's Second Part The Blowing of the Seven Trumpets.
The "What Happened!" Part One.
06 : The Intermezzo The Consequences for the Person recieving the Prophesy .
The "What Happened!" Part Two.
07 : Prophesy's Third Part The Seven Bowels of God's Anger
The "How it became" Part.
08 : The Conclusions: The End of the Prophesy. 09 : Epilogue The Conclusions and Discussions.
The book Autobiography of Mr. 666, presented here
has not had any proofreading.
The Prophesy Part One
“The Rupture of the
Part One Introductions.
“I was part of life at last, and in the midst of the excitement I discovered liquor. I forgot the strong warnings and the prejudices of my people concerning drink.”
Bill’s Story. The Big Book of the Amateur Angels.
Alcoholism and the Magic of Alcohol in Humanity.We begin this introduction with a discussion of the most widespread recreational practice in humanity, which is the drinking of alcohol and then suffering from the malady that comes with it, with the later being the one that most people do generally not want to know about, as they are affected by it, directly or indirectly. This is the malady of alcohol addiction, but in these writings, all pollution of the human brain with chemicals that replace the natural neuro-transmitters, is given the title alcoholism. This may appear in addictive, none-addictive and co-dependent addictive forms and is now affecting all of the population in the western cultures. This addiction percentage was estimated at 5% of the population in 1920, but in 2000 it had--conservatively calculated--become 25%, of which 15% were addicted to alcohol, 5% to illegal chemicals and 5% to legal drugs, at any given time.
This is a reflection of about 70% of the population currently trying alcohol (or other chemicals) at any given time, resulting in 36% of them becoming addicted alcoholics, but the remaining 30% of the population are children and those who never drink alcohol. Of the 70% that try alcohol, the 36% represent that become addicted represent the 25% of the total population, with the remaining 45% usually becoming none-addicted alcoholics, which are also co-dependent alcoholics along with the remaining 30% none-drinking population. These figures are now growing at an alarming exponential growth rate with each generation, with no one knowing conclusively how serious the consequences are for our genetic legacy, or what can be done about the problem other than trying to control it through legislative punishment, which is counterproductive and only accelerate it.
What do our Sciences really know about Alcoholism?Although our scientists have mountains of isolated knowledge about the brain's functions and malfunctions, they do not know what the "X" factor is, nor for that matter, what alcoholic addiction is. This is owing to the fact that they have not solved the riddle of the human brain but here the main issue is our understanding of consciousness, or rather the lack of it. The word that most neuroscientists used to express both consciousness and the brain is "mind", representing the contents of consciousness, which is assumed to be nothing more than electrochemical surges among the nerve cells in the brain's seat of consciousness. However, some are open to the possibility that the "mind", or consciousness could exist independently, but do not know how. The very lack of an ultimat insight into this is what hinders our scientists in solving the riddles of the human brain’s fundamental programming, functional organization, storage and retrieval of memory information as well as for its malfunctions which our scientists are still groping in the dark. This includes alcoholism and all the other addictions variants.
This lack of an ultimate understanding of the brain and its functions is then reflected in the utter inability of our neuroscientists to explain the addictions and to produce a solution for them. What is even worse is the fact that these disciplines are behind the psychological and psychiatric psycho reactive chemical treatment of this world’s most widespread ailment and are thus using the same method for healing that originally created the problem. Another major negative consequence of the neuroscientist’s lack of proper brain modeling is reflected in its inability to produce explanations for the multitude of neurosis and psychiatric illnesses and their connection to man’s use of alcohol and other psycho reactive chemicals. Even worse is the neuroscientists and chemists denial of their lack of knowledge, which along with the same kind of denial by the psychological and psychiatric disciplines, produces the distract alcoholics and addicts from the proper solution, which is the spiritual one presented by the Amateur Angels.
Since the alcohol effects the reality perception through the subtle alterations in the brain’s fundamental natural programming, it consequentially alters its performance, not just directly, but also indirectly through the collective “alcohol-mentality”, which renders it un-necessary for a man to drink alcohol himself to become effected by it, but this fact is for the most part hidden from our neuroscientists. This in turn alters the general social behavior, which means that this “alcohol-mentality” is writing our history without us being aware of it and is further the cause for most of our terminal statistical sicknesses, which are caused by the DNA-functional disorders called “the DNA-filters,” in the QF-brainmodels, and which originate in this pollution.
Brain-modeling that makes the QF-interpretations Possible.A major part of the reasons for our scientists not having solved the riddle of the human brain and consciousness is in the fact that some fundaments of quantum reality are still missing in the “standard model of physics”. The ideas that represent these missing insights, which have primarily to do with the connection between quantum mechanics and general relativity, are provided for the first time through the QF-unification theory. The quantum reality models that this theory offers is in turn the base for comprehensive brainmodels that describe healthy brain programming, functions and malfunctioning. This is the reason for the Book of Revelation prophesies being about the discovery of this theoretical unification model, that for the first time conclusively explains the effects of alcohol on the human brain. These physics insights represent additional insights to the standard model and essentially verify Albert Einstein’s 1926 intuition comment: “Quantum mechanics is certainly imposing. But an inner voice tells me it is not yet the real thing. The theory says a lot, but does not really bring us closer to the secret of the old one.”.
As an aid to the readers understanding of the QF-interpretations of the Revelation’s Seven Seals--and for that matter the rest of the interpretations--it is imperative that he have some insight into the QF-brain model’s holistic arrangement of the human brain, but without this insight the interpretation is not possible. It is for this reason that we offer here in this introduction some relatively simplistic QF-brainmodels graphics that should render the causes for the addictions (alcohol and drugs) comprehesible but relative to the complexity of the reality they describes, these explanations are actually quite simple.
What is decisive in the explanations is the fact that the QF-theory’s insights provide the much sought after links between quantum mechanics and general relativity and at the same time offers particle symmetries that incorporate this vital feature. The resulting relative-directions in the particle wave functions in turn offer new insights into the properties of the matter and antimatter sides of the photon and thus a new and vital understanding of the twofold properties of the wave of consciousness, that in turn renders it holistic and solve its fundamental riddles. The QF-theory’s fundamental symmetry of the universe at the end of the birth of time provides insights into the symmetric nature of life that is built into the structure of the DNA-molecule and the functions of its nucleotides, which in turn render the organization of the neocortex of the human brain holistic. It also presents the explanations for the brain’s intrinsic “program-knowledge” of its own material and spatial reality organization. This, in conjunction with the wave of consciousness, is the key to the understanding of life itself. The QF-theory’s demand that ALL Fermions (matter particles) be composed of triplicate membrane- shell-waves—Leptons as well as Baryons (3 quarks)—also requires that the quantum field flow of the photons be also composed of triplicate membrane-shell-waves. This provides a physics explanation for the composition of the spinal energy flow to the wave of consciousness, that matches the insights by the ancient sages of Egypt and Greek, as well as the yogi sages of India and provides the fundaments for the understanding of consciousness and the brain’s memory storage and retrieval. It is the malfunction of this arrangement that is the rout cause of all the neurological and psychological malfunctions of man and the insights into its proper functions that provide the explanations for the correction of man’s DNA-programs, as well as the phenomenon known as miracles. In these insight are also to be found the most important explanations for the difference between the healthy quantum change process and the malfunctioning quantum change process that produces psychiatric illnesses and the epileptic seizures, but these are to-day not know in molecular biology and neuro-physiology, resulting in the treatment of these pathological conditions with chemicals that aggravate the addiction situation in humanity. This amounts to trying to cure a problem with the same method it was created.
The Simplistic QF-brainmodels for the Healthy Brain.In order to provide the reader with an insight into the descriptions here prior, four simplistic graphics that show us the brain and consciousness overview arrangements are presented in figures #016, #017, #018, and #019. Here figure #016 shows the basic division of the brain, figure #017 the main neuro-transmitter poles in the brain, figure #018 the holo-symmetric arrangement of consciousness and brain, with figure #019 showing the brain's fundamental programming division and memory arrangement.
The Brain's Divisions.
Figure 016The QF-brainmodels uses the standard 7 part division of the brain, here shown with the three-colored lines in the left hemisphere denoting the electromagnetic field of consciousness that unites the 24 to 30.000.000.000 pyramid neurons in the neo-cortex, into one reality that represents the individual. The QF-brainmodels for consciousness is a dual field independent of the brain, except for its contents, but the QF-modeling refrains from using the confusing term “mind” that is a term pertaining to the brain’s unsolved riddles.
A major novel approach for analyzing the brain are functional centers known as the “mirror neurons”, shown here in figure #017 below, but these two poles contain on one side the ego-self perception centers and the speech centers and on the other side the compassion centers and the spiritual centers, but these regulate between them the brain’s neuro-transmitter production. These in turn regulate the brain’s reality perception.
The Neuro-transmitter Poles of the Brain.
Figure 017The next graphic number #018 on the next page shows how nature achieves the miracle of the holographic properties in the brain’s construction, but this arrangement has rendered the brain’s secrets so hard to crack. In the top half of the graphic is shown how the holographic properties of the wave of consciousness, through the twofold electromagnetic quantum field of consciousness, produced by the photon, contain both a matter side and an antimatter side. In the lower half we have the brain’s construction principle based on the QF-model’s even distribution of the DNA’s nucleotides into exons and introns, creating a twofold holographic brain arrangement.
The Holo-symmetric Brain.It is this arrangement that renders it possible for our consciousness to be retrieving DNA-stored holographic photon information, while at the same time storing holographic photon information in the DNA, a feature that is unthinkable with the "mind model" of electrochemical action impulse surges amongst the nerve cells in the seat of consciousness.
Figures #019 presents the same insight, but in a different perspective giving an idea of the brain’s fundamental primary and secondary programming distribution and memory storage. One of the major insights of importance that this brain modeling offers, is that the brain’s fundamental programming is divide in such a manner that in the dominating spatial side introns are the causative programs which initiate all thoughts. This means that in the dominating matter side exons are the executive programs, which execute all thought actions. This is in particular important when it comes to understanding the addiction sicknesses and the gradually altered character and personality trades in individuals suffering from these alterations.
The Brains Programming and Memory Divisions.The control organ of men is thus similar to a well organized firm or government having a management branch and an executive branch. This means that the life of the individual is always controlled by the causative spatial management side, the question is just concerning the amount of functional disturbances accumulated in its executive branch DNA-intron nucleotides.
The QF-Mechanism that creates the Chemical Addictions.According to the QF-brainmodels, the brain’s neo-cortex--the brain’s seat of consciousness—consists of about 24 to 30.000.000.000 fundamental program neurons, so called pyramid neurons (this is disregarding the so called glia neurons). It is in this area that the primary flow of the electromagnetic field of consciousness (the thinking) takes place as shown in figure #016 and in this area the neurons exercise the exchange of excitatory and inhibitory neuro-transmitters through which their collective reality perceptions for the whole of the brain are regulated.
In normal brain functions, this takes place through electric action impulses fired by the neurons in accordance with their acceptance or submission of holographic memory photons, but this decides at the same time the number of neurons taking part in the thinking process. Each neuron has anywhere from a 100 to a 1000 dendrite tentacles connecting them to other neurons through a small gap known as the synaptic cleft, through which the neuro-transmitter exchanges take place. This means that as many as 6 to 700.000.000.000 such exchanges may be taking place in the brain every second, during awakening hours. The exchanges in the synaptic clefts take place through an initial discharge followed by what is known as the re-uptake, or the return of some of the discharged neuro-transmitters which takes place through the altered electrical polarization of the receiving neuron (post-synaptic neuron).
Again according to the QF-brainmodels, the mysterious process that takes place in the brain while in it are present chemicals that are not naturally in the brain produced neuro-transmitters, is an erroneous deposit of holographic memory photons in the wrong DNA-memory and program storage places. These are chemical that are similar in structure to the natural ones and who have come across the brains so called blood-brain-barrier and entered into the neurons via the brain’s fluids. As the neurons try to use these chemicals as neuro-transmitters, the normal synaptic exchange process fails, producing what is known as the “failed re-uptake” which is shown in figure #020.
Failed Re-uptake and False Receipt Polarization.The failed re-uptake synaptic exchanges are a part of wrong discharge that alters the polarization of the receiving neuron opposite to what the natural neuro-transmitters would have achieved and this in turn is the cause for the erroneous deposit of the holographic memory photons. These erroneously deposited photons—called filters in the QF-brainmodels--in turn disturbs the neuro-transmitter production program and later it—usually the neuro-inhibitor production program--of the effected neuron and thus over an extended time decreases the production of the neuron’s reward neuro-transmitters, thus gradually forcing the individual to seek external chemicals that artificially replace these.
Accumulative Filter Deposits in the Brain’s Spatial Introns.As this takes place on repeated basis over years, it not only produces the addiction in the individual’s nerve-system, but through accumulative filters alters the fundamental programming in his brain’s spatial hemispheric introns and in turn alters the character and personality of the individual. These filters are what the 12-step program of the Amateur Angels calls “character defects”, but in the religions this is variably known at the “seven deadly sins”, “karma” or simply the “Devil”. The progressive accumulation of the filters may turn the individual into an insane psychotic wreck before he terminates in premature death as indicated in E. M. Jellinek’s MD research findings. Such individuals do not have a possibility to abstain from the chemicals that are killing them unless they succeed in getting rid of the erroneous filter program indicated in figure #021.
What is now being discovered is that the fundamental survival program character trades of humans are genetically passed on to the next generation in accordance with the laws of genetic inheritance discovered in the nineteenth century by the Austro-Hungarian monk, Johann Gregor Mendel. Mendel who made controlled experiments with green and yellow beans discovered that the genetic inheritance might pass through several generations before being expressed. An example of explanation this offered may be seen in the case of a white man and a black woman having a black child, which in turn would have a black child, which would then also have a black child that would have a white offspring. This is also the case with alcoholism and other addiction sicknesses where the accumulated filter inheritance may not necessarily be expressed in the next generation and may even be delayed for several generations. According to the findings of the QF-brainmodels, the filter is also responsible for most of the epilepsies and all of the psychiatric illnesses, but their association with the ancestral living habits is in many cases hidden due to delayed expression of the filter, as well as the toxic shame denial factor that is dominant in families. As the fact of the now rapidly accelerating growth of alcoholism and other addictions is gradually becoming undeniable, this is now gradually dawning on the consciousness of health authority individuals who are utterly powerless over its control, not to mention the reversal of this lethal evolution.
Of all the looming threats facing humanity the now rapidly growing alcohol and drug addiction is by far the worst, primarily due to the fact that we do not fully realize the danger it presents. This problem is not just a health problem but a general management problem directed at the pillars of society, the foundations of law and order, which hold civilization together.
The First Symptom of Alcoholism; Denial.In the art of Anthropology we study various aspects of the cultural trades of Man and amongst other such analyses, make assessments of their value for survival. A major part of this study has been to discover why it is that the cultures so often gradually build up only to collapse in a relatively short span of time, but this trend is seen now by many seen as a global threat to all cultures. In this research man has been severely handicapped since he has not had the benefit of a neurological understanding of the human brain and its malfunctions. With the cultural trades in modern societies have now been collectively developing through the communication and trade explosion after World War Two and the global cultures have become more and more assimilated, mainly through the proliferation of television and the widespread travel. This global development has also had major effect in popularizing and magnifying the alcohol recreation culture, to which the illegal drug culture is attached and to which the counterproductive pharmaceutical drug treatments are bound to follow. This is the framework behind the now exponentially growing sickness of alcoholism in the form of addiction to alcohol, illegal drugs and psychological medication whose prime symptom is the shame phenomenon of denial. Since the addicts also affect seriously and lethally those who are close to them—generally known as co-dependant or just dependant—they also acquire the first symptom of the addiction, the toxic shame denial. The frame of this hidden development was first cracked through the foundation of the Amateur Angels and followed through with the research by E. M. Jellinek MD. These developments have now produced hundred of thousands of recovered individuals with extensive knowledge of the alcoholic-addict character and behavior trades and how to counteract the denial factor.
Phases of Alcohol Addiction, by E. M. Jellinek.As the central theme of the prophesy of the Book of Revelation begins with the “four dreaded horsemen of the apocalypse”, which many a brilliant brain has puzzled over for centuries, having little realization that this was a metaphorical description of the accelerating growth of alcoholism, then it is fitting that we start with the story of how this connecting insight became possible. Such a connection could only be made after the middle of the 20th century, which saw the first meaningful research into this syndrome, but this came about through the 1935 foundation of the Amateur Angles and their addiction recovery program, which ten years later had produced a great number of recovered alcoholics. These people had returned to their wits and become capable of describing their experience, but previously any research attempts through interviewing active alcoholics had failed, as these either lied or did not realize what was happening to them.
This was first realized in 1944 when a New York doctor, Marty Mann (founder of National Council on Alcoholism)--her self a recovered alcoholic--made the insight that alcoholism had become researchable and took it to the Yale biostatistician and physiologist, Elvin Morton Jellinek. Doctor Mann then--along with others--financed Jellinek’s famous 1946-1950 United States study of recovering alcoholics. This study began with a 1946 questionnaire study of, members of Amateur Angles, and for the first time formulated a concept of phases in the drinking history of alcoholics. With the original publication of this concept Jellinek outlined a more detailed questionnaire, which in the intervening years was administered to some 2,000 alcoholics. The elaboration of the phase's concept resulting from analysis of these additional materials then presented the world for the first time with a description of the changes that take place in the psychological and spiritual make-up of alcoholics through a 4 phases (stage), 44 step progression. The results were then presented by Jellinek in lectures at the Yale Summer School of Alcohol Studies in 1951 and 1952 and at the European Seminar on Alcoholism in Copenhagen 1951, but the summary of the findings of these lectures were soon accepted by the Alcoholism Subcommittee of the World Health Organization (WHO).
The Disease Conception of Alcohol Addiction.In a 1960 book, THE DISEASE CONCEPT OF ALCOHOLISM, E. M. Jellinek presents the arguments for describing types of alcoholism as pathological and tells the story of its acceptance in the 1950s, by the US health authorities and the World Health Organization, but here following are its definitions.
"The WHO Subcommittee has distinguished two categories of alcoholics, namely, “alcohol addicts” and “habitual symptomatic excessive drinkers.” For brevity’s sake the latter will be referred to as non-addictive alcoholics, with the disease conception applying to the alcohol addicts only, but not to the habitual symptomatic excessive drinkers. In both groups the excessive drinking is symptomatic of underlying psychological or social pathology, but in one group after several years of excessive drinking “loss of control” over the alcohol intake occurs, while in the other group this phenomenon never develops. The group with the “loss of control” is designated as “alcohol addicts.”
The disease conception of alcohol addiction does not apply to the excessive drinking, but solely to the “loss of control” which occurs in only one group of alcoholics and then only after many years of excessive drinking. There is no intention to deny that the non-addictive alcoholic is a sick person; but his ailment is not the excessive drinking, but rather the psychological or social difficulties from which alcohol intoxication gives temporary surcease. The “loss of control” is a disease condition per se which results from a process that superimposes itself upon those abnormal psychological conditions of which excessive drinking is a symptom. The fact that many excessive drinkers drink as much as or more than the addict for 30 or 40 years without developing loss of control indicates that in the group of “alcohol addicts” a superimposed process must occur.
Whether this superimposed process is of a psychopathological nature or whether some physical pathology is involved cannot be stated as yet with any degree of assurance, the claims of various investigators notwithstanding. Nor is it possible to go beyond conjecture concerning the question whether the “loss of control” originates in a predisposing factor (psychological or physical), or whether it is a factor acquired in the course of prolonged excessive drinking.
The fact that this “loss of control” does not occur in a large group of excessive drinkers would point towards a predisposing X factor in the addictive alcoholics. On the other hand this explanation is not indispensable as the difference between addictive and nonaddictive alcoholics could be a matter of acquired modes of living--for instance, a difference in acquired nutritional habits."
Matching Jellinek's Findings to the Revelation.The progression of the alcohol caused psychological personality changes in the individual, discovered by E.M. Jellinek, can of course be portrayed in many different ways. Like everything else, it may be described through forms of visual images, such as the dramatic and spiritual prophetic/poetic metaphors represented in the Revelation’s four colored horses and their rider. These two parallel pictures--one in the form of research data, the other in metaphors--are here in the QF-interpretations, connected for the first time in history, where it is the same person who rides all four horses, but the metaphors of the riders fits perfectly and in simplicity, the dominating trades of the alcoholic going through each phase.
For the purpose of giving the reader an overview of the progression of the four phases of the alcohol addiction we have taken Dr. Jellinek's "Chart of Alcohol Addiction" and taken the liberty of adding to it the four "Apocalyptic Riders", plus a general consumption and effect graph, which is only an educated estimation. This is presented on the opposite page as figure #022.
The diagram for the course of alcohol addiction is based on an analysis of more than two thousand drinking histories of male alcohol addicts. Not all symptoms shown in the diagram occur necessarily in all alcohol addicts, nor do they occur in every addict in the same sequence. The “phases” and the sequences of symptoms within the phases are characteristic, however, of the great majority of alcohol addicts and represent what may be called the average trend.
For alcoholic women the “phases” are not as clear-cut as in men and the development is frequently more rapid. The “phases” vary in their duration according to individual characteristics and environmental factors. The “lengths” of the different phases on the diagram do not indicate differences in duration, but are determined by the number of symptoms which have to be shown in any given phase.
The chart of the phases of alcohol addiction serves as the basis of description, and the differences between addictive and non-addictive alcoholics are indicated in the text.
MODIFYED CHART OF ALCOHOL ADDICTION
Throughout the ages, men have described phenomena, which they have not be able to explain, as being either white or black, magic, depending on its benefit to men. This description fits the effects of alcohol in the human constitution, but they are still magical in the sense that men do not have the last word on its explanation, with the alcohol usually appearing as “white magic” in its initial use, then, either fast or gradually, it will show its true nature, or that of the “black magic of Hell and Death”.
This Part One of the three part prophesy, describes the appearance of this black magic in the alcoholic progression of the Aquarian, including his initial recovery through admission into detoxification and rehabilitation therapy, which leads to an introduction into the Amateur Angles. This is followed by his 12-step-work, which is culminated in the “seventh step-seventh seal” spiritual experience that starts his progression into spiritual awakening and saves his life.
We shall thus begin to learn more about this effect in the life of the Aquarian, through the wonderful story of his addiction progression enfolding in this book, which in accordance with the traditions of the recovering alcoholics, starts with the classical “How it was” part of the alcoholic’s story. This is then followed by the first part of “What happened”, which leads to the Amateur Angels and its recovery work culminating in the “seventh step-seventh seal” spiritual experience that starts his progression into spiritual awakening.
“Why didst thou leave the trodden paths of men
Too soon, and with weak hands though mighty heart
Dare the unpastured dragon in his den?
Defenseless as thou wert, oh, where was then
Wisdom, the mirrored shields...?”
P. B. Shelley.
Part One, Chapter One
(Book of Revelation Chapter 6.)
The Rupture of
the First Seal
The Teenage Years and the Early Twenties in the Author's Life. His Progression in the First Stage of None-addicted Alcoholism
during his 13rd to 23rd Years of Life.
“Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is
bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people.”
More about alcoholism. The Big Book of the Amateur Angels.
Book of Revelation Chapter 6.
1) Then I saw the Lamb break open the first of the seven seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice that sounded like thunder, “Come!” 2) I looked, and there was a white horse. Its rider held a bow, and he was given a crown. He rode out as a conqueror to conquer.
THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 6 : 1-2.The first two seals in the prophesy ruptured by Apallo Aquarian, represent the two Non-addicted Alcoholic Stages, or the Purely Symptomatic Phase. These are The Prealcoholic Symptomatic Phases and The Predromal Phase to Addiction of the alcoholic progression, which in his case are rather extended taking him through 20 years of drinking, or from the 13th to the 33rd year of his life. These are the none-pathlogical phases of alcoholism.
The first Jellinek phase, or The Prealcoholic Symptomatic Phase of the Aquarian's alcoholic progression corresponds to the First Seal in the Revelation and deals with the changes in his personality during the years from 13 to 23.
"1) Then I saw the Lamb break open the first of the seven seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice that sounded like thunder, “Come!” 2) I looked, and there was a white horse. Its rider held a bow, and he was given a crown. He rode out as a conqueror to conquer."
This seal pertains to his early teens when the Aquarian's begins to steal alcohol from his father, which happens to be White Horse Whisky. This beginning of the use of alcoholic beverages is giving him and does indeed make him feel self-assured feeling like a conqueror. Here the one crown denotes the one sided selfassured and arrogant personality produced by the alcohol. At 18 the drinking progresses into experiences of rewarding emotional relief the alcohol produces in crises and at this time an increase in alcohol tolerance is noticed.
END OF QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 6 : 1-2.
Prealcoholic Symptomatic Phase : Jellinek's Enquiry.“The very beginning of the use of alcoholic beverages is always socially motivated in the prospective addictive and nonaddictive alcoholic. In contrast to the average social drinker, however, the prospective alcoholic (together with the occasional symptomatic excessive drinker) soon experiences a rewarding relief in the drinking situation. The relief is strongly marked in his case because either his tensions are much greater than in other members of his social circle, or he has not learned .to handle those tensions as others do.
Initially this drinker ascribes his relief to the situation rather than to the drinking and he seeks therefore those situations in which incidental drinking will occur. Sooner or later, of course, he becomes aware of the contingency between relief and drinking.
In the beginning he seeks this relief occasionally only, but in the course of 6 months to 2 years his tolerance for tension decreases to such a degree that he takes recourse to alcoholic relief practically daily.
Nevertheless his drinking does not result in overt intoxication, but he reaches toward the evening a stage of surcease from emotional stress. Even in the absence of intoxication this involves fairly heavy drinking, particularly in comparison to the use of alcoholic beverages by other members of his circle. The drinking is, nevertheless, not conspicuous either to his associates or to himself. After a certain time an increase in alcohol tolerance may be noticed, i.e., the drinker requires a somewhat larger amount of alcohol than formerly, in order to reach the desired stage of sedation. This type of drinking behavior may last from several months to 2 years according to circumstances and may be designated as the prealcoholic phase, which is divided into stages of occasional relief-drinking and constant relief-drinking.”
The Non-addicted Alcoholic Teenage Years and the
Early Twenties in the Life of the Aquarian.
The Rupture of the First Seal.We have come to the beginning of the first part of the actual events of the prophesy, “The Breaking of the Seals.” This is to where our Aquarian’s personal life experiences, begins to become capable of connecting to the Book of Revelations. It is here where the Dragon appears which has to do with changes in the Aquarian’s brain’s function; unnatural, but commonplace changes. This is the beginning of the Aquarian’s use of alcohol, which in turn starts a gradual development of an emotionally unstable subconscious in his brains spatial hemisphere, or none speech hemisphere. This being “The Beast that Comes Out of the Sea,” and whose “One of the Heads Seemed Fatally Wounded but had Healed.” Here the reference is to the “First of the Two Beast” mentioned in Revelation 13 and we later get to meet, when we also meet the other beast of the brain’s left hemisphere (material/earth, speech hemisphere), which on occasions “Speaks Like a Dragon” and for whose name the number 666 stands. All this needs explaining through the language of contemporary quantum reality, neurology and psychobiology and is therefore something witch is the subject of other writings. The main point here is that in contrast to what modern psychology believes, the left hemisphere or the material one is not the dominating hemisphere in Man’s brain but the subconscious/unconscious, which steers the actions of the individual in a most subtle manner through his instincts and underlying desires motives. The question of Man is thus a question of the condition of this brain’s spatial hemisphere.
Narration by “Merlin the Wizard.”
It is here that the Aquarian’s progression of alcoholism starts, but unusually slow, partially due to his not being allowed to go to public dances until he is 18 and to use alcohol publicly until he is 21. His drinking is more or less just flirting with alcoholic beverages, “out of bounds,” from 13 until he becomes 18, during which time he would steal small quantities of his fathers favourite scotch, “White Horse Whiskey,” which he replenishes with water. Since his brother practices the same, this leads to the father buying a safe in order to prevent his scotch from turning into water.
The Teens and All the Pretty Girls.Adolescence came like a cyclone in the life of the Aquarian as he felt the onslaught of the function of, what we like to call the “muladhara chakra” in Merlin’s language. This is the last of his glands, the testicles, which now go to work in his body and on his mind through the subconscious/unconscious, in the later part of his 13th year, somewhat later than for most of his contemporary fellows. It however, not take long until he had lost his virginity with a year younger girl, who happily obliged.
Due to his upbringing and ignorance, the experience produced a great deal of guilt and worries of conception along with a sexually preoccupied subconscious. His physical growth was slow and continued until his 18th year when he reaches his full height, 2-3 years later than the other boys of his age. However, with his dark brown eyes and hair, he did become a bit of a good looking devil in the eyes of some girls, and that was all that mattered to him.
Not long after having his first intimate experience with a girl the Aquarian had his first drink of snaps from a boy who was his idol in manliness. Manliness being something which he felt he lacked and that was giving him a feeling of being inferior, since he was slow in growing and smaller than all the other boys. It would not be long until he learned that only a small amount of alcohol would make his feelings of inferiority disappear and he started to meat occasionally with the older boys to have a sip or two of this drink that made him feel that nothing was amiss with him. He would have a few sips of alcohol that gave him a feeling of self-sufficiency and it could be said that it made him feel like a prince and that he was wearing a crown and riding out as a conqueror to conquer. His idol told him all about the effects of alcohol and warned him that people who started drinking late in their lives would become skid-row bums and soon he had forgotten all the warnings and all his fears about alcohol. His emotional life, which had already been heavily taxed by his fathers drinking bouts, became even more fluctuating and he started to “fall in love” with girls, one after the other, this with much emotional effects that would fade away as quickly as it had appeared as this “love falling” had more to do with his instincts than a natural evolution of healthy emotional ties.
The last high-school year of the Aquarian was spent in a boarding school situated in the foothills under a glacier on the south coast of the mainland of Atlantiz, where some older boys, friends of the Aquarian, who were learning to fly, landed near the school and took him for a ride, which made him a hero. Of course he was going to become a pilot, no question about it.
After high school graduation at 17 the Aquarian went through two years of being more or less lost and without being able to form any plans regarding his future. The first half of the next year was spent going through fishing boat’s engine operator’s school and this was then followed by two years of seasonal working on the fishing boats on Dragon Island. He had no idea why he was doing this, but this period in his life was accompanied by markedly increased engaging in intimate physical relations with girls.
Eventually the Aquarian’s father would approach him and press for a decision on what he intended to do for his livelihood in his life, pointing out to him that what he had acquired in the form of an education, only constituted bare minimums in order to be able to claim literacy. Through some pressure from his parents the Aquarian enrolled into a business college in the capital of Atlantiz.
The First Time for Adult Prayer.In the spring of the second year of the Aquarian’s indecisiveness he bought a small fishing lunch and during them summer he almost got himself drowned at sea when the engine broke down during a sudden onset of a storm. After the Aquarian had mad several frantic attempts at getting the engine going again, he became aware that his life was in imminent danger and exhausted he sat down in the drifting and violently rocking boat that seemed to be capsizing at any moment. He did not know why he was praying, it just seemed to be the only thing left to do. A while later, somehow re-strengthened, he calmly repaired the engine and with the only remaining ignition cartridge left to him, got it started.
The Beginning of the Aquarian’s Flying.The Aquarian had become 19 when he entered the business college in the capital of Atlantiz where the hunting-grounds for girls were much richer keeping his interest from the learning, but his interest in flying was however, rekindled. At school’s end in the spring he had become 20 and it was time that he sought out a carrier, so he started to take flying lessons and joining a glider club and in midsummer he soloed in gliders and got his motor solo. From here on there was no way that his father could get him back into college, his mind was now set. It was to become a professional pilot or bust, come hell or high water. “High water” was already part of his life; “hell” would come gradually and in full measure some 26 years later.
In the autumn the Aquarian got work as a driver for the U.S. Air Force on the NATO base in the vicinity of the capital of Atlantiz. He now spent his spare time and money taking flying lessons and dating, but working for the Air Force he began to get some handy experience with the English language. Flying required good knowledge of English.
Shortly after he became 21, the Aquarian was sought home by a lovely 18 year old foreign girl, whose errand it was to make a maternity claim against him steaming from a brief accountancy in the autumn of the year before. He reluctantly admitted being the father and promised to pay child support but never lived up to the promise. She left Atlantiz shortly after that and gave birth to a son aboard the ship on the way to her home, but the Aquarian’s subconscious gained further disturbance that would never quite leave him in peace.
The “First True Love,” the First Time Around.That spring the Aquarian was for the first time confronted with what he believed to be his first serious love for an 18 year old girl who apparently returned his sentiments. This was an altogether different experience for him and his interest in intimate physical relations with her were somehow not in the forefront. They spent all their spare time during the summer together and it seemed to suffice for them to hold hands, neck and sigh. To them it all seemed so certain and settled; they would get married and have lots of children. In the autumn her father sent her abroad for school and the romance was continued through the mail. During the mid winter her letters suddenly stopped coming and a mutual friend of theirs informed the shaky Aquarian, that his “true love” had indeed found another and it was all over between them. This was then met by his return to dances, drinks and chasing girls, but somehow his ability trusting girls had changed by this experience and he became even more inconsiderate in respecting the feelings of the girls he had affairs with. It would be during these time for the Aquarian, that he noticed that the alcohol had become a new kind of friend who seemed to sooth the hurting and make him capable of not caring.
The “Second True Love,” the First Time Around.Shortly after his break with his “first true love,” he met another lovely and gentle being which apparently was in love with him. Again he believed that he was in love for the rest of his life and they kept meeting and having intimate relations into the summer, but again the Aquarian noticed that his feeling for her were not quite the same as he had experienced with the “first true love”. Never the less, this girl was not only exceptionally beautiful but of an exceptional character to boot, but this was all to no avail since he was poorly conscious of his consciousness and his desires and motives, and that his real motives were simply to satisfy his sex drives. When he then broke of their relations he would, however, remember this girl and be aware that she was a woman that possessed the qualities of a fine wife and a partner. As he then returned to frequenting the dancehalls he did not noticed that there was something wrong with him as he was always to some degree under the influence as he had become totally incapable of approaching girls, without the aid and the encouragement of the drinks. The effect the alcohol was having in this was unknown to him, and the moral teaching which he had received during his last elementary school years and that had been of such great value to him, gradually eroded in his mind and were forgotten. It appeared to him that no one was living by any “higher principles” anyway and Christianity was but a grand hypocrisy. However, when he started to learn to fly, the part of the aviation laws that stated “A pilot shall be of good moral character.” became a looming reminder and encouragement.
The following winter, the Aquarian attended a ground course in Atlantiz for the Commercial Pilots License and Instrument Rating and then graduated in the spring with quite good grades, but he was now learning something that he was interested in and his motives were healthy. That he had already started a gradual evolution into an ever increasing state of what is called “Samsara” (Sanskrit) in some ancient philosophies of the east, and that this was changing his character, of this the Aquarian was not conscious. This meant that he was “looking into the future with the glasses of the past” and it was caused by the fact that the higher faculties of his brain, those that should have prevented this, were already numbed. The fact that his reality perception had already been altered and numbed by his use of alcohol, and that he was now acquiring an increased tolerance for alcohol, of this he had no awareness, and neither did he know what this meant. His use of alcohol was not any more or any less than what seemed to be socially accepted in Atlantiz. He would compare himself with his fellows and that comparison told him that he was doing all right. The little insights that the Aquarian gained into the purpose and processes of life, did not permit him an understanding of which direction he was progressing in and what the price for this would eventually become in terms of emotional reactions, unmanageability of his personal affairs and alienation from true happiness. He was in the midst of his progression into the reality of the life that collectively existed around him. The “Maya” in the Aquarian’s being would continue to grow.
The Second Time for Adult Prayer.In the spring of his 22nd year, the Aquarian rented an access to the use of a lovely old Canadian built biplane, a Tiger Moth and while collecting flying hours in this fun plane, he had his second confrontation with immanent premature death. On a return flight from a visit with his two younger brothers, who were attending college in the north of the country, the engine started to pre-ignite while he found himself on an “On Top” flight over the overcast covered rough mountainous terrain of Atlantiz. Just as when the Aquarian had been threatened with premature death by drowning at sea, he again started to pray and again somehow calm-ed and became capable of clear thinking which in turn enabled him to manage to get the engine to run right again and he got away.
The “First True Love,” the Second Time Around.It then came to pass one fine Saturday evening in early summer of the Aquarian’s 22nd year that he had gone to a country dance with some friends and he suddenly found himself dancing with the girl that had forgotten to write to him from abroad. They were both high on liquor and in good spirits, and now they laughed at their “childish” love affaire from the year before. He took her home leaving her with an invitation for a round robin flight the next day and after they landed on a grass field by a river in the countryside, they soon found themselves back where they had left of in their necking, except that now the sexual element was working in them full force. During the flight back to town he looped the aircraft a couple of times and the impression it made on the girl did not fail. That evening she came to his apartment and that which they had once decided would take place on their wedding night, now became reality. The Aquarian found that the old feelings for this girl had only just been stored somewhere inside him and they now came in full force into full awareness. With them came also a memory of the pain of her break with him.
The evenings and the nights of the next five months of the life of the Aquarian, were now, almost without exception, spent in the arms of this girl and they became completely emotionally and sexually hooked on each other, with a dark cloud loomed somewhere on the horizon of the Aquarian’s subconscious. The girl told him of her affairs since she had stopped her writing to him and included in this was an affair involving an abortion that would later prove to have rendered her infertile but this they did not know at the time. Her openness did not help the Aquarian already disturbed emotional life.
In the autumn in 1959 the Aquarian, along with two other young Atlantizians applied for admission to a flight training school in Fort Worth, Texas. Before the Aquarian was to leave for the United States, he was to enter a hospital for a tonsillectomy, which was supposed to take a week in the hospital but complications developed when the effects of the local anaesthetic wore of. He started getting excruciating pains and was given morphine which immediately removed the pain. Later he was taken of the morphine and put on codeine which was continued for the rest of his two weeks stay in the hospital. All during his hospitalization the Aquarians thoughts revolved around the future with his girl and he found that he was boiling with jealousy, resentments and anger that produced ambivalent feelings within him. She visited him regularly and continued to express her love for him. The war that was going on within him became unbearably hellish and he decided that he would wait with any decisions regarding their future together, until after his return from America. He simply could not handle this question at the present. Besides this he was now becoming suspicious that she might not be able to have any children, but this would later turn out to be right. When the Aquarian came out of the Hospital, he continued his affaire with the girl as though nothing was amiss.
A month before the Aquarian left for his school in America, he got a phone call from a girl he had taken home on night after a dance in the spring the same year, she claimed to be pregnant after the visit with him, but all she wanted was some assistance with the maternity costs, it had already been decided that the child would be given into legal adoption. He duly promised to send hear the help asked for, which she had legal rights to, but as with the previous such case, promptly forgot all about this. In Atlantiz, which was said to be the land of “free love,” this sort of behaviour was quite common and not generally frowned upon. His subconscious/unconscious would however, register all this fully and there would be yet another additional seed of guilt planted.
The Aquarian left his girl in the dark concerning the children he had fathered, and the same would be the case with his parents. In spite of the ambivalence that was taking place in his emotional life, he still believed that he was in love with her and that they were engaged to be married as he did believed that he would eventually be able to forget that the girl had broken with him before. Little did he know that this brake in their love had already produced the ambivalence in his sub-conscious, sub developed emotions, that had been the cause for his emotional binges in the hospital and his ambivalence was something over which his will had no power. Much the less did he realize that this would render him incapable of loving her in a healthy manner and would destroy his endeavours at loving her in a natural and unselfish way.
The Aquarian had no awareness of the involvement of the Dragon in this, much the less the development of the two Beasts that was now in the progress. Least of all did he have any notion that he was about to complete the breaking of the first of the four seals in his inevitable evolution of his alcohol induced unstable emotional constitution. He would regard his negative behaviour as well as the negative events in his life as being caused by the actions of others and would not suspect his use of alcohol as having to do with this, much the less did he have any insights into the fact that its sole cause was the alcohol.
In God’s own Country, America the Rich.On the day of the earth’s apergy, Anno Dominie 1960 the Aquarian left Atlantiz for the United States and as he went through the immigrations at New York’s Idyllwild Airport, the bells in the customs area started ringing. To his embarrassment a fluor marked compass was found in his suitcase, it had triggered the Geiger counters. He stayed with friends in New Jersey for a week, and then he was of for Texas on the Greyhound Busses. On arrival in Fort Worth he went straight to the school which was located on an airfield north of the City and on enrolment he was given lodgings at the same place as the two other Atlantizians, who had arrived a couple of weeks before him.
Now his life became ground school and flying. That was what it was all about. In the evening, after their dinner, the three young Atlantizians would make it a habit of going over to a local bar and have a few bears. This they had not been able to do in Atlantiz since beer was not permitted there, consequently this was to them some sort of a luxury. During his training the Aquarian would forget about girls for the most part, and only on a few occasions would the three Atlantizians go out on weekends drinking and dancing. It was during this time that the Aquarian started to notice with satisfaction that he was getting some markedly increased tolerance for alcohol. To him it meant that he had become more of a man and could drink considerably more alcohol without getting conspicuously intoxicated. The negative significance of this was completely unknown to him.
It was during one such drinking outing that the Aquarian was picked up by a woman somewhat older than he was, and later it would turn out that she was married. It did however not deter him in interfering in the marriage and becoming unfaithful to the girl in Atlantiz that was waiting for his letters. It was of course all of the married woman’s doings. The story was now reversed and this time it was the Aquarian who stopped writing, but this was however not consciously intentional on his part, she seemed so far away and unreal and he never gave it a thought that this might have been similar with her, when she had started to fail in hear writing to him on the first occasion.
The two boys that had come ahead of him finished their ground-schools and started going for the FAA examination but one of them had to flunk it three times before passing, the other once. There were language problems. The Aquarian finished his commercial ground course with high average grades and good flying grades. In early June he passed his first attempt at the written FAA test with an excellent grade, this particularly considering that he was a foreigner. Of the three Atlantizians he had the least of the language problems; here his work with the Air Force came to his aid. Celebrating his graduation on of his school mates invited the Aquarian for as Saturday night on the town and they ended up drunk in a country and western saloon, where the graduate, a big and husky fellow, got into a fight, while the little Aquarian hid himself. The police came and rolled them of to the slammer and they had to pay a fine of 10 dollars each, before they could go home to nursing their remorse and hangovers.
A couple of weeks later the Aquarian completed his FAA check-flight and got his commercial then enrolled for an instrument rating course. The ground school was completed by the Aquarian a month and a half later, again with quite good average graduation grades and flying grades. He then passed his FAA written examination with good grades and eventually his second attempt at the check-flight.
It was the middle of the year 1960 and the Aquarian had by now progress through the first, “preparatory phase,” of the disorder of Alcoholism, the world’s commonest and most vicious malady. By now he had gained considerable alcohol tolerance and the alcohol now produces in him a satisfying feeling of deep relaxation. During this phase, as well as the next, he is quite capable controlling his drinking, that is, to regulate and stop his drinking when he decides that the situation warrants. This, however, with the exception of what the Aquarian considers to be, special celebrations, when he believes it to be appropriate to drink to become high, which in turn, frequently results in his becoming drunk.
When the Aquarian looked back at his life, he discovered that by this time he had been through intimate relations with over a 150 different women, and this gave him the false sense of self-worth. Freud’s explanations justified this. He did see himself as a “crowned victor” in his dealings with the other sex, and the seeds of shame and fear were thus planted in his subconscious. His continued consumption of alcohol would nourish those seeds and the “Weeds of Death” would grow within him leaving the “Flower of the Sole” undernourished. In the coming ten years his alcohol tolerance would increase further and the Dragon would gain full powers through “The First Beast.” This would be the ride on the “Read Horse” during which gradually a lower stress threshold is produced, which in turn manifests in a marked increase in resentments and anger, but this is the inescapable subject of our next chapter or that of;
The Rupture of the Second Seal.
Part One, Chapter Two
(Book of Revelation Chapter 6.)
The Rupture of
the Second Seal
Early Adult Twenties in the Author's Life.
His Progression in the Second Stage of
None-addicted Alcoholism during his
23rd to 33rd Years of Life.
“Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us
could have stopped drinking. But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop
while there is yet time.”
More about alcoholism. The Big Book of the Amateur Angels.
Book of Revelation Chapter 6.
3) Then the Lamb broke open the second seal and I heard the second living creature say, “Come!” 4) Another horse came out, a red one. Its rider was given the power to bring war on the earth, so that men should kill eachother. He was given a large sword.
THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 6 : 3-4.The first two seals in the prophesy ruptured by Apallo Aquarian, represent the two Non-addicted Alcoholic Stages, or the two phases of the Purely Symptomatic Phase. These are The Prealcoholic Symptomatic Phases and The Predromal Phase to Addiction of the alcoholic progression, which in the Aquariaon's case are rather extended taking him through 20 years of drinking, or from the 13th to the 33rd year of his life. These are the none-pathlogical phases of alcoholism.
The second Jellinek phase, or The Predromal Phase to Addiction of the the Aquarian's alcoholic progression corresponds to the Second Seal in the Revelation and deals with the changes in his personality during the years from 23 to 33.
"3) Then the Lamb broke open the second seal and I heard the second living creature say, “Come!” 4) Another horse came out, a red one. Its rider was given the power to bring war on the earth, so that men should kill eachother. He was given a large sword."
This denotes the alterations in the Aquarian’s drinking habits and relief drinking, but by now he is working and earning mony to pay for his own alcoholic beverage, which happens to be the cheeper Johny Walker Red Label Whiskey, but this becomes constant on all appropriate occasions. The character now changes as he starts to bulid up "the filter" in his brain's introns, which in turn means increased tollerance to alcohol and tendency to become more and more emotional, resentful, angry and aggressive as denoted by the "color red" of the horse and the "large sword".
END OF THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 6 : 3-4.
Predromal Phase to Addiction : Jellinek’s Enquiry.The sudden onset of a behavior resembling the “blackouts” in anoxemia marks the beginning of the prodromal phase of alcohol addiction. The drinker who may have had not more than 50 to 60 g. of absolute alcohol and who is not showing any signs of intoxication may carry on a reasonable conversation or may go through quite elaborate activities without a trace of memory the next day, although sometimes one or two minor details may be hazily remembered. This amnesia, which is not connected with loss of consciousness, has been called by Bonhoeffer the “alcoholic palimpsests,” with reference to old Roman manuscripts superimposed over an incompletely erased manuscript.
“Alcoholic palimpsests” (1) may occur on rare occasions in an average drinker when he drinks” intoxicating amounts in a state of physical or emotional exhaustion. Nonaddictive alcoholics, of course, also may experience “palimpsests,” but infrequently and only following rattler marked intoxication. Thus, the frequency of “palimpsests” and their occurrence after medium alcohol intake are characteristic of the prospective alcohol addict. This would suggest heightened susceptibility to alcohol in the prospective addict. Such a susceptibility may be psychologically or physiologically determined. The analogy with the “blackouts” of anoxemia is tempting. Of course, an insufficient oxygen supply cannot be assumed, but a malutilization of oxygen may be involved. The present status of the knowledge of alcoholism does not permit of more than vague conjectures, which, never¬theless, may constitute bases for experimental hypotheses. The onset of “alcoholic palimpsests” is followed (in some instances preceded) by the onset of drinking behaviors which indicate that, for this drinker, beer, wine and spirits have practically ceased to be beverages and have become sources of a drug which he “needs.” Some of these behaviors imply that this drinker has same vague realization that he drinks differently from others.
Surreptitious drinking (2) is one of these behaviors. At social gatherings the drinker seeks occasions for having a few drinks unknown to others, as he fears that if it were known that he drinks more than the others he would be misjudged those to whom drinking is only a custom or a small pleasure would not understand that because he is different from them alcohol is for him a necessity, although he is not a drunkard.
Preoccupation with alcohol (3) is further evidence of this “need.” When he prepares to go to a social gathering his first thought is whether there will be sufficient alcohol for his requirements, and he has several drinks in anticipation of a possible shortage. Because of this increasing dependence upon alcohol, the onset of avid drinking (4) (gulping of the first or first two drinks) occurs at this time. As the drinker relizes, at least vaguely, that his drinking is outside of the ordinary, he develops guilt feeling about his drinking behavior (5) and because of this he begins to avoid reference to alcohol (6) in conversation.
These behaviors, together with an increasing frequency of “alcoholic palimpsests” (7) foreshadow the development of alcohol addiction the arc premonitory signs, and this period may be called the prodromal phase of alcohol addiction.
The consumption of alcoholic beverages in the prodromal phase is “heavy,” but not conspicuous, as it does not lead to marked, overt intoxi¬cations. The effect is that the prospective addict reaches towards evenings a state, which may be designated as emotional anesthesia. Nevertheless, this condition requires drinking well beyond the ordinary usage. The drinking is an a level which may begin to interfere with metabolic and nervous processes as evidenced by the frequent “alcoholic palimpsests.” The “covering-up” which is shown by the drinker in this stage is the first sign that his drinking might separate him from society, although initially the drinking may have served as a technique to overcome some lack of social integration. As in the prodromal phase rationalizations of the drinking behavior ace not strong and there is some insight as well as fear of possible consequences, it is feasible to intercept incipient alcohol addiction at this stage. In the United States of America, the publicity given to the prodromal symptoms begins to bring prospective alcoholics to clinics as well as to groups of Alcoholics Anonymous. It goes without saying that even at this stage the only possible modus for this type of drinker is total abstinence:
The prodromal period may last anywhere from 6 months to 4 or 5 years according to the physical and psychological make-up of the drinker, his family ties, vocational relations, general interests, and so forth. The prodromal phase ends and the crucial or acute phase begins with the onset of less of control, which is the critical symptom of alcohol addiction.
The Non-addicted Alcoholic Adult Years of the Twenties
and Early Thirties in the Life of the Aquarian.
The Rupture of the Second Seal.This chapter deals with how the Aquarian makes his slow evolution into and through, the second forerunner phase of the disorder of alcoholism, but from the medical point of view, this is not considered to be a sickness, and the individual is still considered to be able to control his drinking.
Narration by “Morgan le Fay.”
This is the stage during which the Aquarian is believed to be capable of deciding to stop his use of alcohol without the aid of others, should he have a good enough motivation. However, it is his DNA-intron genetic inheritance, the co-dependency effects in his upbringing and his previous use of alcohol, which determines his future cause, not his personal will. In addition, his destiny to be the person to decipher the mysteries of the Book of Revelation, demand his progression into and through this phase which is characterized by the “Read Horse” and its “Rider with the Sword” who in turn “Takes away the Peace on Earth.” The most precarious aspect of his aggressiveness finds its release in the way he drives automobiles as it is the “First of the Two Beasts” which has now come into full powers and is really doing the driving. His alcoholism is however, like all his developments in life, unusually slow and subtle, which may also be caused by the restraints put on him by his profession, but through the Aquarian’s brain decreasing ability to produce neuro-inhibitors due his increased alcohol consumption, witch in turn will effect his professional progression.
We shall thus have a brief look at these ten years in life of the Aquarian, during which his drinking is still, for the most part, “normal,” or “social.” These are the years of the Aquarian’s life where he goes through his
The Break with the “First True Love.”It was late summer in 1960 when the Aquarian returns from the United States, but he is now 23 years of age and unknown to him, has entered into the second stage of the alcohol addiction progression. On his return he met with the girl who had waited for his letters and for him, and who now quickly forgave him his failings in writing and they were back to their lovemaking where they had left of. In his behavior towards his bride to be, the Aquarian began to become more and more ambivalent, and he justified this to himself by the fact that she was not becoming pregnant. His attitude toward her became cooler and hears towards him warmer. For a week in the summer they went together to Dragon Island for a summer weekend festival where the wine gods were worshipped feverishly during a week, where one night while quite intoxicated, he told her that he was not going to marry her. His explanations were that he did not trust himself to be good to her as a husband since he still harbored resentments towards her for her one-time break with him and further that he believed that she could not have children. The next day when sobered up he withdrew everything he had said, but the episode left her confused and insecure and then, one sunny day a couple of weeks later, the Aquarian formally broke of the affaire and left her in tears.
Opportunities Come and Go.In the early winter the Aquarian attended theoretical part of a Flight Navigator’s License along with 43 other young pilot trainees. The most interesting part for him was the Astro Navigation and the book that was used, the U.S. Navy Hydrographic Office, H.O. Pub. No. 216 became a favorite of his. The course was completed in the spring 1961 and he graduated sharing third place of the 43 candidates where 5 flunked, but the graduation was duly celebrated by the students having a grand drinking party with their teachers. During this time he met a Danish/American engineer who worked on the NATO base, who had bought a World War II fighter-trainer powered by a 700 HP engine and known as the T-6 Texan, or as Harvard IIB in Europe. The Aquarian got his permission to use it and got an Atlantizian that had been a WW II fighter pilot in the RAF, to train him to fly this marvel of an airplane.
In the late autumn the selection for the pilots took place but the two national carriers would be hiring 22 pilots for permanent contracts. The Aquarian applied with both carriers but was rejected with his 230 hours total flying time. However, the five Flight Navigator students that had flunked, who had lots of flying hours, were all hired retaking the exams, which made the Aquarian quite disappointed and bitter and he could be heard cursing cliquish connections. His response was to go to work on collecting more flying hours and went back to flying the fighter-trainer during the rest of the year realizing that if he was to get into aviation, it would not be in Atlantiz.
Towards the end of 1961 the 24 year old Aquarian had gotten a job as an accounting assistant with the U.S. Navy on the NATO base, but there his office manager, who was booze and gambling addicted, gave the Aquarian unlimited opportunities for overtime. A few Atlantizian pilots had gone to Europe and been hired and now the Aquarian was to save his money and go to England and see about getting a job there. This meant that he would have to convert his licenses and thus have to go to school and retake some examinations and it would all cost money so he need the overtime to make the necessary savings, but this would not interfere with his weekend dances, drinking and girl chasing.
The Aquarian, who now is 25, years old and though he appeared quite normal, the emotional side of him, his subconscious, is quite immature, and this becomes apparent on occasions when he drinks, but our anti-hero has by now experienced being thrown a couple of times into the drunk slammer in Atlantiz for getting into fights while drunk and disorderly at public dances. In England of the sixties, however, this was not the order of the day and he would have to learn better public drinking manners. A major weakness in him from his childhood co-dependency and his own drinking is his unmanageability in his decision making, but of this he is not conscious, and is now about to experience what he is like when things get tough.
Off to Merry Old England.It was a sunny Sunday, 13th of July 1962 that the Aquarian arrived in England where he was going to be employed as a pilot or bust. In London he found lodgings in a cheep Kensington hotel and spent the next days looking over the sights and seeking out two Atlantizian pilots who worked in England. They gave him a bleak picture of the situation, not very promising for a foreigner with only 366 hours total time and 300 British airline pilots, with thousands of flying hours, unemployed. On the continent it was the same with 400 experienced pilots in Holland and Scandinavia looking for jobs. The airlines were switching from propeller aircraft to jets where they needed fewer pilots and the impression the Aquarian got was; “pilots a penny a dozen”, but he was also reminded that things changed very rapidly in aviation.
The Aquarian now set about the conversion of his licenses while at the same time catching on to the charm of the life in the English pubs. He would not miss his pint of bitters at lunch and a couple in the evening, and even though he did not particularly like bear he would be faithful to the English pubs all the way to the bitter end. For his upkeep the Aquarian found work with the U. S. Navy Exchange on grounds of his previous experience, but there he soon met with a young civilian American who offered to share with him the renting of a central heated flat in Kensington. This turned out to be a luxury and through this fellow he got to meet a lot of young people, both Americans and Britons who soon gave him the nickname, “The Belligerent Mini-Viking.”
His situation had now become quite good and soon he completed the conversion of his commercial, which was celebrated by a major binch drinking weekend that ended in London’s Soho district, where he was taken for 40 pounds in a nightclub clip-joint. It would take him a long time to forgive himself for this stupidity since the binch-money had been intended for his pilot-job seeking endeavors. This lead the Aquarian to pondering the old question; “why does man so often act against his better judgment?” and from there to reading Sigmund Freud with whose theories he agreed and considered brilliant. Man was just like Freud suggested; a beast on the inside, a mask on the outside, and God was neurosis.
The “Third True Love.” The Second Engagement.It was during this time the Aquarian met his third big love; a lovely and charming young Italian American and again he experienced the stronger emotions that he remembered from his previous “true loves.” He remained, however, quite distressed and restless since it was now more than a year since he left Atlantiz and he had not been able to find a job as a pilot and he saw himself as a failure and a grand disgrace. In November 1963, he got the news that a new island had been born in the archipelago of Dragon Island, through a submarine volcanic eruption an it had been given the name; “Devil’s Island.”
His affair with the American girl had intensified and she had become pregnant and since he had no pilot’s job and no prospects; she decided to have an abortion. Hardly a month would pass and she was pregnant again; their regular drinking was causing confusion in her mind to make her forget her contraceptive pill. After the second abortion, she would become more reluctant to see some future with him and this in turn drew him into states of desperation, since he had become sexually dependent on her.
The first two months of 1964 were a severe test for the Aquarian and in late February the climax came but by now he was working in a US Air Force Club. The crisis came when his supposed fiancé, started to turn him away by going out with other men, but this brought the Aquarian’s subconscious to its limits and while waiting for more money from his family, his weaknesses now took control of his actions. Before the Aquarian knew what was happening, he had “borrowed some money” in the Club, but with out him being capable of understanding that it was to his benefit, this was immediately detected and became a police matter. The Aquarian immediately admitted and was dismissed from his job and order to appear before a magistrate to answer to a charge of petty larceny. When he appeared in court he had received the money from home and promptly paid back the money dishonestly acquired and a fine of fifty pounds. The Aquarian who could not understand that it was he him-self who was the master of the chain of events in his life, now tried to excuse the shame blaiming his girl who forgave him and soothed with some drinks and her arms.
The Final Throw of the Dies.In March the aviation industry's surplus of pilots had been used up. Again the Aquarian got 500 pounds from home and feeling a little more confident got the written rating for the Douglas Dakota (DC 3) and then was of to Oxford’s Kiddlington Airport to get an instrument rating. During the training his fiancé, who again had begun to go out with other fellows, came to visit him and experienced his violent outburst of jalousie. However, after this he seemed to loose the interest in her and settled down to make good progress in his training.
On the 22nd of May he completed his Instrument Rating and two days later he finished the Multi Engine Rating. The day after his completion, the manager of the school called him in his office and while congratulating him, told him that he had a job for him, if he would consider flying as a co-pilot on a DC 3. Yes indeed, the Aquarian, who felt indescribably happy, considers such an opportunity.
A couple of days later the Aquarian met with the chief pilot of BRITISH WESTPOINT AIRLINES, a small local carrier in Exeter, Devonshire, and was promptly hired as a first officer on DC 3s pending a work permit and his training performance being satisfactory. He was to earn fifty pounds a week; a small fortune compared to what he had enjoyed the past two years.
The Great Adventure Begins.As the “regulator of the synchronicities” would have it, on the second anniversary of his arriving in England, the 13th of July, the confirmation of his work permit came through. The training was then completed in Exeter and on the 30th of July, with the chief pilot himself wearing a brand new uniform, he flew his first trip as a qualified first officer. The great adventure in the life of the Aquarian had indeed begun; flying and getting paid for it and to boot getting to meet the lovely stewardesses. Yes, he had been right; this was the best anyone could do with his life as he had told his father; academic life was nothing compared to this as the road of higher education would only lead him to some office, teaching or a job in research. Now “his office” was capable of going everywhere on the planet.
The Aquarian now came to enjoin every minute of his existence and this in turn resulted in the change in his drinks to a double Johnny Walker Red Label on the rocks. The next four months saw him submerged in his new life and it passed without any hitches but there were however two, most unpleasant experiences that he would witness during this time. The first came about after the day’s flight, in overnight stop in Cornwall, when his captain asked him to join him in the bar for a pint. When the Aquarian asked if they should not first change out of the uniforms the captain told him; “Ah, Rubbish!” Aquarian reluctantly went to the bar with him and accepted the pint but after it was finished, the captain insisted on a second pint but the Aquarian refused and went to bed.
When the pick-up came the next morning, the captain had not shown up and was eventually located in a room where he was not supposed to be. They then made the delayed flight to Exeter where the chief pilot waited to take it over and advised the captain that he was suspended while the matter was being investigated, but the culprit lost control of his temper and told the chief “I’ll have your balls for book holders!” which in turn changed the suspension to dismissal.
The second incident came on an overnight trip to Lille, France, but this time another captain took the stewardess out dancing and drinking. In the morning they told him that they had been at it most of the night, and their looks confirmed this. Their condition was so bad that during the flight to London, the stewardess passed out and did not serve the passengers, but the captain told the Aquarian to fly the aircraft to London and barely managed to assist him during the take-off and landing. The captain got away with this since the Aquarian did not make any reports.
The Aquarian had only been seven months in his first pilot’s job when the company went bankrupt, but by this he had gained close to 9 hundred flying hours and could selling himself to TWA who was looking for temporary contract pilots for SAUDI ARABIAN AIRLINES. The money offered was astronomical for the Aquarian who was accepted for the contract end of February 1964. He then made his last flight for BWA in mid February and was to be found on a flight to Atlantiz a couple of hours later, where he would have a ten day vacation before going to the Middle East. The homecoming was grand and the little old Aquarian felt enormous walking the streets of his home town on Dragon Island. He had indeed become something and he talked as if he had already seen the whole world several times and was an authority on most of the world’s cultures. His parents and the girls of Atlantiz were delighted with him, but the 10 day visit seemed to be over much too soon.
A Year in Saudi Arabia, the Land of the Prophet.Due to bureaucratic mistakes the Aquarian got a week’s vacation in Beirut at the expense of SAUDI ARABIAN AIRLINES on his way to Jeddah, but on his arrival he felt as though he had just stepped into a story from the thousand and one Arabian nights. There he was put up in a hotel where he met another Atlantizian on the same contract, but they had known each others in Atlantiz and now became close friends, but a couple of weeks later, the third Atlantizian arrived.
Soon the Aquarian had been trained as a first officer on the 44 passenger Convair 340 and two weeks later he was made recurrent on the 22 passenger DC 3. From there on it was none stop flying for the next ten months with his routs were all over the Arabian Peninsula and to the neighboring countries and many of the flights were real adventures, including a couple of hair raising experiences where he came close to a premature end. The time he had for recreation was spent listening to classical music, reading on science and history and practicing skin-diving in the Read Sea since there was no distraction by booze and girls.
Some of the company’s captains were selling savings and investment shares in Bernie Cornfield’s ill fated I.O.S. and when they offered the Aquarian these, telling him of its fabulous growth, the Aquarian told them that he was going to invest his money in wine, women and songs in Europe. Little did the Aquarian know that this would be just what he would be doing and neither did they know that Cornfield would be doing the same with their money.
The contract year seemed to pass very fast and during the last months, the Aquarian and his Atlantizian colleagues would write to several airlines applying for jobs. He himself wrote to a number of companies in the USA and had gotten three favorable replies from well established carriers. One of the Atlantizians had written to one of the carrier in Atlantiz and had gotten application forms for all three of them which the then filled out. At the same time the Aquarian got a letter from a friend who had just gotten a job flying for a new air carrier in West Germany, operating world wide with DC 7c. The company was to get DC 8 33s in a years time and his friend suggested that he stop by to talk with the management at the end of his contract.
Just before years end the Aquarian’s contract was finished since it ran on the Arabic Year, which had 28 days to the month. He then arrived in Beirut in early January 1966 where he bought a Chevrolet Corvette Stingray and shipped it to London; then continuing his journey to Stuttgart, where he spent a day talking to the people of SUDFLUG INTERNATIONAL AIRLINES. He got a confirmation for a position and was advised that he would enter ground course for DC 7c with KLM in Holland in the beginning of March. The Aquarian accepted and continued his journey to Atlantiz where he arrived the first day of Aquarius and promptly set out to savoring alcoholic beverages and girls.
During his year in dry Saudi Arabia the Aquarian never missed the booze since he had not acquired the lasting addiction symptoms yet, it would take some more drinking before his breaking of the Second Seal was completed
“Second True Love,” Second Time Around, Third Engagement.Arriving in Atlantiz the Aquarian set out to obtain an Airline Transport Pilots License (ATPL) and the Department of Aviation told him that his Flight Navigators theoretical training would be accepted as equivalent and all he needed was a check-flight. It would only require two flights for the Aquarian to get his ATPL flight-check completed, but during the later check-flight the aircraft actually suffered an engine failure on take-off, so a simulated one was not needed. A couple of days later he got his ATPL.
After this he went to see the manager for the AIRLINES to which his college had taken his application and there found that he had been accepted for employment and that he was scheduled on a DC 6c ground course in 10 days, which he now turned down due his contract acceptance in Germany.
The rest of the vacation he intended to dive headlong into the social and night life of Atlantiz where the dark tanned Aquarian now showed himself everywhere as the “Man about the World,” and made sure that his old friends did not miss any of his glorious adventures, but this would last only a couple of weeks. At a dance in the fanciest places in town, he suddenly caught a sight of a very beautiful girl who turned out to be the one who had been his “second true love.” He had not seen her for six year and she looked more radiant and lovelier than ever. She came to him and greeted him warmly and lovingly; with no hint of any resentment for his abrupt parting with her, and he soon remembered how gentle and kind she was. He danced with her into the night and afterwards took her home where she showed him that she had kept her sentiments for him unchanged. The next days he spent taking her out in the evenings and became conscious of what a wonderful wife she would make. In his elation, he forgot to ask himself the question what kind of a husband material he himself might be. Again the Aquarian decided to get married and a couple of days later they became officially engaged and spent the next nights together in a hotel suite.
During his stay, the Aquarian’s mother asked him to go to see one of his brothers whose duodenal intestine had been removed due to an ulcer caused by stress and heavy drinking. Perhaps he could tell him something about handling alcohol, since he “handled it so well.” He went to see his brother and gave him a lecture on how to drink so he would not become an alcoholic bum and go to hell.
A Continental European Playboy, Playing with Death.The Aquarian left his new fiancé behind in Atlantiz while he settled in West Germany, then she would come to live with him. He then flew to Amsterdam to enroll on a DC 7c ground course and twenty four days later he graduated with an excellent grade, this in spite of his regular evening Red Labels in the pubs. Three days later he signed his contract in Stuttgart and then left for London to bring his Corvette over to the continent, where people gathered around to look it over. The Aquarian fancied himself as a great driver and fuelled by alcohol this would later nearly cost him his life on several occasions.
On completion of his training the Aquarian settled down in Hanover which was to be his base. Five days later he was on the line as a DC 7c first officer, flying with a captain, a flight engineer and seven young German stewardesses and before he knew it he was again having short lived sex affairs with members of the last group.
Breaking with the “Second True Love,” a Second Character Disgrace.In mid summer he was having a steady affair with a stewardess who knew nothing of his engagement, and now his fiancé wrote to him that she was coming to Copenhagen. She was giving up waiting and wanted to know what was to be. The Aquarian, whose conscience was now more bothered than it had ever been in his life, knew nothing better than to deal with it with more drinks. He then got a week off and shaken and bewildered he drew his 360 hp sports car to Copenhagen, almost meeting his end during a high speed overtaking enroot.
He met with his fiancé who gave it straight to him; She wanted to know whether they were to be married or not. After spending four days with hear and going to a dinner party with hear relatives and mother in their honor, he returned to Hanover with her. She stayed with him a week and they discussed the situation; was he serious or was he not? In the end he told her that he did not trust himself to become married and be faithful to her; he had already discovered that he was not capable of this. The girl left him in deep sorrow. The whole affaire had not only cost hear deep emotional pain and disappointment but also a great deal of money and her job in Atlantiz, but none the less she told him that she loved him and bad God be with him.
The next four years the Aquarian was to live a life in which he fancied to look at himself as a playboy without understanding that he was suffering from alcoholic immaturity. He would continue to fly co-pilot DC 7c on European, Middle Eastern and African routes for the next twenty months. He remained posted at Hanover during this time during which he had three more close calls with premature death through his mixing of his Corvette with alcohol. With the exception of his pride, he was lucky enough to be unhurt in all cases.
The “Fourth True Love.” No more Engagements.It was then on Christmas Eve of 1966 that the Aquarian found himself on a flight that arrived for a week’s layover in Nairobi, returning on New Years Eve. With him on the flight was a lovely young stewardess who had been giving him the aye, and before they were three days into the lay-over, an affaire that quickly grew on the Aquarians emotions, was in process. Again he would think of marriage but there was not to be any engagements, he would simply get married. He would now continue flying the DC 7c and their affair would continue through the next eight months until the Aquarian in September 1967 was sent to the DC 8 school with Swissair, but by that time the affair had petered out due to infidelity on behalf of them both. In October he graduated with excellent grades, this in spite of the fact that the lectures were in Swiss German and his German at the time was only broken. At the end of October he had to return on the line to fly the DC 7c until his company took delivery of the first DC 8 aircraft in March 1968, when he found himself flying primarily to the east and west coasts of the United States with an occasional trips to East Africa. The Aquarian was quite happy and still believed that his life was as it should be.
The “Fifth True Love.” The Third Major Character Disgrace.In the spring of ‘68, the Aquarian again believed that he had found his “true love” and this again caught him emotionally and while it was running fool steam, he crashed his Corvette for the fourth time and this time the police took blood samples, his international drivers license was gone for a year but he continued to drive on his national license. By this time the Aquarian had become fearful of his own driving and decided to sell the Corvette and his new love began to loose the interest in him, this due to the sale of the fancy car and further while she got word that he was not sleeping with her alone. The Aquarian’s company was now serious financial difficulties and the next news was that Lufthansa was to buy the company and liquidate it paying the technical crewmembers a compensation of about 30.000 DM each. However, the Aquarian managed to wreck his opportunities for the compensation when he in mid September got his schedule mixed up, through his now ever increasing alcohol induced unmanageability, and missed a flight out of New York. This delayed the flight for several hours and cost the company a small fortune, but he was suspended from further duties and told to report to the head office where he was told that his compensation just covered the bill for his no-show and it would be withheld and he given an opportunity to resign. The Aquarian accepted both, but his girlfriend did not canceling her love for him.
The Aquarian was, however, not unemployed for long; another airline was starting to fill in the vacated place of his last employer and this saved him in this deteriorating situation. He was hired on the first of December 1968 and was promptly loaned to the company from which he had just resigned. His old employer, SUDFLUG, now belonged to the Lufthansa daughter company, CONDOR, but this made him feel strange flying in his old position after what had happened, this minus the compensation which made him indeed look silly.
August that year, the Aquarian found himself on vacation in Atlantiz when he had his first attack of gastritis cramps and the doctors gave him anti acids telling him not to drinking alcohol and coffee excessively and to quit smoking. The Aquarian returned to work but no signs of changes regarding his use of alcohol, cigarettes and coffee, could be registered. At year’s end he again went to Atlantiz for the holidays, which by now, had in reality become noting but drinking, girl chasing and spending spree vacation, with little time spent on visiting relatives. In September he got a visit from a girl in Germany who told him that she carried their baby and then disappeared when he had no further interest.
With this the next phase will be started during his thirty third year of life beginning in 1970. The time the Aquarian can control his drinking on all occasions has now come to an end and the days that his drinking has become an irreversible sickness have arrived but through all this the Aquarian is incapable of seeing the changes as they take place in him and in his life. Through his mental stagnation he was now becoming increasingly more “labile” and his economic stagnation complete; he possessed nothing. Here again he fooled himself by looking back and counting the women he had been in intimate relations with, but they now numbered more than 300 and he saw this as “victories” that proved his self-worth. The great adventure of the life of a pilot was no longer such an adventure, just a way of making a living.
To us Merlin, there is no mystery since the Aquarian has simply been under the spell of the Dragon through his creation of the “First of the Two Beasts,” ever since he took that first drink, but now the Dragon is simply getting a tighter hold on his life.
When the Aquarian finally dismounts the Read Horse of the Apocalypse, the character defects acquired during the ride will be retained and carried over to the next mount, which will now change into the Black Horse, but it is not; Hi, Ho Silver! He will now become the Lone Ranger of the Black Horse, so it will be; Hi, Ho Black Horse of Bad Conscious and Judgment!
The Ruptures of the Third Seal.
Part One, Chapter Three
(Book of Revelation Chapter 6.)
The Rupture of the
The 33rd to 43rd Adult Years in the Life of
the Author and his Progression into the
First Stage of Addiction Alcoholism.
“Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people.”
More about alcoholism. The Big Book of the Amateur Angels.
Book of Revelation Chapter 6.
5) Then the Lamb broke open the third seal; and I heard the third living creature say, “Come “ I looked, and there was a black horse. Its rider held a pair of scales in his hand. 6) I heard what sounded like a voice coming from among the four living creatures, which said, “A quart of wheat for a day’s wages, and three quarts of barley for a day’s wages. But do not damage the olive trees and the vineyards!”
THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 6 : 5-6.The third and the fourth seals in the prophesy ruptured by Apallo Aquarian, represent the two Addicted Alcoholic Phases, or The Crucial Phase and The Chronic Phase of the alcoholic progression, which are taking him through 14 years of drinking, or from the 33rd to the 47th year of his life. These are the pathological phases of alcoholism.
The third Jellinek phase, or The Crucial Phase of the Aquarian's alcoholic progression corresponds to the Third Seal in the Revelation and deals with the changes in his personality during the years from 33 to 43.
"5) Then the Lamb broke open the third seal; and I heard the third living creature say, “Come” I looked, and there was a black horse. Its rider held a pair of scales in his hand." The "Black Horse" denotes the strong bouts of depression arising out of the now radically increased number of occasions of states of hangover and alcoholic remorse, which the Aquarian is through his higher income, buying himself through his drinking of the more expensive Johnny Walker Black Label Whiskey. The “Rider Holding a Pair of Scales in his Hand” is symbolic for the effects his drinking is having in producing harsh and judgmental views of his fellows, as well as secretly holding even worse views about himself. The scales are thus the same as those in the hands of the blindfolded "justice statue" on the hall's of justice world wide.
"6) I heard what sounded like a voice coming from among the four living creatures, which said, 'A quart of wheat for a day’s wages, and three quarts of barley for a day’s wages. But do not damage the olive trees and the vineyards!'" Here the “Quart of Wheat for a Day’s Wages, and Three Quarts of Barley for a Days Wages,” has to do with the changed value system of the addict, since now the alcohol (Barley) has become, shall we say, three times more important than food (Wheat).
The forth metaphor, which is a warning that too severe drinking may produces permanent neuronal damages (polyneurophathie) in the spatial hemispheres Jamais-vu and Désjà-vu centers of the Aquarian's brain; described with the; “Do not Damage the Olive Trees and the Vineyards” announcement, but that would mean a seriously mentally handicapped individual, possibly not capabel of recovery and definitely not capable of the receipt of THE LITTLE SCROLL.
END OF THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 6 : 5-6.
Crusial Phase of Addiction : Jellinek’s Enquiry.Loss of control (8) means that any drinking of alcohol starts a chain reaction, which is felt by the drinker as a physical demand for alcohol. This state, possibly a conversion phenomenon, may take hours or weeks for its full development; it lasts until the drinker is too intoxicated or too sick to ingest more alcohol. The physical discomfort following this drinking behavior is contrary to the object of the drinker, which is merely to feel “different.” As a matter of fact, the bout may not even be started by any individual need of the moment, but by a “social drink.” After recovery from the intoxication, it is not the “loss of control”--i.e., the physical demand, apparent or real--which leads to a new bout after several days or several weeks; the renewal of drinking is set off in the original psychological conflicts or by a simple social situation which involves drinking.
The “loss of control” is effective after the individual has started drinking, but it does not give rise to the beginning of a new drinking bout. The drinker has lost the ability to control the quantity once he has started, but he still can control whether he will drink on any given occasion or not. This is evidenced in the fact that after the onset of “loss of control” the drinker can go through a period of voluntary abstinence (“going on the water wagon”).
The question of why the drinker returns to drinking after repeated disastrous experiences is often raised. Although he will not admit it, the alcohol addict believes that he has lost his will power and that he can and must regain it. He is not aware that he has undergone a process, which makes it impossible for him to control his alcohol intake. To “master his will” becomes a matter of the greatest importance to him. When tensions rise, “a drink” is the natural remedy for him and he is convinced that this time it will be one or two drinks only.
Practically simultaneously with the onset of “loss of control” the alcohol addict begins to rationalize his drinking behavior (9): he produces the well-known alcoholic “alibis.” He finds explanations which convince him that he did not lose control, but that he had a good reason to get intoxicated and that in the absence of such reasons he is able to handle alcohol as well as anybody else. These rationalizations are needed primarily for himself and only secondarily for his family and associates. The rationalizations make it possible for him to continue with his drinking, and this is of the greatest importance to him as he knows no alternative for handling his problems. This is the beginning of an entire “system of rationalizations” which progressively spreads to every aspect of his life. While this system largely originates in inner needs, it also serves to counter social pressures (10) which arise at the time of the “loss of control.” At this time, of course, the drinking behavior becomes conspicuous, and the parents, wife, friends and employer may begin to reprove and warn the drinker.
In spite of all the rationalizations there is a marked loss of self-esteem, and this of course demands compensations which in a certain sense are also rationalizations. One way of compensation is the grandiose behaviour (11), which the addict begins to display at this time. Extravagant expenditures and grandiloquence convince him that he is not as bad as he had thought at times.
The rationalization system gives rise to another system, namely the ”system of isolation.” The rationalizations quite naturally lead to the idea that the fault lies not within himself but m others, and this results in a progressive withdrawal from the social environment. The first sign of this attitude is a marked aggressive behavior (12).
Inevitably, this latter behavior generates guilt. While even in the prodromal period remorse about the drinking arose from time to time, now persistent remorse (l3) arises, and this added tension is a further source of drinking.
In compliance with social pressures the addict now goes on periods of total abstinence (l4). There is, however, another modus of control of drinking which arises out of the rationalizations of the addict. He believes that his trouble arises from his not drinking the right kind of beverages or not in the right way. He now attempts to control his troubles by changing the pattern of his drinking (15), by setting up rules about not drinking before a certain hour of the day, in certain places only, and so forth.
The strain of the struggle increases his hostility towards his environment and he begins to drop friends (l6) and quit jobs (l7). It goes without saying that same associates drop him and that he loses some jobs, but more frequently he takes the initiative as an anticipatory defence.
The isolation becomes more pronounced as his entire behaviour becomes alcohol-centered (l8), i.e., he begins to be concerned about how activities might interfere with his drinking instead of how his drinking may affect his activities. This, of course, involves a more marked egocentric outlook, which leads to more rationalizations and more isolation. There ensues a loss of outside interests (19) and a reinterpretation of interpersonal relations (20) coupled with marked self-pity (2l). The isolation and rationalizatrons have increased by this time in intensity and find their expression either in contemplated or actual geographic escape (22).
Under the impact of these events, a change in family habits (23) occurs. The wife and children, who may have had good social activities, may withdraw for fear of embarrassment or, quite contrarily, they may suddenly begin intensive outside activities in order to escape from the home environment. This and other events lead to the onset of unreasonable resentments (24) in the alcohol addict.
The predominance of concern with alcohol induces the addict to protect his supply (25), i.e., to lay in a large stock of alcoholic beverages, hidden in the most unthought-of-places. A fear of being deprived of the most necessary substance for his living is expressed in this behavior.
Neglect of proper nutrition (26) aggravates the beginnings of the effects of heavy drinking on the organism, and frequently the first hospitalization (27) for some alcoholic complaint occurs at this time. One of the frequent organic effects is a decrease of the sexual drive (28) which increases hostility towards the wife and is rationalized into her extramarital sex activities, which gives rise to the well-known alcoholic jealousy (28).
By this time remorse, resentment, struggle between alcoholic needs and duties, loss of self-esteem, and doubts and false reassurance have so dis¬organized the addict that he cannot start the day without steadying him¬ self with alcohol immediately after arising or even before getting out of bed. This is the beginning of regular matutinal drinking (30), which previously had occurred on rare occasions only. This behavior terminates the crucial phase and foreshadows the beginnings of the chronic phase.
During the crucial phase intoxication is the rule, but it is limited to the evening hours. For the most part of this phase drinking begins sometime, in the afternoon and by the evening intoxication is reached. It should be noted that the “physical demand” involved in the “loss of control” results in continual rather than continuous drinking. Particularly the “matutinal drink” which occurs toward the end of the crucial phase shows the continual pattern. The first drink at rising, let us say at 7 A.M., is followed by another drink at 10 or 11 A.M., and another drink around 1 p. M., while the more intensive drinking hardly starts before 5 p. M.
Throughout, the crucial phase presents a great struggle of the addict against the complete loss of social footing. Occasionally the aftereffects of the evening’s intoxication cause some toss of time, but generally the addict succeeds in looking after his job, although he neglects his family. He makes a particularly strong effort to avoid intoxication during the day. Progressively, however, his social motivations weaken more and more, and the “morning drink” jeopardises his effort to comply with his vocational duties as this effort involves a conscious resistance against the apparent or real “physical demand” for alcohol.
The onset of the “loss of control” is the beginning of the “disease process” of alcohol addiction which is superimposed aver the excessive symptomatic drinking. Progressively, this disease process undermines the morale and the physical resistance of the addict.
The Beginning og the Addicted Alcoholic Years
in the Life of the Aquarian.
The Rupture of the Third Seal.Well, well, it is 1970 and already 3 years beyond “The Dawning Of The Age Of Aquarius” and the Aquarian is now getting into more interesting territory, or should I say, interesting waters, but he is now heavier into the “water” of life than ever before. This is in the form of “Aquavitum”, “Whisky” and “Vodka”, which are words that respectively mean “water of life” or “the little water of life”, but these labels are the Devil’s own advertizement coups and the most widely spread and excepted lie in humanity. This drinking of the “waterof death” means that the ferocious Dragon is now stepping into complete powers before he delivers the subject to his death in misery, and the victim now starts to experience times when he cannot control at what times he is to start or stops drinking, his own will having become powerless against the alcohol need.
Narration by “Merlin the Wizard.”
At the onset of the Aquarian’s development into this pathological phase of his alcoholism, there are two things he needs in order to continue his drinking. He must get married, and he must adopt more stringent measures than those of the aviation law of 18 hours from “bottle to throttle” and he now makes it a personal rule, not to drink; 48, 36 or 24 hours before flights, depending on the amount of drinking, but this he is surprisingly strict in enforcing.
More Health Problems. A Warning.When the New Year came around the Aquarian began to have experiences which become a part of his live; kidney stone attacks to which the German doctor advised him to “drink a lot of beer to help his kidneys”, but no cause for this kidney condition was suggested other than that it was occupationally commonplace. The “waterhole” which the Aquarian had for some years frequented and in which he completed drinking himself into the addiction phase of alcoholism, was the prominence bar in Frankfurt, a piano/disco bar called; “The Saint John’s Inn,” situated across the street from the house where Göethe had lived. He now added beer to his Whiskey menu which for his gastritis meant a marked increase in his use of alcohol stomach bitters.
In May that year the Aquarian, while in New York, ran into a girl he knew and who worked as a stewardess for an American air-carrier, which much to his annoyance began talking about alcoholism in their conversation over a drink. “Did you know that we are alcoholics?” “ Did you know that an alcoholic is not necessarily a skid row bum, just someone who drinks alcohol every day”, which made the Aquarian’s think this is probably true, but so what? The idea had no meaning in his consciousness. Later he learned that she had been going to meetings with the Amateur Angels, but twelve years after this meeting she collapsed dead during flight, killed by her addiction to alcohol and anti-depressants drugs and two years later the sickness of alcoholism would have him by the throat.
The Fourth Time for Adult Prayer. The “Sixth True Love.”It was during the spring months that the Aquarian started to become concerned about his life in general. He had become 33 and was not married, had no children and was without possessions. This critical review of his life got so severe that the idea of God stopped being neurosis and one night he found himself praying for a woman he could marry, but he was not conscious that his prayer was in reality for someone to take care of him to secure his drinking and thus in reality he was praying for what is known as a co-dependent alcoholic.
It was then a Saturday evening in mid August that the Aquarian was sitting in his favorite pub, when he saw his bride to be and right form the moment he had his arm around her dancing, he knew that this was her. The next afternoon he was for drinks in the home of this woman, who was going through a divorce from her husband with whom she had a 5 year old son.
She showed him the three story house where she lived with hear father, who had the first floor apartment and what the Aquarian saw he liked but for his alcoholic subconscious, the wine cellar was the best part. During his visit he was careful with his drinking but it was his usual custom to be easy on the drinks when meeting new women. It was midsummer season, his peak working months, but none-the less it would none take long until the Aquarian was sharing his body and spirit with this woman on every stop at his home base. The affaire continued and the Aquarian grew more and more emotionally attached to her but never the less it would not be long before the affaire had its first full fledged crisis.
The First Crisis and a Proposal for Marriage.In spite of the bliss of the new affair, the Aquarian soon became aware that something was disturbing his future bride and he soon found that she was also in contact with another man, which sent his thoughts spinning and emotions boiling with jealousy requiring great amounts of calming alcohol. It would be from this time on that the Aquarian’s lose of control over his drinking began to become regular and he would find himself drinking alone late into the night listening to classical music and feeling sorry for himself, and then again in the morning after, more than just occasionally. The Aquarian believed that this was being caused by this experience but never suspected the beginning of permanent physical addiction to the alcohol.
A day after his discovery the Aquarian called his girl and then took her to the cities panoramic bar where he confronted her with questions regarding her other contact. She countered by telling him that when they met him, she had already been having an affaire with a rich Mediterranean business man who was proposing to her and promising a live of sunshine and lollipops. After this they both sat quite for a long while sipping their drinks until she broke the silence and looking him straight in the eyes and asked what he wanted to do about the situation. The Aquarian realized what this meant and now told her that he wanted to share his life with her, and that he wanted to know if she was interested to which she reached out for his hand and told him “That’s what I would also like to do.” Seven weeks after the Aquarian had proposed marriage he had moved in with his bride to be, but now he had to go for a duodenal ulcer dry-up and at the beginning of the new-year he was of to the hospital on Dragon Island in his fathers care. On his return he took his bride to be, on a week’s stopover to Dar-es-Salam and Nairobi for what was to be their honeymoon equivalent.
The Continued Employment Instability.In 1971 several pilots who were living outside of Germany, were freelancing for his company and they were getting steep tax free payments and this had come to the Aquarians attention and he and his fiancé came to the conclusion that he would resign and move his legal address to Luxembourg and continue to work for the company on freelance basis. The Aquarian resigned his job advising the operations manager that he was interested in flying freelance and was told that he would be called if needed. The Aquarian waited in vain for two weeks and then went for a two weeks stay in Atlantiz where he spent the evenings drinking and chasing girls, but a little unfaithfulness was easily excused by his fiancé’s failings in the beginning of their relationship. She was one up on him, now he would get even, and between his love letters, his love postcards and love telephone calls, he went to bed with some young ladies in Atlantiz. He then returned to his fiancé where his former employer called and asked him to fly freelance which lasted a month but then told him not to expect any further freelancing and another one of the Aquarian’s dreams of a gold evaporated.
Again the Aquarian began to suffer from gastritis, but now he got the new wonder drug, Tagamed (Symedidine), which would make a world of difference in controlling the effect his drinking had on his stomach acid secretion. It would eventually remove his gastritis symptoms and thus permit him to drink all he wanted without being bothered with this problem, but strangely enough it would not reduce his usage of high opiate containing stomach bitters. Neither did he have any idea of what his drinking of alcohol while using this drug, did to him.
In the autumn the Aquarian got a call offering him a captain’s position flying a BAC 1-11 for a new carrier in Düsseldorf, AEROFLUG-PAN INTERNATIONAL. He signed a contract on the 1st of October and four days later was in London attending transition training with the British Aircraft Corporation and before the first week was over, the Aquarian was having an affaire with a young girl working in the hotel he stayed in. After a couple of weeks of ground course, the news of an airline disaster in Hamburg, involving his new company, where the talk was of gross negligence having killed 22 passengers. That was the end of this adventure and the Aquarian went back to Germany and now sat unemployed at home for the remaining two months of the year and the first three months of 1972.
A Job at Last. What is this? The “Seventh True Love?”In April of 1972 the Aquarian left his five month pregnant fiancé for work with a Belgian operator in Ostend, POMAIR, where he experienced no remorse spending his funds going out for drinks in a dance/bar each night. As usual, he would soon meet with a beautiful girl with whom he would spend the evenings and nights. He did not tell his new flame that he was engaged to another woman who was pregnant, but to his fiancé he found excuses for his not visiting.
Soon he was on the line flying the first flight for POMAIR but the talk was already of the company being closed down, but the flights were few and far between and he spent most of his time in Ostend with his new girlfriend, which, however, would not hinder him in having short lived sex excursions with the stewardesses during the trips. There would not be any flights for five weeks and the Aquarian went over to see his fiancé, but while there he called the chief pilot of his old company, ATLANTIS, and asked about possibilities for him coming back to work for the company. He was told that in the beginning of July he could come back freelance to start with, but at the end of the year he would get a contract.
When then the Aquarian returned to Ostend from the company’s first America flight and met with his “unintended true love” she now shocked him by the news of her pregnancy and that she wanted to have an abortion. The next day the Aquarian went to the chief pilot and informed him that since he did not have a contract, he wanted to return to his old company, ATLANTIS. At this he was offered an increase in salary and a contract, but turned this down and asked for his salary, which he got. He gave the girl what he figured to be his part of the abortion cost and left, never to know whether she went ahead with the abortion, but his mind had become too troubled to be able to stay longer in Ostend and now he returned to his bride to be, with a conscious that needed a lot of alcohol to deal with the situation.
Marriage and a Stillborn Baby.When the Aquarian finally got home, he had no salary to bring; it had gone for drinking, living expenses and an abortion, but his fiancé had a hard time understanding his bogus explanations regarding his money matters. They then got married on the 23rd of July in a civil ceremony and a few days later she given birth to a boy that died a short while later but it would be established that the baby had “water kidneys.” After this the Aquarian consoled himself drinking which lasted for a better part of a week.
On the 1st of August 1972 the Aquarian was again with his old company, ATLANTIS, and promptly rumors of imminent bankruptcy began to circle. Mid October, when on a week’s trip to Kenya, a telegram came telling the crew that the company had folded and all operations had stopped and Lufthansa would be taking the stranded crew back to Germany. Again the Aquarian was without a job and again he was sitting at home in a black mood, sipping Black Label. This would now continue until the beginning of August 1973 when he was to have another airline engagement.
The Eruption on Dragon Island.As 1973 emerged the unemployment was beginning to press on the Aquarian and in late January he decided to go to Atlantiz where he, in the early morning hours after retiring from celebrating his 36th birthday, got a call from his brother at four in the morning. His brother spoke calmly and asked him if he remembered their childhood dreams of an eruption of Holy-mountain on Dragon Island, but the Aquarian, who could not detect involvement of alcohol, started wondering about his brother’s sanity. “Well, about four hours ago this dream became reality,” his brother informed him. The 6000 year extinct volcano on Dragon Island had begun to erupt and the people on the island were boarding the fishing boats for evacuation, just like it had been in their dreams. Their parents were on the way to the mainland.
The Aquarian spent a couple of weeks following the events on Dragon Island before he flew back to his wife in Germany and continued his longest period of unemployment from flying, a period that lasted six months. In middle of June the Aquarian went again for couple of weeks to Atlantiz to fly tourists to Dragon Island, taking his wife along and on a flight to Dragon Island. At the end of this excursion having returned home he would suffer a light concussion on his chest. The consequences were out of all proportions to the impact, a fractured rib at its conjuncture to the spine, but fractures such as this would now become his lot.
The First Thorax-pains.Shortly after recovering from his rib-fracture the Aquarian got an offer for a year’s contract flying DC 8s for the AUSTRIAN AIRLINE’S subsidiary, AUSTRIAN AIRTRANSPORT. This was to operate a freight run to Hong Kong three times weekly, but after a year of operations, decisions would be made whether it would continue. Three weeks after the Aquarian finished his recurrent training he found himself in Hong Kong where he was to be stationed for the next three months and pendle between Karachi, Pakistan and Hong Kong, with the aircraft loaded less than half and the crews making jokes that they were; “Transporting Austrian Air.”
Soon the Aquarian had a sex relationship going in Hong Kong with a young France girl that was learning acupuncture, but what the Aquarian did not know was that this time his wife was doing the same thing with a Greek fellow back in Germany. It would however, turn into something more that just a sex relationship for the Aquarian’s wife who had become disillusioned by his long periods without work, his long drinking sprees, and his long absence from her. It happened to her the same way it always happened with the Aquarian; A few drinks in a bar and sure enough the brakes were off.
In early November, the Aquarian was sent to Israel where the Yom Kippur War was under way and where he was flying medical supplies and fruits between Frankfurt and Tel Aviv, but without seeing his wife
The First Crisis in the Marriage on the Circulus Vitiousus.The Aquarian was now due a three week vacation and as soon as he was home his nine year old stepson told him about “mamma’s new friend.” At this the Aquarian’s already sick emotions promptly went into depression and the only thing he knew was to get drunk and scream at his wife about the other man. The drinking now continued heavily each day and long into the night, as he sat with his wife discussing the situation, torn by emotional pains which were fuelled by alcohol. His wife sometimes wanted divorce, sometimes not and some-times she wanted to have her friend come and partake in the discussion, but he was going to become a millionaire, of this she was sure. The Aquarian who now swung between depression and rage told his wife that in the three and a half years they had been together, he had been unfaithful to her with 22 different women. This said it in order to hurt, but his wife did not believe him and only laughed sarcastically. Finally the Aquarian’s wife offered her husband that he could be her husband when he was in Frankfurt and the other fellow would be her husband when he was away. He could have all the women he wanted when he was not with her. The insane situation continued for more than two weeks, with neither of them being conscious how sick they were. By now the Aquarian had by now become severely physically sick from the drinking and his wife gave him both tranquillizers and sleeping pills to rectify the situation.
“At the Grave!” the First Time Around.In early February the Aquarian’s vacation was over and he left with two suitcases for Vienna. They were to divorce. It took the Aquarian only a couple of days to find an apartment in Vienna; and since he did not care how much it cost he soon had a fully furnished studio apartment in city’s first sector, a street named “Am Graben” which meant “By the Grave,” house number one. The Aquarian who was not aware how fitting the address of his rented accommodations was, now had to detox himself alone for a week before returning to work and a check flight. This would turn out to be a living hell where he found himself walking the floor for days before showing up for the check-flight which he somehow succeeded in passing, promising himself that this would not happen to him ever again in his life.
The operation that the Aquarian was engaged in was loosing money and it was decided that it would be closed down, so he soon found himself in Luxembourg (City of Light) making application with the airfreight carrier CARGOLUX. On the way back the Aquarian visited his wife and told her about his plans to join CARGOLUX and stay there for the rest of his carrier, but she now told him that she had cancelled the competition and he could come and stay with her between flights.
The Aquarian’s Fifth Adult Prayer and the Final Job.A couple of days later the Aquarian was in Tel Aviv for another week and in the morning of the second day he got the station manager’s car and drew alone up to Jerusalem and continued on to Bethlehem where he went to the birth cave underneath the three churches where he prayed for the fifth time in his adult life. His praying was for his marriage to be restored and for his return to some sort of normal emotional life, not knowing that all such prayers were useless as long as he was using the alcohol. The next day he was in Frankfurt where the El Al station manager gave him free tickets for his wife and her son to fly with him to Tel Aviv. They stayed with him in Israel for a week and he took them to Jerusalem and Bethlehem. When his wife flew back to Frankfurt they had agreed to continue their marriage.
Two weeks later the Aquarian got an acceptance letter from CARGOLUX and a contract for him to sign and on the first day of May 1974, he was in Luxembourg reporting for the new job. There he met a colleague who knew his airline history and who laughingly remarked; “Oh, ho! Now CARGOLUX will go broke. All companies you work for go broke.” The Aquarian, replied that he intended this to be his last airline, so now nothing would happen to this company. In a couple of weeks he was again on the flight line from Central Europe to the Far East and now he would live in Frankfurt and commute to Luxembourg and his drinking, as well as his marriage, would gradually settle into a new phase.
When the Aquarian joined CARGOLUX, the company had 36 crew-members, mostly Atlantizians or Scandinavians and about 80 percent of them were heavy drinkers and abusing alcohol either in the hotels en-route or in their homes. That he was in the same condition as the rest of the abusers, this he could, however, not see. After the Aquarian had been ten years with the company, one third, or 12 of the original crew-members, would have lost their jobs, or been washed out of aviation, due to alcoholism and two of them would have died directly and indirectly form it. Another twelve were abusing alcohol severely but by that time the Aquarian had reached the “bottom” in his abuse, the solution had entered the seen and five of these crew-members had been through therapies and were using the Fellowship of the Amateur Angels.
The First Drunk Flight and a Second Honeymoon.The Aquarian’s first serious encounter with alcoholism in the new company would come in early June when the Aquarian was in Karachi with captain Burnthawk, a Swede who would not show up at calling time in the mid morning and when the Aquarian went to his room he found the captain drunk. The shocked Aquarian went to see the flight engineer to consult on the situation but he reacted by laughing hysterically and told him that he had seen the captain drinking in the hotel crew bar only four hours prior. When the Aquarian asked what was to be done, the engineer again laughed, telling him that they could do nothing. The Aquarian, who was not aware of his own irresponsibility, came to the conclusion that considering the country in which they found them selves, it would be risky to demand a blood-test and decided to fly and be especially alert. They made the flight and to his surprise, the captain performed well, since he was not yet in withdrawals.
The Aquarian did not recover emotionally from the second crisis with his wife and now he would more frequently experience depressions as in his first emotional crisis with her, which in turn would call for the loose of control of his drinking. This would happen mostly in the protection of his home and result in his drinking late into the night while recounting to his wife the emotional anguish that she had caused him.
Through-out the coming years, the Aquarian would average 18 days a month en-route and the layovers were moved from Karachi to Thailand where he and his colleagues would stay in the beach resort of Pattaya, playing golf, drinking and chasing women. The CARGOLUX crews became known by the locals in Pattaya as “Qeemau Airlines,” but this meant in Thai something like “Drunk’s Airlines,” but captain Burnthawk acquired the nickname “Captain Qeemau.”
When the year 1974 came to an end the economic situation of the Aquarian had started to improve and now the Aquarian’s wife, for the first time in his new employment, accompanied him on a trip. She would stay with him for three weeks in Thailand from where he flew between Bangkok and Hong Kong. They stayed in Bangkok and Pattaya during which time his wife again conceived of a child.
In the beginning of 1975, the company got its first own DC 8 63 and now with the leased DC 8, operated two DC 8s. By now his kidney grain crystal attack passages were now coming only a few months apart and he would even have to be was taken to a hospital for a spasm releasing injection even when on flights.
The Second Drunk Flight.The last part of August, the Aquarian had his second serious encounter with the alcohol problem of captain Burnthawk and this time the captain showed up 3 hour late. He had just started the withdrawal phase of his drinking when he reported for flying in Belgrade. The state of his consciousness was insufficient for him to manage his decisions and during the approach into Luxembourg he got lost in spite of a clear and sunny day. He had to overshoot during which he the Aquarian had to intervene in the decision process to avert him flying into high radio antenna masts. After the flight the Aquarian talked to the captain about his drinking problem and told him that he was headed for destruction and captain Burnthawk agreed, but neither he nor the Aquarian really knew what they were talking about.
Late September, the Aquarian’s wife gave birth to a daughter but during the pregnancy the mother had been subjected to the fathers drinking terror and the effects of her psychological condition had been transmitted to the child. The hyperactivity symptoms would however, not become apparent until the girl reached the fifth year of life.
The Third Drunk Flight.End of November 1975 the Aquarian had his last encounter with captain Burnthawk’s alcoholism in Palma de Majorca where they arrived at 2 in the morning with calling time at 3 in the morning the next day. When the Aquarian got up and found the captain passed out in the hallway, he and the engineer carried him of to his bed. When the Aquarian had told the incoming captain about the situation, he told him that the Aquarian should simply fly the aircraft and let the captain sleep.
The disgusted Aquarian changed the calling time to two hours later than planed so the captain could “sleep it off” enough to be able to walk to the aircraft. The Aquarian, who still was not aware of his own irresponsibility, then flew the aircraft alone to Lagos in Nigeria and back to Luxembourg, while the drunken captain slept. On arrival the Aquarian got a talking-to by the operations manager, who told him, “Tomorrow you come to my office and make a full report concerning captain Burnthawk or else you are also in trouble.” Two days later the Aquarian signed an affidavit for all three of his experiences with the captain who in turn was given the chance to resign. Captain Burnthawk then got a job with Nigerian Airways based in London where he some months later was “celebrating” his fiftieth birthday and suffered a fatal brain-hemorrhage the morning after, but for his report the Aquarian would be severely criticized by some of his colleagues.
The year 1976 came and the frequency of attacks of pain in the Aquarian’s back and ribs was increasing and his doctor told him that he was suffering from a “Sheuerman spine” which was believed to be caused by the calcium deficiency in his early childhood. Nothing could be done about this. He would just have to be extra careful. The Aquarian got a large supply of Codeine tablets on next trip to Atlantiz soon began to augmenting their use with alcohol. Later he would add codeine-magnyl, penadol and other painkillers to this menu, not noticing that he soon began to become addicted to these chemical, along with the alcohol.
During the winter one of the companies CL-44 captains started his final round of alcoholism and got dismissed for a no show. The dismissal was technically illegal and when management became aware of this, it took the captain back only to legally dismiss him a week later. The pilot returned to Atlantiz where he stopped his drinking, got a job flying and got married. He would then refrain from drinking for 15 years until he again returned to Luxembourg to run a small hotel and again started to drink and soon to progress into the state where he had left off, a carousels of periodic uncontrolled drinking, which lead to him loosing the hotel and his life.
The Companies First Alcohol Warning.In the last days of 1976 the pilots in CARGOLUX got the companies first warning bulletin on alcoholism, but by now, the Aquarian would read this with a frame of mind that left him out of all references to alcoholism. To him the warnings were suited for his colleagues who where abusing the booze and could not stick to the law as prescribed; “Eighteen hours from Throttle to Bottle.” The Aquarian, who knew not that alcoholism never stays the same and gradually changed the individual without him being aware of it, now produced the classical shield of denial around himself. His motto; the drinking of alcohol is permitted and it is nobodies business as long as the individual is responsible. This reference of his would shake the foundations of his existence when he later, a few months into 1977, on a weeks stopover in Majorca, got into a four day lose of control, and such severe withdrawals, that even though he managed to stop his drinking 48 hours before the flight, he did not manage to return to normal consciousness and then as a consequence of this, made the worst landing of his entire carrier. The Aquarian, who deny this fact to himself, as well as the fact that he had during the stop-over, used his thirteen year old stepson as a driver of his rent-a-car, found the scales of judgment and remorse swung in his mind against his own person and lower his self-esteem.
The move to Luxembourg. The Second Alcohol Warning.In the month of May, the pilots of CARGOLUX witnessed a further incident with one of their colleagues getting fired for being drunk at calling-time in Hong Kong. The engineer, who was going through a sever stress situation while building a house, had drunk himself into a blackout and lost count of the days in order to sober up. The chief pilot fired him on the spot and wrote a stern warning note to the crews, where the motto was; “For obvious reasons alcohol and aircraft don’t mix.” The engineer stopped drinking and was rehired by CARGOLUX, four years later, after having worked freelance with different operators.
In the spring of 1977 the Aquarian moved his family to Luxembourg where they would rent an apartment in a newly constructed apartment building where he would live the next four years. Shortly after the Aquarian had moved with his family to Luxembourg, he was on loan by his company to fly for the three summer months for the Atlantiz national carrier. He would only have to fly between Luxembourg, New York and Chicago, with intermediary landings in Atlantiz.
The family life changed little and the Aquarian’s drinking habits did not improve but steadily deteriorated since he had now started to get the drinking company of Atlantizians living in Luxembourg. This frequently ended in all night drinking sessions and the Aquarian’s wife became more and more disturbed by the drinking mannerism of the Atlantizians and the binges of her husband. To avoid this they now started cultivating friendship and with people who lived in the apartment building, who had better drinking manners. These were an Israeli and an Austrian couple that would become close friends to them. The Austrian couple would later be divorced and the wife would marry a Luxembourg citizen that she had met at one of the Aquarian’s dinner parties. The Aquarian and his wife, seemed to most of the people who were around them, to be quite happy and content but his drinking sessions until the morning hours were kept hidden.
The case of the Aquarians wife’s unfaithfulness now lay years behind and the Aquarian’s lecturing her on the subject, he was, however, incapable of forgetting this altogether, and it came out whenever he reached certain stage of intoxication but his wife tolerated this by some incomprehensible endurance and both paid for this with their health and happiness. By now the Aquarian had learned that while he was flying and could not drink, he could use painkillers, with the Tagamed, to regulate his condition. The use of painkillers was then stepped up whenever the pains in the spine and the ribs increased, as well as a remedy for residues of hangovers, but one of his colleagues had commented to him; “Your flight kit looks like a pharmacy.”
Third Marriage Crisis, “Big Birds” and a New House.One night in the spring of 1978, during a drinking party that lasted all night, the Aquarian’s retired at about two in the mourning but awoke a couple of hours later and went to see what was left of with the party. She found two guests passed out from drinking in the living room and her husband on top of a young girl on the balcony. She promptly went berserk and asked the guests to leave. The stupor drunk Aquarian defended him self by insisting that he had the right to other women since she had been with another man. She did not talk to him while he was suffering his hangover during the next day, nor when he a couple of days later parted on a round the world flight. When he returned, he found the apartment empty of half the furniture, his wife and children gone and a letter that advising him that a divorce was imminent. The Aquarian, who had some days of, promptly got drunk and got into another of his carousel of drinking. A week later he was told by a friend that his wife was suffering terrible remorse and wanted to come back and he called her right away and a couple of days later she was back with the furniture and their life was back to normal.
In the late summer, the Aquarian began to notice that the gastritis and the ulcers that had been kept at bay with the Tagamed were now starting to rear their ugly heads again, but the Aquarian by himself increased his dosages and now used the medication continuously without bothering to check his drinking with reference to his use of this medication.
In the last two years the Aquarians employer had been operating four DC 8s but in the beginning of 1979 two Boeing 747s were purchased. In the autumn the hard struggling Aquarians started thinking about building a house in Luxembourg and the founding idea behind this was that the Aquarian’s wife would eventually inherit the house in Frankfurt that was valued at 1.000.000 DM. and this would pay for the house in Luxembourg, but he had made some calculations that showed that they could not build a house on the Aquarian’s salary alone. During the last three months of 1979 they wife then acquired a building-side and drawings and stared building.
The Companies Third Alcohol Warning.In November the pilots of CARGOLUX got their third alcohol-warning that included a report on the Anchorage total fatality crash of a Japan Airlines DC 8 freighter. The captain had been drunk. By this time the Aquarian now needed 48 hours most of the time in his program of “Bottle to Throttle” protection but the craving during this time would became increasingly more strenuous requiring painkillers for moderation. Came 1980 the Aquarian celebrated New Years Eve in Hanoi drinking home distilled Vietnamese booze with some Aeroflot pilots, but by now he was discovering that the only drink his stomach tolerated was VSOP and Coke.
Well, this now just about covers the main events and trends in the live of the “Rider of the Black Horse of the Apocalypse” whose existence is ruled by the “Dragon and the Two Beasts.” Our anti-hero will now inescapably have to change his mount for the last time, and as before, he shall be retaining the character defects of his previous mounts. The subtle signs of the progression of alcoholism are gradually becoming conscious to him and his wife, but neither one of them has any clues as to how to interpret them or what their meaning is. The next is thus to have a look at our pathetic sufferer mounting the final horse, the Pale-colored one and watch how he fairs in its riding as a candidate of premature death accompanied by Hell. Let’s have a look at how he now manages his dancing with death through;
The Ruptures of the Fourth Seal.
Part One, Chapter Four
(Book of Revelation Chapter 6.)
The Rupture of the
The 43rd to 46th Adult Year in the Life of
the Author and his Progression into the
End Stage of Addiction Alcoholism.
"We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals--usually brief--were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness... we get worse, never better."
More about alcoholism. The Big Book of the Amateur Angels.
Book of Revelation Chapter 6.
7) Then the Lamb broke open the fourth seal; and I heard the fourth living creature say, “Come!” 8) I looked, and there was a pale-colored horse. Its rider was named Death, and Hades* followed close behind. They were given authority over one fourth of the earth, to kill by means of war, famine, disease, and wild animals.
THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 6 : 7-8.The third and the fourth seals in the prophesy ruptured by Apallo Aquarian, represent the two Addicted Alcoholic Phases, or The Crucial Phase and The Chronic Phase of the alcoholic progression, which are taking him through 14 years of drinking, or from the 33rd to the 47th year of his life. These are the pathological phases of alcoholism.
The fourth Jellinek phase, or The Chronic Phase of the Aquarian's alcoholic progression corresponds to the Fourth Seal in the Revelation and deals with the changes in his personality during the years from 43 to 46.
"7) Then the Lamb broke open the fourth seal; and I heard the fourth living creature say, “Come!” 8) I looked, and there was a pale-colored horse. Its rider was named Death, and Hades* followed close behind. They were given authority over one fourth of the earth, to kill by means of war, famine, disease, and wild animals."
There is only one proper color description of the condition of the person; the color pale (drinking VSOP : Very Special Old Pale brandy, or coniac). Given authority “over one fourth of the earth” denotes that the addiction now dominates fully the matter half of the brain, or left hemisphere, which is portrayed as “earth”. This has a twofold cause; a colossal “filter” in the introns of his neuronal DNA-molecules, both in the holographic brain's primary spatial hemispheric sides and his secondary spatial hemispheric side. Conflicts, under nourishment and sicknesses (primarily severe osteoporosis) with bestial behavior, are the hallmarks of the last part of the drinking life of the person in the prophesy. His state is such that death may come at any time and he certainly feels as though all Hell is closing on him. This lasts from the 43rd year until he is 47 years and 8 months.
This is indeed a very fitting description of the last three years of the deterioration of the chemically addicted individual. His consumption of alcohol is now accompanied by a heavy use of painkillers, and other medication, this without regard for mixing these with alcohol. The last six months the individual cannot drink any alcohol without becoming drowsy and becomes incapable of a healthy sleep. This stage is generally and easily recognized as alcoholism by most everyone observing it.
END OF THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 6 : 7-8.
Chronic Phase of Addiction : Jellinek’s enquiry.
The increasingly dominating role of alcohol, and the struggle against the “demand” set up by matutinal drinking, at last break down the resistance of the addict and he finds himself far the first time intoxicated in the daytime and on a weekday and continues in that state for several days until he is entirely incapacitated. This is the onset of prolonged intoxications (31), referred to in the vernacular as “benders.”
This latter drinking behavior meets with such unanimous social rejection that it involves a grave social risk. Only an originally psychopathic personality or a person who has later in life undergone a psychopathological process would expose himself to that risk. These long-drawn-out bouts commonly bring about marked ethical deterioration (32) and impairment of thinking (33) which, however, are not irreversible. True alcoholic psychoses (39) may occur at this time, but in not more than 10 per cent of all alcoholics.
The loss of morale is so heightened that the addict drinks with persons far below his social level (35) in preference to his usual associates--perhaps as an opportunity to appear superior--and, if nothing else is available, he will take recourse to “technical products” (36) such as bay rum or rubbing alcohol.
A loss of alcohol tolerance (37) is commonly noted at this time. Half of the previously required amount of alcohol may be sufficient to bring about a stuporous state.
Indefinable fears (38) and tremors (39) become persistent. Sporadically these symptoms occur also during the crucial phase, but in the chronic phase they are present as soon as alcohol disappears from the organism. In consequence the addict “controls” the symptoms through alcohol. The same is true of psychomotor inhibition (40), the inability to initiate a simple mechanical act--such as winding a watch--in the absence of alcohol.
The need to control these symptoms of drinking exceeds the nee of relieving the original underlying symptoms of the personality conflict, and the drinking takes on an obsessive character (41).
In many addicts, approximately 60 per cent, some vague religious desires develop (42) as the rationalizations become weaker. Finally, in the course of the frequently prolonged intoxications, the rationalizations become so frequently and so mercilessly tested against reality that the entire rationalization system fails (43) and the addict admits defeat. He now becomes spontaneously accessible to treatment. Nevertheless, his obsessive drinking continues as he does not see a way out.
Formerly it was thought that the addict must reach this stage of utter defeat in order to be treated successfully. Clinical experience has shown, however, that this “defeat” can bc induced long before it would occur of itself and that even incipient alcoholism can be intercepted. As the latter can be easily recognized it is possible to tackle the problem from the preventive angle.
It is here that many add the 44th step, or the step six feet into the ground. Until about mid 20th century it was commonly believed, both in the medical professions and by the lay, that alcoholics in the fourth stage, had suffered severe brain neuronal deaths. This means enlarged ventricles and is called water brain. After brain dissection improved in the 50, it wasrealized that neuronal death (pollyneurosis) did not set in until the individual started having Delirium Tremens attacks in a state where the brain, and the autonomic nervous system ran out of neuroinhibitors, but AA-recoverys had already shown this.
The End of the Addicted Alcoholic Years
in the Life of the Aquarian.
The Rupture of the Fourth Seal.The finale in the Aquarians development of alcoholism is now fast approaching, but in his case this takes place through his heavy use of painkillers with the alcohol. This is an ordeal that is to last about four years and eighth months, with the Aquarian beginning feeble attempts at rectifying the situation ten months prior to the end.
Narration by “Morgan le Fay.”
The end comes with the Aquarian admission represented by the Fifth Sea, to be followed by his collapse and surrender which is actualized in the breaking of the Sixth Seal. Both these Seals are a part of the Chronic Phase, but represent crucial end stage events which are necessary in order for the story to have a happy continuation. The alcohol is now the Aquarian’s “slave driver,” though to him it is his “best friend” and life seems unthinkable without it, but coupled with the pain from the failing health to-wards the end of the third year, the most vicious drinking spells start to push him towards overcoming the denial mechanism and admitting the truth. The amazing part here is that in all this the Aquarians performance as a pilot is quite satisfactory; on the surface at least. A part from his medical absences towards the end, his attendance to his job is also quite satisfactory and somehow he most miraculously, manages to keep his drinking from the flying, at 24, 36 or 48 hours “from bottle to throttle.”
His medical absences from work take place when he is having problems with his kidneys or unbearable pains in his thorax, which is, without him or anyone else being aware of it, caused by his use of alcohol. This he is meeting with increased use of prescription painkillers, primarily codeine, as well as “over-the-counter” painkillers but this in turn brings his digestion periodically to a halt. This is meat by taking laxities and his Tagamed use is regular. What the Aquarian does not know, is that he is in dire danger of death through disruptions in the functions of his autonomic nerve-system, which is brought about by the quadrupled poison effect of crossing alcohol with other chemicals, primarily painkillers. The faith faculties (Jamais-vu centers) in the Aquarian’s brain are now increasingly dysfunctional and the natural production of endorphin and dopamines is severely decreased, which in turn renders him more addicted. This then in turn “deactivates” more and more neurons in this part of the brain, but here “Their Complete Number” must now become “inactive” (dead) in order for him to collapse into desperation. During this part of his evolution the Aquarian repeatedly asks himself “How much longer has this got to go on?” The “reawakening” of these neurons (along with others) during the Aquarian’s recovery are later in the prophesy represented by two different “Awaking from the Dead.”
We shall now have a look at the Aquarian’s in the role of; “Death Riding on Pale-Colored Horse with Hell Following Close Behind.”
The beginning of the House building.When the first year of the eighties began, the Aquarian became busy building his L-shaped basement and terrace bungalow, but this would lasts the next four years and eighth months. He would spend every hour he has away from his flying, including his vacations, on building this house meeting the increased load by increased use of alcohol and painkillers. The Aquarian and his wife had carefully calculated the costs and the loan they had acquired in Germany was to cover this, but at the end of the first year it would become apparent that the total cost had increased by 45%.
The naive Aquarian, however, was optimistic, and in March he had found the contractors he was to work with and the beginning of April the grounds were broken and thus began in the life of the sick Aquarian, a period that in essence was but utter madness. Never-the-less, this madness would bring him to his knees and save his life. Every hour he would have for himself for the next four and a half years would be spent working around this building project and the Aquarian would be sipping on alcohol at all opportunities in order to keep himself going. The first step for the Aquarian was to build the first floor basement and the huge beautiful double brick chimney, which was built from long black sandstone bricks. These would contrast the rest of the houses white sandstone brick walls. The Aquarian installed a built in vacuum cleaning system in the base of the house and plug-ins for a vacuum cleaner hose were provided on the second floor.
The Companies Fourth Alcohol Warning.Fittingly the year started of with a stern warning on drinking to the CARGOLIGHT pilots. A DC 8 crew which was on crew rest in Palma de Majorca, had been drinking in the favorite bar of the Aquarian, “The Bitter End” pub near the hotel.. This would turn out to be the bitter end for the crewmembers who had continued drinking till mid-night, three hours before calling time, when they returned heavily intoxicated with an unsteady gate to their hotel. Unknown to them, a couple which was to travel with them to Lagos Nigeria and back to Luxembourg, was waiting in the hotel lobby and called the company’s operation and reported the situation. Another crew was then sent it in a chartered aircraft and the drunken crew told that they were grounded and were to return to Luxembourg, at which the crew stepped up its drinking and went berserk smashing the furniture in on of the hotel rooms. On their return to Luxembourg the crew reported to the operations manger, but the captain was unable to stop drinking and appeared for the questioning in a drunken condition. He was permanently fired from his 10 year employment, but the others were suspended for a year. All three of the crewmembers would then go for addiction therapy with the first officer and the flight engineer recovering through the Amateur Angels, but the company sent out a bulletin regarding the situation and stern warnings on the dangers and consequences of breaking the law on drinking.
Unknown to the well meaning manager, this warning would and could not work; only serve to scare those suffering from addiction and driving their drinking into hiding and thus create a hidden safety risk. Only the action taken by the crewmembers by going for therapy and showing their colleagues that there was life without booze, would have any effective meaning.
A New Baby, a New Airplane and Devaluation Adventures.Soon after the Aquarian had began his house building, his wife gave birth to the second daughter and the Aquarian was notified that he was to train for the second Boeing 747 the company was buying. In early August he was in Denver for the 747 ground course and when he was half through his wife join him. The Aquarian finished a head of his two mates in the group, but they had to stay behind to repeat some of the training. Then in mid September, the Aquarian was on the line flying the new aircraft and spending every minute he had for himself, supervising and working on the new house and sipping VSOP and Coke, and on the 1st of December the Aquarians moved into their half finished dream house.
With the beginning of 1981, the Aquarian’s started to fly a fixed rout to Miami, Houston, New York and Seattle, San Francisco. This would now be his prime route for the next four years and his life became quite settled, flying, working on the house, drinking VSOP and Coke and taking his medicine and painkillers when ever he was having the attacks in the thorax as well as when he was having no other pains than the ones in his head. Again the Aquarian was forced to take two additional loans to complete his house, but then an unforeseen problem would now crop-up in the life of the Aquarian, which was to accelerate the appearance of the end of his drinking life and eventually safe his life. What the Aquarian had not been conscious of was the fact the country in which he now lived and the neighboring Belgium, were in a currency union. As the economy of Belgium now started into a gradual recession, so did the value of its currency and at years end had reached 25% devaluation; this meant the same for the currency in Luxembourg, where the economy was still going strong. For the Aquarian, who was earning Franks in Luxembourg and paid his hose-loan in Germany, where the currency was getting stronger, this meant the end of his dreams of becoming a real-estate owner. This in turn of course increased the stress in the already high strung Aquarian, as well as his wife, but now his VSOP, Coke and painkillers remedy would take completely over his life.
With the increased spending caused by the currency devaluation, the Aquarian and his wife began to have heated arguments about the costs of their house and now his father in law joined in during his visits with them. Everyone seemed to know what should not have been done and what should be done but no one agree with the anything the other said. The Aquarians wife started to complain about having insufficient funds to run the household and the end results were that the Aquarian was to blame for all and he believed it. Where would it all end?
In the early part of 1982, the CARGOLUX got a new chief pilot who was known for his joke; “CARGOLUX pilots never drink, except in the evening and on the weekends.” Shortly after his appointment, the Aquarian would witness the arrival in Luxembourg of a flight by the new chief pilot and the chief flight engineer, where a line transition check-out flight with a junior captain took place, but what was interesting here was the fact that the 747 had arrived on the block with 1900 kg of “dip able fuel” in the tanks (2500 kg. indicated) but this was not enough for the aircraft to pull up in an emergency, and was a flagrant violation of the aviation’s “laws,” plus a violation of all common sense and a grotesque testimony of poor judgment. Aviation safety was being made a joke and the Aquarian was quite disgusted at the new chief and let this be known without considering his own personal immaturity and lack of safety awareness.
The Companies Fifth Alcohol Warning.In April, the Atlantizian pilots again got an information letter discussing the dangers of addictions but all this was of no avail due to the very nature of the sickness. These warning about alcoholism contained no intelligence regarding the true nature of alcoholism and offered no solutions, only the old; Alcohol is Dangerous! Don’t Drink! Drink less! The warnings meant well but were utterly ineffective.
During the year the Aquarian managed to finish the main part of the house but it could not be said that they were a happy couple and people who came to their dinner parties were not aware of this. This was not strange since they were being served any one of such delights as, choice New York cuts, American prime rib, Main lobster, Atlantizian salmon and North Atlantic lobster. For starters American cocktails were sipped with the Aquarian’s jokes and with the dinners, choice French wines were served to be followed by VSOP or XO with their coffee for the digestion. The rough drinking parties had been terminated and the drinking had become quite cultured, though after most of the parties, the Aquarian would lounge late into the night sipping high balls. The life of the Aquarian’s was somehow in stark contrast to madam Aquarius complaints of not having sufficient funds to run the household. The Aquarian, and his family, was certainly going to Hell in a grand style and he would now begin to find his flying hours and working days decreasing and his sick days increasing at an alarming rate.
The CARGOLUX near Bust.With 1982 came a new thing to worry about, but by now the interests on the loans the manager of CARGOLUX had gotten in the U.S. to buy the 747s, had risen to above 20% and all the company’s net revenues were going into making the payments, with all the reserves gone. It would be during this, “the company’s darkest hour,” that the general manager, president Wolfeson, invited the flight crews for a meeting and discussion of the situation which ended by him presenting a suggestion that the crews would give up their 6 days of per month.
When the manager had finished, he asked the audience for suggestions regarding what the pilots were willing to give-up their off-days, but the stunned crewmembers all sat quiet and no one knew how to counter this outrageous suggestion. The crews were already worked to the bone, and during the preceding year, five marriages amongst the 36 crewmembers, had gone on the rocks. There where no suggestions were forthcoming, and it would have to be the sarcastic little Aquarian who would raise his hand to make a suggestion to the manager; “Mr. President, you have already in your speech pointed to the solution. It is obvious that the company should sell the 747s and buy back CL 44s.” When the laughter subsided the manager responded in a furious tone, “Mr. Aquarius, if you think like this, you should not even be in here.”
The management of CARGOLUX would eventually take to cutting the overheads by cutting staff and a number of pilots were laid off, during which the lay-offs were not made in accord with seniority and the unofficial explanations were that the pilots being laid of were drinking to heavy. The Aquarian never gave it a thought that he might be entitled to the title “drinking to heavy” and with the possibility of the company going broke he became more stressed and again turned his sipping of stomach bitters with VSOP and Coke, tighter another notch. His nerve-system had now gotten into a state where it could no longer be said that he was clean and sober in between his drinking spells. He had reached a state where in between he was continuously in a mild state of hangover which had come about so slowly that he did not recognize it.
The CARGOLIUX Flight to Infamy.In the latter part of May the Aquarian would live through one of the worst incidents in his entire carrier, but this was a case of an illegal gunrunning flight that he would later call the “CARGOLUX Flight of Infamy.” This took place during the final days of the Falkland conflict and during the darkest days of CARGOLUX future. On May 21st, the Aquarian found himself in Hong Kong with one of the companies sickest alcoholic captains. This was an Atlantizian who had been the company’s first chief pilot but had been pressed out of the post due to drinking. The Aquarian got a telephone call from the company’s dispatcher in Luxembourg, who told him that he could not find the captain and asked him to inform him of a change in the crew’s schedule. On the 22nd they were to fly through Larnaca in Cyprus to Tel Aviv, Israel, where they would load “heavy-water containers,” which were to be taken to Lima, Peru, via Seville, Spain. When the Aquarian found his captain, he gave him the instructions and told him bluntly that the business of transporting “heavy-water tanks” to Lima--one of the poorest places in the planet--was nothing but a cover for an illegal gun-running operation. The company had already been involved in an illegal transport of weapons for the Argentineans, through its daughter company, AERO URUGUAY. A British citizen working in CARGOLUX ‘S operations, had gotten hold of some documents confirming this, and had given these to the British Embassy in Luxembourg. He had then been fired forthwith but had taken the company to court and won. The British foreign office had logged formal complains with the foreign minister of Luxembourg and the CARGOLUX management—which claimed to have had no knowledge about the gunrunning--had promised that this would not happen again. During the investigation the CARGOLUX general manager was said to have returned some 100.000 USD that had, “by mistake,” landed in his personal account in Miami, but had been intended for the company.
The captain agreed with the Aquarians argumentation that taking heavy-water tanks to Lima was highly improbable. The country was not likely to be buying or processing any Deuterium and even less probable were the prospects of Peru buying specially designed Deuterium tanks. When the engineer was told about the intended flight, he immediately agreed with the opinion of the Aquarian. There were no questions in the mind of the Aquarian and his crew-mates that the flight was a gunrunning operation for the Argentineans, but their decision was to wait with further decisions on what to do until they were en-route. The British secret service might even get information about their company’s intentions and have a fighter from Gibraltar scramble and send them a heat seeking missile on their way to Seville, which they would then never reach. To the Aquarian the whole enterprise was most repugnant particularly since it had been the British who had made the existence of company possible through granting of traffic and landing rights into Hong Kong and now the company was showing its gratitude by stabbing the British in the back. The Aquarian was determined to do something about the flight but the problem would be to do this without getting fired on account of it, but as the crew was resting in Dubai en-rout to Larnaca, a telex arrived telling the crew to bring the aircraft from Tel Aviv to Luxembourg, instead of to Seville.
In Tel Aviv it became clear what the “heavy-water tanks” were; they turned out to be droop-tanks for the Skyhawk fighters of the Argentinean Air Force. The case was clear; the Argentinean fighters did not have the flight endurance to get to the Falkland Islands, fight and return. With the droop-tanks they would attain this capacity and now someone in CARGOLUX was getting heavy kickbacks to arrange this flight in contravention of the European Common Markets embargo on the Argentinean belligerency, as well as in violation of local and inter-national laws. Apparently general Galtari was going to give to the British a retaliatory strike, since he was loosing his forced bid for the islands. In the belly of the CARGOLUX 747 freighter, the Israelis further loaded long and slim wooden craters and it was anybodies guess what their contents were and under the circumstances the guesses could be narrowed down to suggestions about the contents being missiles. When the aircraft was loaded the Aquarian got the freight papers handed over and when he read the description of the load being; “General Cargo,” he asked the Israeli handing him the papers; “Should this not read Cargo for the General, instead of General Cargo.” The Israeli, who burst out laughing, replayed “That would be right.” On the flight back to Luxembourg the crew discussed amongst themselves what they would do when they got to Luxembourg. They dared not smoke in the aircraft, since it stank with kerosene fumes from the droop-tanks. On arrival in Luxembourg, the nervous captain messed up his approach and managed to produce the hardest and scariest landing the Aquarian had ever experienced in a 747.
The company’s chief pilot and the chief engineer waited to take the aircraft via Madrid to Lima and the crew that was waiting in Seville was ordered home. A couple of days later the world press brought the news from the Falkland conflict that fifty two British troops had been killed in a surprise attacks by Argentinean Skyhawk fighters on the troop transporters, HMS Tristram and HMS Sir Galahad. There were no questions in the mind of the Aquarian regarding his involvement in this, but he could use it as an excuse to drink a lot of VSOP and Coke, to sooth his troubled conscious. A few days later a newspaper in Atlantiz made unconfirmed reports about the incident, and six years later the Aquarian would tell the story to the press in Atlantiz.
A New Doctor Jekyll and a New Mr. Hide.As the year passed, the Aquarian continued his work on his house and by now the pains in his thorax had become a terrible burden with occasions of back pains as if he had a set of “slipped discs”. Towards the end of the year the incidents of the Aquarian’s lose of control over his drinking had become quite frequent and his wife was becoming quite desperate. Event though the Aquarian miraculously still managed to keep his flying clear of his drinking, the situation looked bad. On Christmas Eve the Aquarian got quite drunk and when his wife complained about this, he became belligerent and violent and his wife called the police which took him to a hotel to sleep it of. The Aquarian only slept a couple of hours and then sneaked back into his home.
The next day he suffered one of the worst remorse in his life, but when he again continued his drinking his wife told him that if this was to continue, she would be seeking a divorce. The ambivalent love hate emotional condition of the Aquarian towards his wife had reached grotesque proportions and he had become a severely mentally sick individual and not less sick physically, with most of his gland full of chemical poisons. To him, his situation as well as the situation of the family, was all owing to external factors beyond his control and he would never suspect this to be due to the effects of the alcohol on his brain. He had indeed come a long way towards insanity or death, which in fact loomed just around the corner.
A Change of Management. The Sixth Alcohol Warning.The advantages of its location in the heart of Europe and its traffic rights into Hong Kong and number of countries in the Far East had initially made CARGOLUX as a freight carrier, a gold mine, a thriving business. It would take quite some master blunders to make such operation loose money but Mr. Wolfeson had apparently achieved this distinction and by year’s end ‘82, the companies Board of Directors decided to remove him. He was given his and on the first of January ‘83, a new manager was brought in, a Swede Mr. Rottenfelt. An accountant who worked for of the Swedish shipping company SALENA, a part owner in CARGOLUX, Mr. Rottenfelt had been a representative for SALENA in London and had thus more managerial experience than the outgoing one who was trained as a dispatcher.
The rotten little Aquarian had little to do with the struggle between labor and management in CARGOLUX. He had enough problems of his own. The year 1983, would be the last year without him doing anything about his condition, and it saw him finding one more bulletin in his company mailbox; “A report of an investigation regarding pilot’s alcoholism and mental health.” The bulletin referred to two catastrophes; One of a Japan Airlines crash where the captain had been seeing a psychiatrist regularly and had been classified as a manic-depressive with the psychiatrist telling the pilot to continue flying. The pilot had then found his brain short of drugs during an approach to Tokyo and attempted to commit suicide, killing 24 and wounding 122. The other was an Avianka 181 killer crash in Madrid, an unintentional suicide caused be the captain’s emotional disturbances. This time the Aquarian read the bulletin with interest.
The Aquarian’s Financial Breakdown and the Solution.In February the Aquarian and his wife had to get one more local loan for payment of the loans in Germany, but now there was hardly enough left for them to live, but somehow there was always enough money for the Aquarians VSOP. Unknown to his wife, the Aquarian was not doing his drinking in any dumps while he was in the layovers flying; his drinking being in the classiest and most expensive of drinking places, like the Oak Room in the San Franciscan or the Polaris in the Hong Kong Hyatt. His perdium no longer covered his expensive drinking habits, which now had to be supported with his salary; it would later seem as if the Aquarian was trying to hide something from himself. At home, the family would have to suffer one more drunken, Mr. Hide fit, a fit that would force his wife to take the children out of the house and sleep with the neighbors for a night and would leave the Aquarian in his worst remorse of hopelessness.
It would then be in April that one more of the pilots would surrender the truth of his alcoholism to his superiors and turn himself in for therapy, but instead of congratulating the pilot on taking this brave action, the company’s personal manager told him that he was a “bad boy” drinking so much. Contrary to the local health regulations, told him that his salary would be suspended while he was going for therapy and the guilt ridden pilot accept-ed like those other pilots before him. The Aquarian gave the case of the “bad boy” little attention; that pilot’s drinking was much worse than his. No wonder that he was going for therapy.
As the financial problems became more pressing on the Aquarian it would be in the beginning of June, that his wife came to him and told him that she had found a solution for their monetary difficulties, which in her opinion was making the Aquarian drink so much. They would move back to Frankfurt into the apartment in the house which she owned with her father and the new house would be rented out. The apartment they had been living in had been standing empty since 1977, while her father had not consented to her renting it out. She would go to work and he would stay behind and rent a room or a studio and could then come visit the family when he was of and all his protests were shot down by her good argumentations and towards the end of the month his wife had found an American manager who was willing to pay good rent for the house and allow the Aquarian to finish the work on it. It was all settled before the poorly conscious Aquarian knew what was going on or what he was agreeing to.
Apart from the Aquarian’s sick condition, things looked quite promising and in the beginning of July, the Aquarian’s tenants moved into the house and the Aquarians moved back to Frankfurt and a month later he rented a small studio in a nearby village which bore the odd name, “The Shakes.”
The Attempts at a Solution of the Health Problems.In August, desperate measures were being initiated in order to reduce the company’s overheads and the staff was reduced in massive lay-offs and again DC 8 pilots who were having conspicuous problems with the booze, were being “slaughtered.” It would also be in August the Aquarians took his last local building loan which was definitely going to be the end of all loan taking. With new hopes of getting out of his self-made stress situation, with light in sight at the end of the tunnel, he now exerted himself to completion of the house, but with his best efforts it would still take a year.
During the summer months the Aquarians pains in the thorax worsened quite considerably, and he now had to give up what was left of his poor golfing, but the swinging of the clubs would give him pains as though he was having slipped discs in his spine. His doctor gave him cortisone injections and tried sending him to a chiropractor but all without any noteworthy results. During the summer, he again suffered another sever case of calcium grain crystal passages down his urinal tracts, and in the middle of September, the joints in the arms had developed rheumatism. Again his doctor reverted to injections of cortisone in an attempt at lessening his suffering, but the miss-diagnosed of a “sheuermann” condition in his spine meant that all he could do was to be extra careful.
The Aquarian continued his work on the house in a final effort to get free from what had become his building nightmare, and this was done with the aid of the painkillers and the booze. At the same time he had to put his duty towards his employer in the first place, but it would not be much longer that he would be able to do either of these. Fortunately, his consciousness was beginning to come around to the realization that he would have to do something; this situation just could not go on any longer. He was now finding himself drunk in the pilots bar, the Cockpit-Inn, during the middle of the day, and this after only a couple of drinks. His sleep had become severely affected and this continuously, not just on occasions. He was beginning to need 10, 12, 14 hours of attempting to sleep where he would awaken every hour and then find himself in the morning or during midday, just as tried as when he went to sleep, but that this was known in some quarters as “medication sleep,” of this he had no knowledge.
During this time the Aquarian lost completely all overview on his financial situation and no longer had any idea whether he was going into dept with his banking accounts and credit cards. He simply gave up trying to understand what was going. To top it all off, he was missing his wife, the sex with her that is, and it would not be long before he had a girlfriend in Luxembourg. The added load involved in having to be sneaking with his new girlfriend, gave him some more of the delightful remorse and feelings of diminished self-worth. The frequency of his driving home late at night after drinking in the pilot’s pub, Cockpit-Inn, had now more than doubled. He no loner had the protection of his wife’s driving on his outings.
Yes, for the poorly conscious Aquarian, life and reality has become more and more a wonderful carousel of madness and confusion of which he understood less and less. He has now evolved well into the fourth and final phase of his alcoholic syndrome, the chronic phase, but will however, not be allowed to remain in this stage for long and not to evolve into the severest of the symptoms for he would not be able to keep his life. Hell’s four hideous Horsemen of Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair are now riding close by his side and the Aquarian’s alcoholism has now developed about as far as it would be permitted to evolve, if he is to fulfill the destiny of his existence, of which he has no knowledge.
The Aquarian is now reaching “bottom” in his state of misery, his home made Hell, and it is this bottom that he will now scrape until he does something about his condition or perishes, but before he can do anything meaningful about it, he must admit to himself the truth of its causes. When he now begins to take some serious actions about his health condition, he will miss the fact that the first action is to do something about his drinking, but in the end it will be the first friend of life, pain, that comes to the poor ignorant Aquarian’s aid. It will be pain that forces him onto the right path. Force him into becoming conscious of the true reasons for all his problems.
This is a new state of affairs and it is without any further changing of apocalyptic mounts since the evolution of the Aquarian’s alcoholism has run its full course. We therefore find the Aquarian next in a do or dye stale mate situation of the desperate events of;
The Rupture of the Fifth Seal.
Part One, Chapter Five
(Book of Revelation Chapter 6.)
The Rupture of the
The Living Death of the Author. His 46th
to 47th Year of life and the Fourth Stage of
his Alcohol Addiciton.
“We are like men who have lost their legs, they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy... Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic... Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove them selves exceptions to the rule, therefore non-alcoholic... Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!”More About Alcoholism. The Big Book of the Amateur Angels
Book of Revelation Chapter 6.
9) Then the Lamb broke open the fifth seal. I saw underneath the altar the souls of those who had been killed because they had proclaimed God’s word and had been faithful in their witnessing. 10) They shouted in a loud voice, “Almighty Lord, holy and true! How long will it be until you judge the people on earth and punish them for killing us?” 11) Each of them was given a white robe, and they were told to rest a little while longer, until the complete number of their fellow servants and brothers were killed, as they had been.
THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 6 : 9-11.There are no more horses with the ruptures of the seals since the progression of the chemical addiction has now run its full course. The game is up. This is a 1937 year old, prophetic and poetic description of the human brain's faith faculties--the Jamais vu centers--approaching the end stage of its dysfunctions through what is known as, “hitting bottom” in chemical addiction. This is thus the next to the last step, or the 42nd, of The Chronic Phase of the alcoholic progression, which in Dr. Jellinek's research is described as "vague religious desires develop (42) as the rationalizations become weaker" and the one that takes him to face the surrender step, which is th 43rd. There are no more changes in his personality of the 47 year victim.
"9) Then the Lamb broke open the fifth seal. I saw underneath the altar the souls of those who had been killed because they had proclaimed God’s word and had been faithful in their witnessing." Those that “had been killed” denotes inactive neurons of the Jamais vu centers in the right hemisphere. This equals their death.
"10) They shouted in a loud voice, “Almighty Lord, holy and true! How long will it be until you judge the people on earth and punish them for killing us?” The "people of the earth" that have killed those underneath the altar, are the matter hemispheric neuron's DNA-program "filter" copies, which have, through the intoxication failed re-uptake and wrong polarization, been rendered the "equivalent" to being dead. The "judgment and punishment" required is the "biofeedback" of this program back to the "earth", or the matter hemispheric neurons.
"11) Each of them was given a white robe, and they were told to rest a little while longer, until the complete number of their fellow servants and brothers were killed, as they had been."
The wait for the rest of the “dying” denotes the wait for the addiction deactivation of all the neurons in the Jamais vu center, and marked dysfunction of the Déjà vu center. This means that only when the Jamais vu center has become totally inactive through the dysfunction of its neurons, or “metaphorical death”, the alcoholic individual can “hit bottom”. This “hitting of bottom”, which means an utter collapse into depressive hopelessness, is necessary before the individual can surrender consciously his matter hemispheric ego-will, and his additional, unnatural “super-ego will” filter, over to “the care of God, as he is capable of understanding Him.” That “Higher Power-will” is through the Jamais vu center, whose inhibitory neuro-transmitter production has collapsed. Later, when, through the “12-step work”, they have become reactivated, this is “the first and the second rising from the dead.”
It are the neurons of the Jamais vu and the Déjà vu, faith and compassion faculties of the brain that are the most effected ones through man’s use of alcohol, but of the two, it is the Jamais vu which gets the worst disruption. This is a disruption which starts with the first drink and end in its collapse with the last, or in death. This faculty is the one which at the same time contains “the purpose of life” programs, and when that has been shut down, then life has no longer any meaning and the individual becomes depressed and may commit suicide. Human beings acquire alcoholism and psychiatric illnesses through three sources; they inherit disfunctioning (through the addiction filter) Jamais vu and Déjà vu faculties from their ancestors, acquire the disfunctions through the environment in their upbringing and through the consumption of chemical that replace the natural neuro-transmitters. It is usually the amount of inherited functional disturbances in this faculty, which decides whether the individual becomes an alcoholic-addict. Here the common error is to confuse the causes and the effects and most think that they are depressed through adverse events in their life.
The whole of the fifth seal thus denotes the end stage of an asymmetric depression conflict between the left and right hemispheres, of which the suffering alcoholics and addicts, in the end stage of their addiction, often ask “How much longer has this got to go on?” It is thus not mysterious that the collective-, cosmic-consciousness is presenting this metaphor of the “dead, underneath the altar” and then “being raised from the dead”, but this is utterly incomprehensible in any other terms that those presented here and fitting perfectly with the end-stage of the alcoholic syndrome, but the “surrender” is not possible without this “bottom-hitting” progression first taking place. The main problem in the endeavors of the neurological scientific community to understand the function of this faculty lies in its lack of a correct model for the human brain and the correct explanations for the creation of the “functional disturbance filter” created in the DNA-programs of the neurons in the seat of consciousness. An understanding of this phenomena requires not only extensive knowledge of quantum mechanics and neuro-physiology, but will further need the missing insights in quantum mechanics, as well as a personal experience of having been “on both sides of the fence”, that is, in highly addicted state and then going through a full recovery process from it.
END OF THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 6 : 9-11.
The Alcoholic Personality : Jellinek’s enquiry.
The aggressions, feelings of guilt, remorse, resentments, withdrawal, etc., which develop in the phases of alcohol addiction, are largely consequences of the excessive drinking, but at the same time they constitute sources of more excessive drinking. In addition to relieving, through alcohol, symptoms of an underlying personality conflict, the addict now tends to relieve, through further drinking, the stresses created by his drinking behavior.
By and large, these reactions to excessive drinking--which have quite a neurotic appearance give the impression of an “alcoholic personality,” although they are secondary behaviors superimposed over a large variety of personality types which have a few traits in common, in particular a low capacity for coping with tensions. There does not emerge, however, any specific personality trait or physical characteristic, which inevitably would lead to excessive symptomatic drinking. Apart from psychological and possibly physical liabilities, there must be a constellation of social and economic factors, which facilitate the development of addictive and nonaddictive alcoholism in a susceptible terrain.
The Living Death of the Aquarian.
His 46th to 47th Year in Life.
The Rupture of the Fifth Seal.The events of the end phases of the last apocalyptic rider are so important that in the Revelation, two seals or chapters are devoted to it. There are no new metaphors of horses and riders to describe new phases and changes in the progression of the Aquarian’s alcoholism, for it has now run its full course and the process now changes into the “beginning of the end”.
Narration by “Merlin the Wizard.”
This will be the “Death of the Two Beasts”, of which one is the man/beast whose name is represented by the number “666”, but this in turn means the arrest of the dragon who gives the beasts its power. The date allotted for the initiation of this process is the 3rd of November, Anno Domino, 1983, but the Aquarian will continue to ride the Pale-Colored Hors to the end, during which he will frequently meat with the; “Four Hideous Horsemen of Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair.” On the 31st of August 1984, the exhausted rider finally dismounts the Pail-Colored Horse of Death.
The tool which the Benevolent Creator was employing to get the Aquarian to step of the Pale Horse of Death was physical Pain, and this application He now increased. Pain, the friend and protector of life, without which life would not be possible, is natures warning system that tells the consciousness that something is wrong so the organism may correct its course and continue to live. Pain would eventually become the Aquarian’s ultimate teacher and his attempts at shutting-up this voice with painkillers would cease to work as he would come to realize that this was equivalent to his pulling the circuit breakers in the fire warning system in his aircraft in order to eliminate fires. Fires in flight have to be dealt with, but if the pilot does not know of the fire, he will not deal with it, which in turn means his doom.
Pain would further be forced to call in the aid of Fear and indeed, Pain the teacher, would later introduce the Aquarian to a number of other excellent natural teachers. Titus Lucretius, the Roman poet and philosopher of the Epicurean world-view, had in the first century BC declared that the definition of happiness was the absence of pain; physical and mental. The Aquarian, who had perceived gradual increase in both mental and physical pain in the preceding years, was now at the threshold of beginning to do something earnest about it, something other than just shutting it up. This would eventually lead him to becoming conscious of the other type of pain in his life; mental pains. The brain, the perceiver of reality and the guidance system of life, was also the receiver of pain; however, it perceives its own pain in another form than the physical. It received its pain in the form of over active instinct impulses and unbalanced emotions, to which the Aquarian had throughout his teens and adult life been administering alcohol, in stead of endorphins. When the time would come for the Aquarian to stop his self-medication of painkillers and alcohol for his physical pain, the mental pains would become conscious to him and thus the subject of his suffering. This would be his discovery that “he was on the bottom” and he would now scrape this bottom until his surrender.
The forces that control the synchronized order of events in the universe, now made their preparations for the setting of the stage, for the beginning of the end. They had now begun by the Aquarians wife taking a number of decisions at the beginning of the 1983, but neither the Aquarian nor his wife were aware that these would eventually serve to save his life as they would eventually place the Aquarian in a position that would force him to take action on the root cause of his problems.
We now go back and see how our stupor drugged, high flying pilot fairs, during his “psychological bottom scraping”, but this we do so that we may see how “fait” now sets the Aquarian up with the first of his two grand appointments with Pain. Pain that is take him out of the “denial” of his alcoholism by bringing him to a point where his ego collapses, but this will take place when the rest of the neurons in the Jamais-vu centers of his brain have completely become dysfunctional. This in turn will finally place his consciousness in a condition which mercilessly puts him in contact with reality and thus drives him into the surrender.
The Setting of the Stage; the Beginning of the End.The Aquarian returned to Luxembourg in the mid afternoon on the 30th of October 1983 after a five day trip to the Far East. After a few drinks to de-stress from the flight, he retired early and was up early the next morning working on the house, but in the morning of the second day he suffered a minor concussion on his back. It was the “damned sheuermann” again and it was not only in the spine, but also in the ribs and that did not make any sense, since it was also in the front part of the thorax. The codeine did reduce the pain initially, but would not keep up with it and the next day the Aquarian quit his work and went home to his family in Frankfurt.
By the time he arrived, the pain had become excruciating, so he took some more codeine tablets and some straight shots of cognac, then he settled down to drinking his VSOP and Coke. As the evening passed he again swallowed two codeine painkillers down with his drinks of alcohol that he might have his sexual relations with his wife, without having to go through both pain and pleasure at the same time, but that this sort of living offered not much to his wife either, of this he was not conscious. How far removed they both had become from living any sort of a happy, natural life was however beginning to dawn on them and it would be his wife who would take the initiative for him to do something about it.
When the Aquarian awoke the next day and got up out of the bed, the ceiling of the room started to spin around and he found himself flat on the floor with a headache that defied any descriptions. While having coffee his wife called from her work and told him that she had made an appointment for him with one of Germany’s best osteopatisian, Professor Dr. Peihertz. The Aquarian said something regarding Dr. Asnergel having already made the diagnoses of a sheuermann but agreed to go see Dr. Peihertz and was in his office that afternoon.
The professor asked the Aquarian about his complaint and his previous history of ailments and then sent him for 6 X-rays of the thorax and for urine and blood tests and told him to come back in five days. Five days later the Aquarian met again with the professor who began by asking the Aquarian jokingly whether he was undertaking any flights in outer space and then explained laughingly; “You see, you are suffering from the same disorder that astronauts get on their extended spaceflights. They get this problem from the absence of the gravitational field, but it disappears by itself when they return to the surface of the Earth. Are you sure that you have not been flying to high? You are suffering from a severe case of ‘osteoporosis.’ A metabolic disorder of the bones and your frequent kidney and urinal tract passage of calcium grain crystals come about through this. Literally speaking; you are urinating out the calcium in your bones.” The questioning expression on the Aquarian’s face remained and the professor continued; “Osteoporosis in men of your age is very rare, but not uncommon in women when they come to the end of their menopause, which we can cure with the administration of the female hormone, estrogen. Unfortunately, this cannot be done with men without disturbing their sexuality.” The professor made pantomimic gestures with his hands about his chest and hips; the Aquarian got the message. The professor continued; “The situation is quite critical and something must be done or it won’t be long before you loose your health altogether. What I am going to do is to send you through what is called a ‘Body-counter.’ This is a technique where you will be drinking some a radioactive isotope of calcium. We can then follow the course it takes in your body with a Geiger counter of a sort. Hopefully we will learn something about the metabolic disturbance that is causing the problem. There is no cause to be alarmed about the radio-activity, it is to week to harm you and it lasts only for about four to five weeks in the body. This means that you will have to come for measuring once a week for a month.”
The body-counter section was located in a street named for Paul Ehrlich and was situated deep in the ground in an air raid shelter from the Second World War. In the bunker the Aquarian met Dr. Nerver, who told him all about what awaited him. The body-counter was situated so deep in the ground in order to reduce the influence from the constant bombardment of cosmic rays and as a further filter it was housed in 30 inch steel cage; “We had to get the steel from the gun turrets of the battleships that were sunk in the North See during the Battle of Jutlandia in the First World War,” she told him. “The steel we are making nowadays is too contaminated with radio activity, due to the A-bomb testing.”
The 22nd of December the Aquarian was told by Dr. Peihertz what the body-counter revealed; “We find nothing wrong with the metabolism in your body’s glands or your intestines. This means that the problem is in the bones themselves. I must admit that I am lost as to a cure. I have not wrestled with a case like this before, but I will have my secretary call you when I have further information.” The Aquarian was not to hear from the professor again until in the beginning of 1984, or on the 7th of February, when he meat for the last time with professor Peihertz, who told him that he had learned that there had been some success with treatments with Calcitonin injections. His suggestion was that the Aquarian should undertake to go through such a therapy, but the Aquarian advised the doctor that he would have to have this done in the country of his insurance expressing his gratitude as they parted.
A week later the Aquarian underwent an airman’s medical check with his doctor in Luxembourg and on its completion he told the aviation examiner of his consultations, testing, diagnosis and suggested therapy in Germany. He further explained that he had promised to finish the house he rented out within six months and he would be finishing the job before he would undertake to submit himself to the injection therapy. The astound doctor shook his head and told him; “This is your health we are talking about; That should normally come first, but when you are ready, check with me, I will arrange the therapy for you.”
The next three weeks after his consultation with his doctor, the Aquarian kept him self going on the painkillers and continued using alcohol as though nothing were a miss. In the beginning of April the painkillers were again giving him trouble, they seemed not quite to succeed in removing the pain. The 5th of April came and the Aquarian now told his doctor that he was ready to go through the injection therapy, but the doctor now directed him to a Rheumatology specialist, married to an Osteopatisian. The next day, the Aquarian met with Madam M. J. Mahler, MD, who turned out to be a most pleasant and efficient professional and who started by asking him to make a detailed account of all cases of allergic reactions he had experienced in his childhood and adult life. Strong allergic reactions had been reported to calcitonin and after hearing his account, she told him that she considered it safer if he was monitored in a clinic.
In late April, Madam le Docteur called the Aquarian for consultation and gave him a provisory medical certificate which the Aquarian took to his employer, who was known for getting rid of pilots who got sick too often. The Aquarian told the administrator of the crew scheduling about his hospitalization, who in turn bitched about this being; “A whole three weeks and I got another pilot being sick for an extended period at the same time. I just can’t handle the flights with more than one pilot sick at a time,” he commented. The guilt ridden obnoxious Aquarian reacted with his sarcasm saying; “What the hell is this. Do we need a coordinator for pilot’s sicknesses so we can all make sensible decisions on when we are going to get sick; I am sorry! Should I have asked for a permission to be sick?”
About this time the Aquarian would hear the tales about the “Bad Boy Pilot,” who had gone for alcohol addiction therapy the year before, and had begun drinking again after a year of abstinence and as a consequence, had started to go into convulsions and deliriums during the withdrawals. Fortunately this had first happened while the aircraft was on the ground in Hong Kong and not during a flight. At this he had been grounded and sent of to Atlantiz for a medical examination. The examination had not revealed anything, and the “Bad Boy Pilot” had been told that if he drank again, he would in all probability, drop dead. The pilot returned to flying, and a month later, stories were circling of his drinking a gain and going into convulsions and delirium. The Aquarian found himself, as usual, thinking thoughts of disgust over people drinking like that. This time the management of the company did not know of the incidents of the “Bad Boy Pilot,” but his colleagues would cooperate with his alcoholism by keeping the incidents to themselves.
The Aquarian’s Hospitalization.The call for the Aquarian’s hospitalization came on the 20th of May and the next day, the Aquarian entered Luxembourg’s Central Hospital to get his first injection the next morning. As a precautionary measure he was to be on a special diet initially and was asked if he was on any medication, to which he informed of the Tagamed and the painkillers. He was then asked to refrain from this medication at least during the first days and with this came the undiminished force of the pains in his thorax. He was in the osteopathic wing, “the bone wing” of the hospital, where mostly traffic accident victims were recovering from bone fractures. With him in the double beaded room was a fellow of about thirty who had both his arms, both his legs and all of his body wrapped in plaster-of-paris, with openings to the wounds in the wrappings where steel pins could be seen sticking out of the flesh. He looked just like causalities in the cartoons; only the head was free. He had been in for three months and had about a year to go. It had been a motorcycle accident; the third one he had suffered. Later the Aquarian would learn that there had been some booze involved. The long term patient had been told that he was getting a pilot for company and was quite excited at this opportunity for learning of the adventures of flying.
The mild withdrawal symptoms that came from not drinking and using the painkillers were now gradually becoming conscious to him. He was more or less feeling them of and on all the time but the reaction to the injection was no worse than a mild diarrhea. His “girlfriend” came and visited him, but this was what the Aquarian called the women he had liaison with out-side of the marriage. Any moral questions as to the fairness to his wife of his having a “girlfriend,” no longer entered his consciousness.
During the stay in the hospital the Aquarian was given a lesson by his roommate, who could not move and who was condemned to lay on his back during most of his recovery. He was suffering from a severe case of self-pity and this manifested primarily in his complaints about inability to have sex with his young wife. This was further compounded by jealousy, since he was convinced that his wife was not being without sex. His wife would visit him three or four times a week and bring him a bottle of wine. The other male patients in the ward would at regular intervals gather in one of the rooms in the evening, and bring hard pornographic movies or “fat films” as they called them. After each evening of viewing the Aquarian’s roommate found it impossible to sleep on his regular dosage of sleeping pills and fell into the self-pity pit, calling for the nurses to give him some more sleeping pills or tranquillizer. With this he sipped wine until he more or less passed out. It, however, never entered his mind to spar himself the excitation of the sex drives with the pornographic films.
The 31st of May, during the morning visitation of Madam le Docteur, she told the Aquarian that since there were no further signs of allergic reaction and the diarrhea having subsided, he could leave the hospital and have the rest of the injections ambulant. Additionally the doctor told the patient that he was not to drink more than one a glass of wine or a beer a day, during the administration of the injections. The Aquarian left the hospital and went to his studio apartment in the village of “The Shakes” where he now wrapped him self up with his “girlfriend” for the first couple of days, taking daily trips back to the hospital for injections. This went on for the next four days until he decided to go to be with his family in Frankfurt, where he stayed for the next ten days. He then got the rest of his injections in Luxembourg and on the 21st of June the therapy was concluded with a final consultation with Madam le Docteur the next day.
Two Beers or not Two Beers; that is the Question!We now come to the part when the Aquarian is confronted with the facts of his existence and unknown to him, the question of its continuation, in a most decisive interview with Madam le Docteur. This would be the moment when physical Pain, called to its aide for the first time, the powerful agent of Fear. Fear of continued sufferings of physical Pain. Fear of lose of his livelihood; lose of his license to fly. Here the meager license insurance that the Aquarian carried was of little consolation. It was the 22nd of June when he sat down in front of Madam le Docteur who greeted him with a warm and reassuring smile as she summarized the efforts that had been made in order to help him. She then proceeded to draw up pictures of what the future would look like if these measures were not to work. She spoke with certitude in her expressions; it would mean a fast and total loose of health in a progression into becoming a cripple. “As you grow older, slight shocks to your bones will break them. Their healing will be increasingly slower and poorer and a life in increased pain.” The Aquarian, who had already enough experience with the disorder, not to question this gloomy prognosis, now felt at a loss as to what to say.
After Madam le Docteur had ended her summary she suddenly looked the Aquarian in the face and asked him rather bluntly; “Mr. Aquarius, how much alcohol do you drink? Please tell me about your use of alcohol.” The unusual and straight forward question took the Aquarian by surprise and momentarily numbed him. “Well, I drink a few bears in the evening, sometimes I have a few snaps with it,” was the first reaction. When the doctor just looked at him without saying anything, he continued; “Well, sometimes I have cocktails in the evening before dinner. Sometimes we have red or white with the evening dinner,” came next and he continued hesitantly. “Well, sometimes I have cognac with my coffee or cognac and coke high balls after dinner. Well, sometime I have a couple of drinks at lunch time. Liquid lunch you know. Once in a while I get a little loaded in the evening on weekends. Well, you know how it is.”
The Aquarian did not notice how long a time it took him to utter the admissions of his alcohol usage, which corresponded to about two thirds of the truth, but he noticed the seemingly long silence that followed before Madam le Docteur, spoke again. Madam le Docteur, who was from France where alcohol drinking was the national sport, apparently did not; “know how it is.” She now leveled the second salvo at the poor Aquarian; “Mr. Aquarius, are you not aware of the fact that what you are describing to me is commonly known as alcoholism? My dear Mr. Aquarius, are you not aware of the fact that alcohol is essentially a toxic chemical; a poison?”
There was another pause while the bewildered Aquarian thought of something to say. “Everyone I know drinks like that!” he managed, but at this irrelevant remark, Madam le Docteur gave from her a short sarcastic laugh and now smiling a smile that seemed both compassionate and sarcastic at the same time, opened up at the poor defenseless Aquarian with both barrels. “My dear Mr. Aquarius, what other people drink has nothing to do with you. It is my opinion that it is the alcohol which is affecting the metabolism in your bone structure, and that you have an individual and special allergic disposition to alcohol; a rare allergy that manifests this way.” The Aquarian, who noted that here, Madam le Docteur, was in agreement with professor doctor Peihertz, now stuttered out; “Can’t I then drink any alcohol?” The replay the doctor gave seemed to hold out a hope; “I am not saying that you can’t have a glass of wine or a beer with your meals in the evening, but it should under no circumstances be more and there should be no exceptions to this. Mr. Aquarius, you can’t finish the bottle in the evening, only a glass from it.” This ended the consultation and the doctor gave him the parting advice that it was he him self that was the guardian of his health leaving the Aquarian with gloomy thoughts. Neither the doctor nor the Aquarian had any realistic understanding of what they were dealing with, nor had they any premonition of what this conversation would lead to, but that was just as well for the Aquarian.
It may seem that this was just another case of a doctor telling his hard drinking patient of the hazards to his health, but things are not as simple as that. The reality of alcoholism is not simply the doctor telling the patient to stop drinking and the patient simply complying, but if such were the realities of the addictions then they would not exist.
During his worst drunk-bummers, the Aquarian had often promised himself that he would quit drinking before his drinking got any worse, but he had never quite understood how illogical this thinking was. He was now equally incapable of understanding what he was undertaking when he now set out to curtail his use of alcohol. However, the attempts at this would finally break him into some obedience to the biological laws of nature where pain would become a more meaningful and a merciless teacher, but it would first have to break him into surrender. Yes, we now find our Aquarian all ready to improve his health and stick to the prescribed drinking while returning to the Tagamed to keep his gastritis down and his Codeine and Penadol for the thorax pains. The Aquarian did not realize the effect the “opiates” had on his scope of consciousness; particularly his faculty of judgment, but this meant that the laws of delusion were now in full force in his head. This would now gradually lead to the Aquarian becoming conscious of the other “will” within him and what it was doing with his consciousness. This will, more forceful than his own, made him drink, even when he did not want to and it would show him that when it came to alcohol, he no longer possessed what he had believed to be; “The Free Will of Man.” He now began to think that he was loosing control over his drinking, not realizing that this had already happened years ago
Flunking the Controlled Drinking.On the 23rd of June, the day after the Aquarian’s final consultation with doctor Maler, the Aquarian returned to his professional occupation and the next 12 days took him on flights through the United States. During the trip he told his colleagues about the doctors orders and made jokes about himself; “Two beers or not two beers, that is the question!” Somehow he managed to leave it at that; just one beer.
It was a relatively happy homecoming for the Aquarian and he brought the usual gifts of toys for his daughters. He brought the duty free cigarettes and bottle of his favorite fine champagne, Remy Martin and a bottle of good wine. It was to be for his wife and the guests. From America he brought the steaks they all loved so much. The next day was a sunny 4th of July and the Aquarian got up early and took to repairing the rattan garden furniture which he had brought from Thailand. Towards the mid afternoon he felt that he had done some good work and it pleased him. He would have his beer now and he opened up one of the large German beer bottles. Things were really looking up, even his sleeping had improved, but unknown to him, this was due to his forced abstinence during the trip. The cold beer felt good and suddenly he realized that he needed stomach bitter snaps otherwise the beer was sure to give him an acidy stomach. Downing an Underberg indeed felt good in his guts and a while later he was through 3 beers and 3 bitters, which in turn made the Aquarian realize that it was the independence day in the U. S. and that definitely called for a VSOP and Coke. This ended his 6 week abstinence, but he had not been drunk since the middle of May.
When his wife came home a couple of hours later she found her, “a glass of wine or bear a day,” husband sitting in front of the television with a half empty Remy Martin bottle in front of him. It had been full when she left for work, and now madam Aquarius placed her self squarely in front of her husband and gave him the lecture. Was he not through with this sort of drinking. Was it not his health? What had happened to all the intentions he had been talking so much about in the past. There were no answers, the Aquarian just sat there, poured himself another drink and stared at her. She took the bottle away but this changed nothing, the drinking would last for three days but in n the evening of the seventh he managed to stop. He was to fly on the tenth. Most of the next two days was spent in bed recovering and wondering what had happened. For the first time he really noticed that he had somehow tricked himself into drinking, but he had been so determined not to drink more than what Madam le Docteur had suggested. A cardinal worry was the fact that he had been drinking for three days. Well, he would just start his abstinence again; after all it would take time to get used to this.
There was to be peace for little less than three weeks, but he was no longer secure that he was going to be able to stick to the doctor’s plan. He was not at all conscious of his increase in use of painkillers but felt continuously miserable and his sleep had now returned to the medication sleep, and his digestion was worse than ever before. All his problems body-functions problems that had diminished while he was in the hospital, had returned and seemingly stronger than before.
On the ninth he flew commercially back to Luxembourg and rested there until his flight east-bound around the world the next day. When he left, he was feeling better, which was about the only way he could feel compared to the days before. He would return to Luxembourg on the 22nd.
A Chat with the New Boss and the Operations Manger.The morning after his return he flew commercially to his family in Frankfurt and found him self sitting next to his company’s new managing president, the Swedish Mr. Rottenfelt. During the flight they conversed and the Aquarian told his new boss about his alcohol related health problems. Mr. Rottenfelt looked this extrovert subordinate of his over and asked; “Well, what are you doing about it? Are you complying?” to which the Aquarian replied, “Yes, of course. I have to but I am having problems,” and the conversation evolved into a discussion of the problems that the company had been having with excessive drinking of its pilots. The new President had now to hear a lecture from the Aquarian on how, during the 11 year he had been with the company, 12 of its 36 pilots with the company when he had been hired were now washed out by alcohol. They were either dead, had lost their licenses or had been fired. Alcohol had been involved somehow in all cases. Half of the original 24 that were left, were having problems with alcohol, and some of the once that had replaced the 12, had brought with them the same problem. To the Aquarian’s speech, the new President remarked rather dryly “We are aware of the problem and are looking into a solution. After all, some of our pilots have gone for therapy which seems to work quite well.”
After three days at home during which the Aquarian managed to keep his drinking limitations he left again for a trip through the States on the 27th and returned on the 1st of August. He now decided to stay in Luxembourg and spend the time with his “girl-friend,” but he was to leave again on the 6th of August. On the evening of the 3rd he went to the pilot’s pub, The Cockpit-Inn, where he was going to have just the prescribed “one beer” having no knowledge of the fact that he was going to drink more, and it would be two beers, two stomach bitters and two cognacs later that he would leave for the village of The Shakes where he would have a couple of VSOP and Coke at Café Suzette before he would start to go through the nightmare of another twelve or fourteen hours of trying to sleep but awaking once every hour through out the time. The next morning he simply had to have a drink to get back to normal and to be able to rest. The interrupted sleep pattern, with the attempted “pick-up drink cures” continued through the next two nights. On the 5th the Aquarian would refrain from drinking but he was now feeling as though he had not slept for a week. The fact that he was failing in his good intentions of complying with Doctor Maler’s suggestions, was now bothering him more then ever. He was now beginning to ask himself the question how much longer this would have to go on before it would end.
On the 6th of August—Hiroshima Day--the Aquarian left again for a Far East round the world trip but when he found in his company mail box a most unusual bulletin that was addressed to all the employees; it was in the form of a suggestion for a company paid counseling service as a solution to problems of alcohol and chemical addictions in the company. To most of the pilots this would have the same effects as if a “disgust-bomb” had been dropped on them; “What are they suggesting? That we are all drunks?”
Well, this ends our description of the Aquarian as he gradually became conscious of the fact that; “one glass of wine or a beer in the evening,” is something which he can no longer master and he would be moved several glasses closer to his ultimate surrender. The ego was shaking and beginning to crack, but it would have to shake harder, this along with his limbs, in the village of The Shakes. The part of his brain that contained what Freud had called the superego, which in reality is but a false ego-filter, would have to render the Jamais vu centers fully dysfunctioning or die the temporary death before the grand moment in the live and death struggle in the brain of the Aquarian could come to an end. This would be his conscious “surrender bottom,” and when this would come, it would be;
The Rupture of the Sixth Seal.
Part One, Chapter Six
(Book of Revelation Chapter 6.)
The Rupture of the
The Author's Lifesaving Surrender
at the Age of 47.
“I say this after many years’ experience as Medical Director I believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy... Men have cried out to me in sincere and despairing appeal; “Doctor, I cannot go on like this!.. I must stop, but I cannot! You must help me!”... Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices... In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if they are to recreate their lives... and unless there I an entire psychic change there is very little hope of recovery.”
The Doctor’s Opinion. The Big Book of the Amateur Angels.
Book of Revelation Chapter 6.
12) And I saw the Lamb break open the sixth seal. There was a violent earthquake, and the sun became black like coarse black cloth, and the moon turned completely red like blood. 13) The stars fell down to the earth, like unripe figs falling from the tree when a strong wind shakes it. 14) The sky disappeared like a scroll being rolled up, and every mountain and island was moved from its place. 15) Then the kings of the earth, the rulers and the military chiefs, the rich and the powerful, and all other men, slave and free, hid themselves in caves and under rocks on the mountains. 16) They called out to the mountains and to the rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from the eyes of the one who sits on the throne and from the anger of the Lamb! 17) The terrible day of their anger is here, and who can stand up against it?
THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 6 : 12-17.The rupture of the last of the destructive seals heralds the psychological collapse of the alcoholic-addict, where spatial hemispheric intron functions collapse and with it collapses the wall of denial. This is the surrender of the ego-filter, which is the end stage in the collapse of brain's faith faculties--the Jamais vu centers--which is known as the “surrender bottom” in chemical addiction. This is thus the last step, or the 43rd, of The Chronic Phase of the alcoholic progression, which in Dr. Jellinek's research is described as the "rationalizations becoming so frequently and so mercilessly tested against reality that the entire rationalization system fails (43) and the addict admits defeat" and becomes spontaneously accessible to introduction into the Fellowship of the Amateur Angels, or for detoxification and rehabilitation treatment. Nevertheless, his obsessive drinking continues as he does not see a way out.
12) And I saw the Lamb break open the sixth seal. There was a violent earthquake, and the sun became black like coarse black cloth, and the moon turned completely red like blood. This is the description of the Aquarian's "surrender drunk hangover", where he awakens in the Luxembourg village named Schutterange (The Shakes), experiencing the “violent earthquake” which amongst drinkers is called "the shakes". With the Jamais vu faculty (the sun becomes black) having collapsed and the Déjà vu faculty (the moon turns red like blood) vaguely responding.
13) The stars fell down to the earth, like unripe figs falling from the tree when a strong wind shakes it. All the brain-functions are now in the material hemispheric exon functions (stars fell down to earth) in the Brocka speech and Self-perception mirror neuron centers.
14) The sky disappeared like a scroll being rolled up, and every mountain and island was moved from its place. The spatial hemispheric intron functions have now ceased (sky disappears as if rolled up) and the brain's proper reality perception have moved out of place, with the natural production of endorphins and dopamines being severely decreased as the Jamais vu and Déjà vu faculties stop working.
15) Then the kings of the earth, the rulers and the military chiefs, the rich and the powerful, and all other men, slave and free, hid themselves in caves and under rocks on the mountains. The spatial hemispheric intron filters, the super-ego, the seven headed beast--the false prophet, or the archetypal character defects, are now out of action and hiding behind a vale of alcohol artificial high. These archetypal character defects are best known Biblically as the "seven deadly sins".
16) They called out to the mountains and to the rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from the eyes of the one who sits on the throne and from the anger of the Lamb! The spatial hemispheric intron filters, the super-ego, the seven headed beast--the false prophet, or the archetypal character defects, are now subjected to the "voice of the conscience" (the one who sits on the throne) and the desperate actions of the psychologically collapsed suffering alcoholic individual (the anger of the lamb).
17) The terrible day of their anger is here, and who can stand up against it? This is the day of the addicts "surrender bottom", but the surrender is the addicts only hope for recovery. The individual in the Revelation prophesy now surrenders and seeks the help of the fellowship of the Amateur Angels, and is sent for detoxification and rehabilitation.
The message of the metaphors in the sixth seal describes the brain's condition in the collapse, which means that the individual now either surrenders, or progresses into insanity and or premature death. The international service centers of the “Amateur Angels Fellowship” has produced a pamphlet informing of the research discovery of the psychological collapse of the spatial hemispheric functions during the mental brake-down of addicts.
END OF THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 6 : 12-17.
The Lifesaving Surrender of the
Aquarian at 47.
The Rupture of the Sixth Seal.The sixth seal passage in the Revelation has in the past centuries been understood to signify the physical “End of the World,” or “Judgment Day,” but here it is seen as a spiritual/poetic metaphor of the end of the world in the reality of one man’s consciousness, which in turn represents such an event in all men, as Professor Joseph Campbell saw it.
Narration by “Morgan le Fay.”
He is now going to have to come to the end of his rope, or “hit surrender bottom” as it would later be called in his consciousness, or as it was already known to millions of others. This would have to be so in order for him to be capable of beginning to make the right decision, which is only one; asking for help. Such a decision is sure to require the demolition of his justification and excuse systems for continued drinking and, as Dr. Jellinek so nicely puts it, render him “spontaneously accessible to treatment.” However, from the moment of surrender, it will require 18 days for the Aquarian to transform his changed reality into decisive action. We shall now be the observers to this fellow going through his darkest hour, as he sees it, given the circumstances and the condition of his consciousness. This is, however, is in reality his brightest hour, as we see it, given the circumstances of death being imminent should he fail to make the right decisions.
The Final Setting of the Stage; the Bitter End.It would be the month of August 1984 that the end would come for the Aquarian. The CARGOLUX crewmembers that had been through addiction therapy in Atlantiz had talked a lot about the general alcoholized condition of the Atlantizians in Luxembourg and this had resulted in an Atlantizian clergyman, who worked as a counselor on alcoholism in Atlantiz, making a couple of trips to the City of Luxembourg lecturing on Alcoholism. The director of operations, Mr. Johnston--who was of the opinion that all the problems with the personnel were due to alcoholism--became quite interested in making some organized counseling available to the employs.
The management had through this become aware that the possibility of “repairing” malfunctioning pilots, rather than just throwing them away, was economically to the company’s advantages. If their alcoholism could be “intercepted and arrested,” valuable employs could be retained along with their accumulative experience; this would be smarter than constantly hiring new pilots with limited experience and then going through the expenditure of training them. Besides, it was almost impossible to know whether the new recruits did not have the same problem latent in them. The evolution would then be that Mr. Johnston got in contact with an Atlantizian who ran a counseling agency in Orlando, Florida, and a contract was made. In the beginning of August of 1984, operation “Dry ‘em Up” was initiated.
This was all unknown to the Aquarian who reporting for duty on the 6th, had found in his company mailbox a joint bulletin from the company and the counselor. The bulletin was about professional “Employee Assistance Program” offering counseling for alcoholism, drug abuse and chemical addictions for the employs at the company’s expense. What the Aquarian paid special attention to was the declaration that the employees would enjoy full understanding of their problems. During the trip the Aquarian noted that there was much discussion amongst the crew on the subject of the bulletin and the reactions were mixed and most were disgusted, some were even enraged, particularly the heavy drinkers.
Stories were again circling about the “Bad Boy Pilot,” and now he was said to be drinking secretly and was having convulsions and delirium attacks again. It was said that he had on couple of occasions, been going through the attacks on the way to the flights and the crews were now blaming him for the companies “Drying ‘em Up” campaign.
The Bitter Sweet Surrender.The Aquarian returned to Luxembourg at 0600, the morning of the 12th where he an hour later arrived in his studio in the village of The Sakes. He did not care about much anything, and pored himself some VSOP and Coke as he was feeling like he had not sleep the whole trip, and he knew that he was not going to be able to sleep without a couple of drinks. He was going to get sleep, no matter how he went about it and now took his Tagamed and Penadol to further insure that he would sleep. Three hours later he was going through the usual pattern of sleeping for an hour in a shallow sleep and then awaking, but it was Sunday morning and the church bells on the square were chiming so loud that it was impossible to sleep anyway. In his discontentment he got up and went down stairs to the Café where Suzette pored him an extra large Italian stomach bitter; Fernet Branca. His stomach felt indescribably uncomfortable, like it was full of rocks and bugs so he would now have to have some VSOP and Coke to get the bitter taste from his mouth and sooth the stomach further. The village people were all going to the church next to the café on the square where the Aquarian was now alone with Suzette drinking his cognac and staring at the mirror in front of him. Suddenly he began to laugh sarcastically and half hysterically; he had become momentarily conscious of reality and the facts were going through his mind. He was now drinking outside of the prescribed limits, and this was now taking place for the third time since he had started the controlled drinking. He gradually became conscious that he was never going to be able to control his drinking, he need the alcohol to much, the craving was to strong and this “other will of the craving” would always take over, would always win. It was hopeless; he was going to wreck his health, no matter what was at stakes. He would loose his job and his family to boot. Suzette looked at him with an expression of puzzled sympathy in hear eyes and asked if something was wrong. The Aquarian replied; “Just some funny thoughts, let me buy you a drink.” She accepted and the Aquarian had a VSOP with Coke before he staggered back to his rented studio.
The Aquarian now made another attempt at getting some sleep and managed a couple of hours after which he again was down stairs in the Cafe for another round of bitters, cognac and Coke. A while later he got into his car and drew up to the top of General Crechel’s Hill, where he parked with a view of the house he had built in the hills below. There he now sat in the car until it began to become dark while the final truth about his health, his life, his drinking, his profession, his future and his family, crept into his consciousness. Suddenly he knew why the “Bad Boy Pilot” had continued drinking, even after suffering four attacks of withdrawal spasms and delirium and after the doctors had told him that he risked dying in any such attack. His “will” had, simply nothing to do with the question whether he drank or not. It was this other “will” which made him drink, regardless whether he intended or not. This other “will”, which worked through the “delusions.” This was the “will” that created the lies and excuses that lead to the drinking. Once this had started, nothing mattered. The Aquarian tried to imagine himself like he had been, knowing he would never be able to drink like he used to; he had tried that long enough. He looked back over his life and saw how he had changed after he had been through the trouble with his wife. It was now 10 years since; boy had he been drinking. He was now conscious that all he really seemed to want to do was to drink. When it came to the booze the job did not seem to make any real difference; neither did the family; yet he knew that he could not exist without these things. This paradox was unbearable, unacceptable, but these thoughts now represented the collapse of about two thirds of the lies in his consciousness.
The Aquarian now cried bitterly and for a long time, in deep spasms thinking about his two daughters. It all seemed so useless and hopeless as he looked down to the slopes below at the house he had built. He was not even living there. He could not afford to live there. How had it all happened? He could not stop drinking. The sleep would get worse. The osteoporosis would not heal. The pains had come back and would get worse. In the end he would not even be able to have sex. Not even with more painkillers. Where would it all end? Why was this all happening? Why was it happening now when his seniority number for captain’s promotion was coming-up?
The subordinates of pain were riding around in his head, fear, confusion, desperation, hopelessness were taking their turns at scolding him and again he continued his bitter crying, this time without tears. He felt as if doomed. He had up until now managed to keep a clean record with his company, this apart from somewhat greater number of sick days, however, not because he was drinking but because of the effects it had on his health. This was now starting to get worse and soon it would be out in the open that he was so often sick because of his drinking. It was he who had been talking to his brothers about drinking less. It was he who had been talking to captain Burnthawk about drinking less. It was he who had bragged about doing something about his drinking before he would be unable to keep it clear from his flying. How could this be happening to him? Now it would not be long until he would become like so many of his colleagues, which he had watched progress into a state where they would no longer be able to keep it “18 hours from bottle to throttle,” and had then been made unemployable through a dismissal without any reference. This would be his next lot and it meant no decent job anywhere.
There suddenly the company’s bulletin came to his mind, but it was in the car and he now read it again; there was some hop in this. It had definitely to do with him. The Aquarian, who had actually been “on the bottom” for quite some time, had now become conscious of this himself and now sensed that the next one might be the bottom of a coffin six feet below the surface. The Aquarian now made the first sensible decision towards saving his life; this was the decision that he would make a decision, to go for therapy, like some of his colleagues had. It would, however, be 18 days before the intended decision would be made and this would require the help of others.
Medication Amnesia. A Scary Experience.The Aquarian returned to the studio and now read the “Employers Assistance Program” bulletin over and over again. All what he could make from it was that they were more or less suggesting to employees that might be having problems, to go for chemical addiction counseling. The company was promising understanding and when the Aquarian read this, a strange mixture of hope and despair was set in motion in his mind. On the other hand, this meant an open admission of everything; an admission that he was a drunk or an alcoholic. No, never, never, never! Numerous crewmembers were much worse than he was. Well, he would think about it and he would do something about it. He was due for a two week summer vacation in three days. Then he would make up his mind. After all he would have to speak to his wife about this. The Aquarian felt some relief after having reached this far in his decision making and now managed to fall a sleep.
He was to stay in Luxembourg on “stand-by” basis until his vacation would start on the 16th and was not permitted to drink and somehow he did not have any desire for a drink. For reasons unknown to him, he had feelings of repugnance towards alcohol; somehow the stuff now gave him the creeps. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday he stayed in Luxembourg and attended to some unfinished personal business and though he did not have any drinks, he continued taking his medication.
It was then on the morning of the 16th, the first day of his vacation, that he noticed something most puzzling when he awoke. The studio was spick and span, clean and orderly and he remembered distinctly that it had been in disorder the night before. Another mystery appeared; the unpaid bills that he had laid out on the sitting section table the night before, now lay there all neatly aligned and stamped paid, “15th August 1984.” Yes, there was more, the maternity gifts for the wife of his neighbor were no longer there, they were gone. His wife had given them to him when he left Frankfurt, but he was to deliver them after the birth. Yes, the child was born, but he had not delivered the gifts and they had been in the studio yesterday.
Something was not making sense and he could not find any explanation. He now noticed that the date on his watch said the 16th and he looked on the calendar on the table. In his mind it should be the 15th, “The Ascension of Mary” it said on the catholic calendar. What was going on? Had he been drinking so severely that he could not remember it? No, that could not be, he had no hangover to speak of and felt relatively well.
The Aquarian had no idea of what “medication black-out” was like and it was to be some time until he was to learn about this. For now he was scared and worried. It was the 16th all right, no doubt about it. At noon he went down stairs to Café Suzette; maybe Suzette could shed some light on the mysterious disappearance of yesterday. He cautiously asked her some questions; yes, he had been there a couple of times yesterday. No he had not drunk any alcohol, no not even a beer. He had sandwiches and Coke. That was all. Yes, he seemed quite normal. A puzzled expression appeared on Madam Suzette’s face and remained there, but the Aquarian did not explain.
In the early afternoon he went to the neighbor’s house. Teena, the 10 year daughter was alone there; yes, he had been there yesterday and had brought the maternity presents. No, he had not stopped or had anything. Was he looking normal? Yes, very normal. No he had not even accepted a beer which she had offered him. The young girl gave him a scrutinizing and puzzled look. He left and went back to the apartment. Well, who had cleaned? Who had paid the bills? It must have been he himself. Of course there could be no other. He called the bank and made up a story; he had for-gotten something. Yes, he had been there but nothing had been found.
Well, if it was the 16th, then he was on vacation and the Aquarian now flew to his family in Frankfurt and when he got home, he found that his wife was giving him the cold shoulder and the atmosphere was that of freezing fog. Without getting drunk, the Aquarian now had a few drinks during the evening, tolerating his wife’s sarcastic remarks about the man who only drank a glass of wine or a beer in the evening.
After his wife had parted for work the next day, a Friday, the Aquarian, got himself under steam by having a couple of beers and stomach bitters for breakfast. He was alone in the house and now started to work on the plan he had been playing with in his mind. He got the telephone directory; yes, there it was, the Amateur Angels. There was a mail voice on the other end of the phone and he asked if there was someone who could give information on alcoholism. The answering voice said; “Oh Yes, I am an expert. Are you having problems?” The Aquarian explained about his experience with the black-out. Yes, he was on occasions drinking rather heavily. No, he was not using any tranquillizers or sleeping pills. Yes, he was using some prescribed medication. Yes, he used a lot of painkillers. After what seemed routine questioning, the “expert” now told the Aquarian that the use of alcohol and painkillers frequently brought about black-outs and even death of those “crossing” these; or using them together. He should come to the meetings of the Amateur Angels, there he would meet people who had experience with this; they could answer most of his questions and there he would be able to get some literature on the subject. Would he like to be picked up and brought to a meeting? No, that would not be necessary, thank you, goodbye.
The rest of the afternoon the Aquarian continued his drinking and when his wife came home with the girls, he was his usual loaded-self. She found him sitting in the living room, drink in hand, and in front of him, the company’s memo on problems with alcohol and drug abuse. She now began giving him the usual lectures and when the Aquarian, who had no awareness of the pains his drinking was inflicting on his spouse, had gotten the worst salvo of her anger, he suddenly heard himself say quietly; “It does not matter, I am going for alcohol addiction therapy.” Having said this he now pushed the company’s bulletin towards her which she read briefly, looking alternatively at him and the brochure but said nothing and went about her business in the kitchen, not talking to him for the next hours. From now on she would hardly speak to him. The unexpected declaration somehow changed her and she now just left him alone. What the meaning of this was, he did not have a clue and somehow he did not care much any more. He had now started to feel that he was completely isolated in his family, but this had been the reality for a long time, without him being a ware of it. For the next days he kept a low profile and continued his drinking over the weekend; It did not matter. The vacation was to be his last drinking spree anyway. He was using the painkillers again, and that did not matter either.
Top-Fit and Ready to Drop Dead!On Wednesday the 22nd, he stopped his drinking since he was going for an FAA by-annual medical check-up. He called the FAA medical examiners office in Frankfurt and got an appointment for Friday afternoon. Wednesday and Thursday he sobered up. Friday, the 24th came and he appeared for the medical with a German professor of medicine at the Göethe University. The test went well and no defects were discovered but the examiner did not notice that the pilot was wearing dark sunglasses inside the building, or that the overture of the pupils in his eyes, were unusually wide open. He could off course not know that they remained this way most of the time and not naturally adjusting to the intensity of light in the environment. On the application formula, where the pilot was asked to inform of all health and medical aspects of his life, he told of the osteoporosis diagnosis. He reported the usual things that had been ailing him during the past years, but when it came to the part of; “Drug or Narcotic Habit” or “Excessive Drinking Habit,” he marked the “No” side of the questionnaire. The examiner gave him a “First Class” medical certificate, and he left feeling relieved; At least there was nothing wrong with the major components in his body other than the osteoporosis, but the seriousness of his condition was not conscious to him and would be so until six months later.
In the evening the Aquarian had a few drinks and managed to get his wife to comment on his intention of going for therapy. It would not be necessary for him to go into a “nut house” in order to learn to control his drinking. He should; “Just drink less!” it was as simple as that. He should just drink like other people; like she did for example. That was about all she had to say about this crazy idea of his. The Aquarian was completely unable to form any insights into how she was feeling or what the past months had done to her emotional life. The increased insecurity that had been growing with her in the past years was now coming to climax, and this was not analytically conscious to either of them. In the morning of the next day, a Saturday, some acquaintances of theirs were getting married and they had been invited to the wedding reception in the early afternoon.
The Beginning of the Aquarian’s Last Drunk?Saturday the 25th would be the beginning of the last drunken spree in the life of the Aquarian. It was a lovely sunny day and champagne and some popular German wines were being served before the dinner. The Aquarian’s gastritis torn stomach handled the bubbly champagne poorly, but he knew how to deal with that. A few stomach bitters would do the trick and when they left the reception the Aquarian was again loaded. In the evening he somehow managed to get his wife to go with him to his favorite bar, the St John’s Inn, but she saw that he was now getting drunk, she went home and an hour later the Aquarian dragged him self home in a taxi. Sunday he spent at home and the cold war was on, but his father in law was good enough to spend the afternoon drinking with him while the Aquarian told him of his plans to go for alcohol therapy. His father-in-law, who understood the Aquarian’s somewhat told him; “If you think it will stop the osteoporosis, by all means do it.” In the late evening, his wife again gave him a dressing down speech, which got him in a wild mood which ended in his slamming of doors and cursing hear and hear father, calling them; “God forsaken trash,” using terms for others that were now best applied to him.
Monday morning, the 27th, the Aquarian had again a couple of drinks for breakfast for pick-up. He then packed his suitcase and flew back to the City of Luxembourg without saying good-bye to his family. It would be the last he saw of them for seven weeks. On the arrival he went straight to the Cockpit-Inn where he joined a group of tourist, Atlantizians from Dragon Island. When they entered the bar they had recognized him and he joined them acting as if he owned the place. The older ones knew him, and the younger ones had heard of him, and he was the man of the evening, picking up the tab of course. Shortly before closing time his girlfriend came and noticed right away how miserable he looked. She asked him what was wrong; “You look like shit!” she told him. “You look like a bum!” “You look as having been boozing for days.” When the bar closed he went home with her and told her of his trails in the past being unaware that what he was saying, matched in no way the pictures he had previously given her of his relations with his wife. He then told her of his decision and soon after passed into sleep not knowing that he had revealed himself as a confounded liar. Later in the night he awoke and wanted her, but she flatly told him that she had no more interest in a man who was a liar and a drunken wreck.
It was the morning of the 28th and the Aquarian awoke early and got a taxi to his studio. This was the end, being turned down by a girl who a few weeks before had adored him. This was the last straw. When he got to the studio, he showered and then spent a long time in front of the mirror looking at himself shaking profusely. Again sipping VSOP and Coke now once again looked over the company’s brochure on the “Family Assistance Program.” When was he going to take some action on this? The vacation was almost over and he had not done anything but talk about what he was going to do. The rest of the day was spent at home trying to sleep going through the hourly sleep patterns. In the evening it was the Cockpit-Inn but now he had very limited appetite for the booze. He had again gotten a felling of aversion and no desire to drink.
Wednesday, the 29th of August, the Aquarian would again spend trying to make a decision but by now he was suffering what seemed a permanent hangover. It seemed that he did not have to drink the day before, he still was hung over and his hand shook as if he had Parkinson’s decease. Maybe he was hung over from the years of drinking? Yes that was it. The years of drinking had finally had brought him into a state of permanent hangover, that was it. He called the company’s operations and learned that he was to fly the 1st of September, or in two days. What was he going to do? He was going to have to get of this carousel he was riding on? If he did not do it now, when would he do it then? He knew he would have to make a decision, but every time he thought he had decided, the same thoughts came to him. Are you going to label your self as a drunk, an alcoholic and an abuser of medication? That would be the end? He would never be able to look anyone in the face again.
Thursday the 30th would be the day the Aquarian finally acted in his seemingly endless decision making process. He awoke early and about midday he called one of the pilots who he knew had gone for therapy in Atlantiz. He got contact with his wife who told him that Joe was due to arrive in two hours and she would have him call. When Joe then called, he somehow knew what the call was all about and told him that he would like to come over and bring Sherman the mechanic with him. Sherman had not been drinking for four years. The Aquarian agreed for a meeting in Café Suzette in an hour but this was all quite strange to the Aquarian who was feeling some kind of an unexplainable relief, a pleasant feeling within, but he could not put his finger on what was giving him this feeling.
The “Twelfth Step” Call.Captain Joe was almost six feet tall and heavy set, Sherman, slightly smaller. When they arrived in the Cafe, they greeted him warmly and joined him at the corner table where he was sipping VSOP and Coke. There were no other customers in the Café, and the Aquarian opening up the conversation telling them the whole story in as few words as he could; he would have to stop drinking or loose his health, his license and his family. He had become convinced that he could not stop drinking and there were some problems with his use of painkillers as well. They listened patiently to his story and Joe told him that this was no surprise to them; they knew that he was beginning to have problems as so many in the small company. He now told them that he had decided to go for therapy and would appreciate their advice in this. What did they recommend? Joe came right back and told him that in Atlantiz the detoxification and therapy business had become just as good as in America. Joe bought the next round and when the Aquarian asked for Coke, Joe insisted that he have his VSOP and Coke, telling him that it bothered them none what others drank.
Joe now gave the Aquarian information about the therapy; “They don’t do anything with you but give you vitamins and you can walk out any time you wish, but the therapy is simply a six week school. All you have to do is to call the operations manager and tell him that you are going for the therapy and then to get on the flight to Atlantiz at noon tomorrow and I will arrange the rest. You will be picked up at the airport and brought to the clinic. Alcoholism is now recognized as sicknesses you know.” No, the Aquarian did not know, to him it was some sort of character weakness. Joe continued; “The health insurance here will reimburse the paid bill for the therapy on your return.”
The conversation now turned to the visitors telling the Aquarian about their experiences and giving him some understanding that it really was possible to live without alcohol and never wanting it. When departing, Captain Joe had one last advice to give the suffering addict. “Once you are in the clinic, do not be in contact with the world outside. The more you ignore the world during the course, the better you chances of success.”
Right after the visit was over the Aquarian went to his studio and called the operations manager, Mr. Thrust. He came straight to the point; “It seems that I have become an alcoholic and that I may have a problem with painkillers as well. It seems that I need to go for therapy.” The manager quite understood and even congratulated him on his decision. Before retiring the Aquarian packed his suitcase for his departure at noon the next day. He slept better during the night than he had done for a long time, but this would be the beginning of the chain of smaller and larger miracles that would from now on be taking place in his life. He had indeed reached the turning point.
Well, w are inclined to agree with Fyodor Dostoevsky, when he tells us that “Out of Suffering Maturity grows, of Maturity Freedom is born.” Our story suggests that he is right as now the suffering in the Aquarian’s is to begin to become his key to maturity and freedom. Now the events of the Seals in the Book of Revelation are temporarily suspended in favour of metaphors describing the Aquarian meeting his people and the Amateur Angels, which will render him capable of breaking the seventh and last seal, but first on the agenda are;
The 144.000 People of Israel.
Part One, Chapter Seven
(Book of Revelation Chapter 7.)
The 144.000 People
The Author's Return to the
Nation of his Origin.
“The doctor said: “You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover, where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you.” Our friend felt as thought the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang. He said to the doctor, “Is there no exceptions?” “Yes,” replied the doctor,” there is. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. They appear to be in huge emotional displacements and rearrangements… Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding force of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them.”
Dr. C. G. Jung 1933. The Big Book of the Amateur Angles.
Book of Revelation Chapter 7.
1) After this I saw four angels standing at the four corners of the earth, holding back the four winds so that no wind should blow on the earth or the sea or against any tree. 2) And I saw another angel coming up from the east with the seal of the living God. He called out in a loud voice to the four angels to whom God had given the power to damage the earth and the sea. 3) The angel said, “Do not harm the earth, the sea, or the trees, until we mark the servants of our God with a seal on their foreheads.” 4) And I was told that the number of those who were marked with God’s seal on their foreheads was 144,000. They were from the twelve tribes of Israel, 5-8) twelve thousand from each tribe: Judah, Reuben, Gad, Asher, Naphtali, Manasseh, Simeon, Levi, Issachar, Zebulun, Joseph, and Benjamin.
THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 7 : 1-8.All but one seal have been ruptured and the psychological collapse and surrender of the alcoholic-addict has taken place. He is now out of the primary denial state. This is the end of The Chronic Phase of the alcoholic progression, which in Dr. Jellinek's research describes as the 43rd step. This and the next chapters now describe events that are not specific deeds or actions on behalf of the Aquarian, but actions manifested by the deeds of others. He now becomes the subject, object of the actions of helping individuals as he enters detoxification and rehabilitation treatment and eventually through this is introduced into the Fellowship of the Amateur Angels.
1) After this I saw four angels standing at the four corners of the earth, holding back the four winds so that no wind should blow on the earth or the sea or against any tree. These winds are also known as the; “Four Hideous Horsemen of Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair,” but these anxiety generators must now be kept out of the addicts conscious matter hemisphere if he is not to loose his temporary inner tranquility and to make it into the therapy.
2) And I saw another angel coming up from the east with the seal of the living God. He called out in a loud voice to the four angels to whom God had given the power to damage the earth and the sea. Here is an indication for the soul, psyche, anima or atman of the addicted Aquarian, which is now returning from Central Europe to his native country, Atlantiz, which he is now approaching on a flight arriving from the east. The seal of the living God is the dharma of his soul, or atman, about which he has no knowledge what ever, but this is a crucial phase in the preparations for his receipt of The Little Scroll.
3) The angel said, “Do not harm the earth, the sea, or the trees, until we mark the servants of our God with a seal on their foreheads.” This is the spiritual connection for the souls, psyches, animas or atman of the chemical addiction counselors (servants of God) and others, who are to guide the rehabilitation of the Aquarian.
4) And I was told that the number of those who were marked with God’s seal on their foreheads was 144,000. They were from the twelve tribes of Israel. This is the moment the flight of the Aquarian begins its decend over Dragon Island where he puts down an empty glass from his last drink in life. This is taking place over the spot where he had his confirmation and taken his first drink, 34 year prior--in 1950--where the population of Atlantiz at that time had been 144,000 (official census 143.973).
The souls, psyches, animas or atmans of the descendants of these people are now all to become the spiritual counselors (servants of God) to the Aquarian. Now they will all become the teachers of the Aquarian, either to show him how to be, or to warn him how not to be.
5-8) twelve thousand from each tribe: Judah, Reuben, Gad, Asher, Naphtali, Manasseh, Simeon, Levi, Issachar, Zebulun, Joseph, and Benjamin. This is the highly decorative mystical metaphor for the 12-step program that is to save the live of the Aquarian. Upon his return to Atlantiz, he will enter into a “Minnesota model therapy” detoxification and rehabilitation, based on this 12-step recovery program. This begins by him attending lectures by a counselor named Ragnar and he later realizes that this is the “Ragnarrök” prophesy from the old Norse classic, THE EDDA.
END OF THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 7 : 1-8.
The Aquarian’s Return to Atlantiz.
The Beginning of his Recovery and Redemption.
The 144.000 people of Israel.Actually, there is really nothing special about the Aquarian going for detoxification and rehabilitation, it is really only a story about; just another drunk trying to sober-up and to stop drinking, and learning how to stay stopped, this in order that he may live. The reasons for our telling this story in such details, is the possibility of this being the proper interpretations of the Book of Revelation. All this has then to do with the discovery of the final understanding of the human brain, plus a lot of other “final understandings”, this now in humanity’s darkest of times.
Narration by “Merlin the Wizard.”
This detoxification takes place in Atlantis in a ward whose approaches to the problem are based on the teachings of the Amateur Angels, where the prime elements at work are the powers of love and compassion. This is the “force” that initially gets the brain’s natural endorphin and dopamine production re-started, being the neurotransmitters of truth, love and the ecstasy of live; the mysterious healing forces of the soul. However, the most important element that will be engaged in the addicts brain is the “mysterious” forces of faith; humanities most controversial contemplation. This usually comes into being during the working of the steps and then through a spiritual experience, which then gradually leads to a spiritual awakening. This force works initially quite poorly in the alcoholics, since, like it is described in the Fifth Seal, the nerves in the nerve-centers that deal with this force, are all “dead” or dysfunctioning.
Contrary to what many believe, the doctors and the nurses in the therapy are only secondary factors in effecting the initiation of the recovery; insuring a safe withdrawal through the initial shock to the nerve-system. This is thus a responsible method for preventing inadvertent deaths that may be brought about by the effects of “Quitting Cold Turkey” during detoxification, but for the purpose of preparing the addicts for the Amateur Angels in the rehabilitation, it is necessary that the “health professionals” be recovering addicts themselves; since all other professionals--such as psychologists and psychiatrists—are generally unfit for this. This is due to the fact that the vital centers of faith and compassion are not working in the psychologists/psychiatrists brains, much beyond that of the addicts. This then commonly manifests in the wrong approach in their “helping efforts,” as their motives for this are “to make a living” for themselves, but this becomes obvious by asking; "How can anyone guide someone into saving his life from a terminal addiction if he has not had to save his own life from such a peril?"
The professionals of psychology and psychiatry who do not possess altruistic faith concepts based continuous introspection and know nothing of the function of the brains compassion-centers and faith-centers, tend to look at the manifestation of the restoration of these centers, as delusions, psychosis or insanity. They are not capable of understanding that these signs are just manifestations of the healing process. They in turn have no powers over the addictions, which they denied, and then attempt to assert them selves and insure their authority by the production of “diagnosis” and “labels,” through purposeless and negatively functional medical reports, loaded with meaningless jargon, describing only the situation but no effective cures. This serves their “survival motives” to secure customers. What is worse is that they try to “correct it” by administering “false endorphins” in the form of drugs, which is precisely what the addicts are trying to get away from, the alcohol being in reality but a drug. They thus, unwittingly, are attempts at producing a correction of a fault with the same methods it was created and it may thus destroy the addict’s chances at recovery. This takes place primarily through giving the alcoholic-addicts, the impression that there is something other than addiction that is the matter with them resulting in a phenomenon known as dual diagnosis. This in turn leads to the alcoholic-addicts trying to deal with two kinds of problems; one where he cannot take any chemicals, another where he has to take drugs, which dangerously confounds the problem. The roots to this problem being in the fact that addiction is not to this day understood in scientific terms by the medical community on planet earth.
Good then! Let’s have a look at our sorry and miserable little squirm and how he for the first time in his life, begins a really meaningful obedience to the laws of nature, which are the laws of the Benevolent Creator. This now being begun by his returning to his, for it was amongst them that the negative evolution in his life began. The Aquarian is now to begin to learn how he has been like the Magic Apprentice in Goethe’s poem, poem which Walt Disney portrayed with Mickey Mouse in his masterpiece, Fantasia.
The Greatest Adventure Begins.It was the day that the Hindus traditionally celebrate the birth of Lord Krishna, 31st of August that the newly self-admitted alcoholic, drug addict, drunk awoke in the early morning hours and to his surprise feeling relatively fit in spite of his permanent state of hangover. He showered, went through his shaky shaving, had some coffee and when Captain Joe came, and now informed him that everything had been arranged at the other end. He told him that he would be transported to the clinic from the airport, being admitted in front of a waiting list of about 200 patients. Joe continued. “Anura, who works in the Atlantiz Air check-in, is going to get you on the flight although you are on a standby-ticket; Anura is one of us you know.” What do you mean? One of us; what? The Aquarian inquired. “Anura went for therapy two years ago and has been sober since; she is a drunk like us.” The way Captain Joe used this word, “drunk”; gave the Aquarian the creeps.
When they arrived in the terminal and Anura had checked the Aquarian in behind the check-in line, Captain Joe wished him all the best for his therapy-school and left. After the check-in Anura told him that she would meet him in the restaurant on the other side of immigration where she joined him with another surprise; what would he like to drink? The Aquarian stuttered out; “Some coffee I guess” but Anura quickly countered “Hell no, I am going to order some beer for you. You need a beer, I can see that. As a matter of fact I think you need something more that just a beer. Am I right?” The Aquarian looked puzzled at her; “I am going to an alcoholic clinic, what about that?” “Yea, people usually report there drunk and some clinics even prefer the patients to be drunk on arrival.” she said. The waiter came and she ordered coffee for her-self and a beer for the Aquarian who added an order for a large Fernet Branca. Anura laid her hand on his hand and continued; “This may be the end of all your miseries, as is has been for me, one day at a time.” The Aquarian had another beer and bitter before his flight was called and when he left she given him the same advice Captain Joe had; “Remember, while you are in there, leave the world out there, out there; it is the best advice I can give you. Good luck Apallo!”
Is it the Last Drink? Is it a Homecoming in Disgrace?When the Aquarian walked on board he was greeted by a stewardess who he knew and who smilingly welcomed him on board and shortly after the aircraft reached cruising altitude, this stewardess which was the ‘chef-du-cabin’, came straight to him an asked him if he would be her guest for free drinks during the flight. Remembering Anura’s words, the Aquarian accepted and she made sure that the Aquarian had a full glass of Cognac and Coke in his had during the flight. As he started sipping his drink, the Aquarian’s thoughts drifted back to the time when he had been in a hotel bar in Dallas where he had ordered Remy Martin VSOP and Coke and an English fellow next to him had looked at him and rather dryly said; “Excuse me Sir! I know, it is none of my business, but is this not going to ruining the Coca Cola?” The Aquarian had understood and they had laughed at his unusual drinking habits. Now the Aquarian was thinking; yes that is indeed what he was doing, he was ruining the Coca Cola. The Englishman had been right without knowing it even though he had meant it in another way. The Aquarian laughed to himself, but into his conscious came the though of how much he loved this drink, and drinking in general, and now this was apparently destroying his life.
How the heck would it be possible to get rid of this “love” for the alcohol which he felt within? What would the rest of his life without alcohol look like? This would be impossible; absolutely impossible. No more drinks. No more fun. No more relaxing with a drink. The Aquarian spent the rest of the flight thinking about the question; how will they ever make me free from drinking, but the only idea that came to his mind were the smiling faces of Capt Joe, the mechanic and Anura. Well, after all he could always go back to drinking if it did not work. No one would be able to stop him from drinking if he wanted to destroy his life.
Next to the Aquarian were sitting two pretty young Atlantizians who during the last part of the flight began engaging him in a conversation, but as the voice of the captain announced that the flight was leaving its cruising altitude at 35.000 feet for descend into Atlantiz one of the girls asked him for permission to take a picture of him and her girlfriend. As then the Aquarian felt the aircraft start its descend with the engines being brought to idle thrust the flash of the camera went of at the moment he put the empty glass away. Below he could see Dragon Island and later he would think; what a weird coincidence taking what might be his last drink at bout 34.000 feet above the spot where he had taken the first drink 34 years before.
As the Aquarian came through the formalities and out of the customs area into the arriving hall, he now, for the second time this day, experienced someone taking his suitcase out of his hands; this time a smiling stranger. It was the Amateur Angel that Captain Joe had talked about. During the drive, the Aquarian opened the conversation, which would be almost exclusively on his behalf; “You must be one of them?” he enquired of the stranger who was taken the trouble of getting him to the clinic. “Yep, I am one of them.” “How long have you not drunk?” was next. “I have been sober five years” was the reply. “Wow, no drinks for five years. Weird!” the Aquarian exclaimed. As they arrived at the clinic the Aquarian offered the “one of them driver” fifty dollars but the he would have none of it.
The Dismounting of the Pail-Colored Horse.After the registration process in the newly constructed clinic the Aquarian was given pajamas and a bathrobe and from his toilet kit the alcohol content shaving lotion was removed. When he had changed into the pajamas and bathrobe, his cloths and suit-case were taken into custody and he was given a single room in what was called the “delirium tremens ward.” All patients when admitted were initially in this ward until the doctors--who were all addicts’ them-selves--had established the condition of the patient. Experiences had shown that the information of the patients was giving were not reliable since the addicts in general tend to minimize their condition or they are not aware of their true state. He was then taken through the starting of the monitoring of his vital signs of life and urine and blood specimens were taken after which he was given an injection and told to go to sleep.
The Aquarian awoke shortly before noon the next day and was soon fully conscious of where he was, got up, put on his bathrobe and went out into the hallway. The other patients had already attended lectures during the morning and were filling the hallways waiting for lunch. Here the Aquarian was to begin a series of experiences which were altogether new and which he perceived as strange. The patient came to him one after the other and greeted him as though they had known him all their life, or as though he was someone returning to his family after being away for so long that he had been given up for dead. It would take him some time until he understood the reasons for the warmth in the greetings and the consequent change in his well being. Shortly before lunch there was a call for taking of the vital signs of the new patients, this was accompanied by distribution of medications and injections of vitamins to the newcomers. After the lunch the greeting continued and everyone seemed to know he was a new arrival. In the air there was something that he could not quite identify, and it would not be until months later that he would he realize that it was humility and compassion; something that he had not been conscious of as trade in humans for a long time; the warm feelings this gave him put him at ease. Soon he noticed that he did not feel hung-over and was told that the medication from the evening before was still active in him and he would be taking neuro-inhibitors in decreasing quantities until his condition was stable, which would be three days later. This medication was such that he never felt any physical withdrawal symptoms during his stay in the ward.
The Aquarian’s first day in the ward was, to put it mildly, an unusual experience. After lunch he attended his first lecture which was given by a doctor in psychiatry, Dr. Wolfshield, who was also addicted to alcohol and other neuro-inhibitors. The doctor was lecturing on the effects of the various alien neuro-inhibitory and neuro-excitatory compounds induced into the nerve system in humans and also about the natural production of neuro-transmitters, particularly the endorphins and dopamines, which he said were the chemicals that were produced in the alcoholic’s brains during the meetings of the Amateur Angels and was what made them capable of resisting alcohol. The doctor gave some brief explanations on how the addicts nerve-systems returned to the capacity of producing these endorphins, which he said would take place psychologically through “the meetings.” The Aquarian’s powers of concentration were at a minimum but he became immediately interested in what the doctor was saying and when he complained to the other patients that he had missed much of the lecture, they reassured him that since there were always new people arriving the lecture were repeated over and over again. “We addicts are hard on hearing to begin with when we come in here!” he was reminded.
After the lecture, the patients had a coffee brake and in the after noon the Aquarian had his first experience with group therapy. Here the patients were asked to tell of their lives and experience under the guidance of an addicted counselor who had been clean for a considerable time. The topics in the groups was varied but the special atmosphere of compassion prevailed but the patients were in different conditions and states of mind, in different states of emotional imbalance, and consequently differently extroverted or introverted. Most were reluctant to talk or did not know how to express themselves and the element of self-delusion or forms of lies, was rampant, though this was in most cases not deliberate. The amazing experience the Aquarian made right at the outset of these discussions was when he was reminded that he could not change anyone, not even himself and the change would have to come from within, from what was called “The Higher Power”. This was something he had always known, but never consciously understood and was for him the starting of getting behind the self-delusions and lies in his psyche; a process which would eventually render him capable of talking about himself and his life, with some measure of honesty.
After the group meeting came a rest period until dinner time, and in the evening he attended his first Amateur Angels meeting where addicts from outside of the clinic shared their experience. They had been clean and sober for a period of some length and could tell of their experience of a life without alcohol or other chemicals and there speeches were installing in him ideas of how to live his life, happy and content.
Before retiring to bed, the patients had a choice of attending a small chapel in the clinic for a short gathering of spiritual nature, then some sandwiches, coffee or tee was served and medications dispensed to the newcomers and everyone was in bed by midnight. The Aquarian felt quite good after the first day and quite a lot of tranquility had manifested in his brain. He slept well through the night, with relatively little effects of the medication sleep that had been plaguing him.
The next morning the Aquarian would attend lectures and this time he heard his first lecture on the progression of addictions in humans. This was referred to as Dr. M. Jellinek’s progression of alcoholism which ended in insanity and death, through convulsions or seizures, even having psychosis preceding the end. To the Aquarian this was a most interesting presentation and he immediately began to try to analyze his progression in the light of this information in which he could recognize many of his own trades. After lunch on the first day the Aquarian was moved into a room with an other patient, and now the same routine as in the afternoon the day before repeated it self and the Aquarian settled into the routine in the clinic.
It would then be on the third day that he would suddenly get the answer to the big question that had been bugging his consciousness during the flight to Atlantis; what do they do to one that makes one stop drinking? He suddenly realized that what was being done to him in the clinic was a conspiracy to get him into the ranks of the Amateur Angels, but this in turn would bring him to reading of the so called Blue Book of the Amateur Angels. There he started by reading the story of the fellow that had discovered the solution offered by the fellowship and he read the story with great interest and when he came to the last paragraph in it, he would be absolutely flabbergasted. This read; “Most of us feel we need look no further for Utopia. We have it with us right here and now”, but this had to be some come-on rubbish from these people. It made no sense. Here he was in a hospital for drunks after having ruined his health with alcohol and now they told him that the reward for this was Utopia; this had to be nuts. However, it would only be six month later that he was into the Amateur Angels in full realization that this Fellowship was a conspiracy to get him into “conscious contact with God” and that the only NUTS were alcoholics that were; Not Using The Steps.
On the fifth day the Aquarian was taken of the medication, and again he heard the lecture by Dr. Wolfshield which this time made him realize what had it so interesting. He was connecting it to the book by Carl Sagan that he had consumed and digested with such great interest the previous month; the book was THE DRAGONS OF EDEN. This book was about the human brain and the latest advancements in science towards understanding this most complicated and mysterious object in the Universe. The rest of the Aquarian’s time in the clinic was in the same routine, with the exception that on Sundays, a spiritual speaker meeting was added in the morning.
During the fourteen days in the detoxification clinic, the Aquarian would sit in groups where he would gain insights into the first three steps of the 12-step program of the Amateur Angels. Of these the First Step was the diagnosis of his condition, which was a twofold description dealing in the first part with the alcoholic’s recognition of the fact that he had become incapable of ever again controlling his use of alcohol. The second part of this First Step suggested that the alcoholic’s life had become unmanageable, which explained a lot to the Aquarian and made him realize that those actions in his life, which he had looked upon as “stupidity” on his own behalf, were “unmanageability” caused by his alcohol altered thinking processes and it was this unmanageability which started him drinking every time. What the Amateur Angels were saying was; No you are not necessarily stupid, your life is just unmanageable and there is something that you can about that. For this end your drinking must first be stopped and in order to prevent the unmanageability from starting the drinking again, the program provided the 11 remaining steps.
After the fourteen days in the clinic, the Aquarian began to sense a marked alteration in the state of his consciousness and he began to feel an elation of spirit and a glimmer of hope. On the 15th of September when he moved to the Rehabilitation home in the country, he made a call to his wife to find her complaining that his salary had not been paid. Perceiving in the conversation that her feelings for him were rather cool, but it did not upset him and he told here that would take care of that when he returned in a month’s time. It was not strange that she was upset.
The Rehabilitation Home.The rehabilitation home was situated at the foothills of the mountains of the inland plateau of Atlantiz, from which a panoramic view could be enjoyed of the flatland reaching from the mountains to the see where the archipelago of Dragon Islands could be seen. The Aquarian arrived at the 30 patient home at noon to begin the restructuring of his life, but here the program was slightly different and the patients wore normal clothing and spent part of their daily routine outdoors.
On the second day the Aquarian acquired a room mate who was in the rehab as a “refresher visitor,” but he would turn out to be of great assistance to the Aquarian. It was not just that he was of great curiosity to him but that he would learn things from him that later would cause him deep speculations and be instrumental in guiding him in his most critical hour. The visitor told him that he had been for therapy a year prior and that during his stay in the detox-clinic, he had suddenly gotten into what was called a “manic state.” This had manifested in his believe that he was Jesus Christ reborn, and it had become so real to him that he had started to place his hands on the other patients, telling them that he was curing them. He had then been sent to a psychiatric ward, but there he only been drugged and experienced no changes and his manic condition had run a full course for about eight months during which it resulting in a divorce and number of other difficulties, but after he had stopped taking neuro-inhibitory drugs and switched to Lithium salts, he had been able to recover from his delusions through the Amateur Angels and their program.
The question why some people would get such absurd ideas as being a reborn; Jesus Christ, Napoleon Bonaparte, Jim Morrison or other famous individuals, would be darting around in his consciousness. This happened as well in the Far East, where people would not want to be the Christ, but star believed they were the Fifth Buddha, or in the Middle East, where they would believe they were the Maddhi, of the reborn Prophet Mohamed of the Muslim prophesies. The puzzle to the Aquarian was why neurology had not come up with the final analysis of this phenomenon? There had to be a specific reason for this, since it was so frequent and always manifested in the same manner. It would then be 15 weeks later that the Aquarian--the brilliant solver of riddles that he was--had come to believe that he had either found the answer to that riddle, or that he had become another of these delusional people who became grandiosity insane, this since the insight would also give answers to all the remaining questions of Man.
The part of the rehabilitation lecturing that dealt with man seeking and enlisting an application of a concept of a “Higher Power” or “God”, in his life, did not achieve much footing in the consciousness of the Aquarian. He had no conception of a difference between a personal spiritual believe and organized religion. He was indifferent about the religions of Man and he had read much of Man’s philosophies and theologies, or reviews of these; they had only made pragmatic sense to him. After all, Christ had been crucified and Spinoza kicked out of his religion. He had even been in the lands and places where Man’s great religions had been founded and the condition of the societies in these countries did not suggest that religion was improving humanities rampant chaos and sufferings. The Aquarian could, however, agree with the Second Step’s suggestion that he had lost a part of his sanity and that alcohol had become his greatest weakness. All his qualities or abilities what ever these might be were really useless as long as he was under the power of the addiction and was a slave of his over-active instincts, through the removal of their natural inhibition by the alcohol.
The Aquarian would compromise on the “God” questions in regard to the Second Step with the words of his favorite thinker; Einstein, who had been asked if he believed in God and had replied; “I believe in the God of Spinoza!” The Aquarian decided to leave the question there for the time being. Faith would remain a dubious concept to him and it was still as Sigmund Freud had suggested; Man’s faith steamed from his fears and nervousness as a form of spiritual masturbation. The Carl G. Jung suggestion that; Man’s fears and nervousness came from his lack of correct spirituality, was yet to manifest as truth in his mind. This would, however, not be until he had become capable of seeing the alcohol as having become his God; a sort of a “Higher Power” that he used for changing his reality.
During the first two weeks the Aquarian spent much time on reading what was being referred to as; The Blue Book of the Amateur Angels. He had repeatedly heard that it contained all what he needed to know about alcoholism and the recovery from it and gradually began to form the impression that both the counselors and the literature was saying was that there was no way out of alcoholism, except through return to faith in God. He also got a copy of Carl Sagan’s THE DRAGONS OF EDEN and reread it with great interest; particularly the part about the split brain research. The lectures were teaching the addicts what their addiction had done to their families and he had a copy of the latest German weekly, DER SPIEGEL, which contained an article on hyperactive children. Both these writings were later to have a great significance in his future recovery and life in general, but they, along with the family lecture, lead him to write to his wife an prepare her for him later telling her about her co-dependency.
What it would take for the Aquarian to understand that the program of the Amateur Angels was not an ideology, but something that represented the basic program of the human brain. The two addicts in America that had founded the program, had not invented anything, they had simply rediscovered and re-presented something that had been there throughout Man’s evolution. For the Aquarian to become teachable he would first have to realize that in the condition his brain was in, he had an extraordinarily high ego-quotient and a low intelligence-quotient. His brain’s condition was that of someone who knew everything and understood nothing, of which worst of all was that he did not know the difference between knowing something and understanding it. This was however, gradually beginning to change as his consciousness became more and more oriented towards the forming of question, rather than demanding the answers which in fact were being repeated all around him. The big brakes and big discoveries came when he gradually made comprehension insights into things that he already knew, but much of this would be triggered by repetitions in the meetings of the Amateur Angels, where the basic truths were repeated over and over. The steps called for further work by him on his consciousness, which always lead back to what seemed to be the Aquarian’s great obstacle, the Third Step, but this would be conclusively resolved in a most unusual manner about sixty days after the completion of the therapy.
The Question of All Questions.Towards the last part of the Aquarian’s stay in the rehab, a most unusual question began to form in his consciousness, of which the main theme was; what biological mechanism in the brain gradually changes its character programming as Jellinek showed, when Man pollutes his brain with counterfeit neuro-transmitters? For the last two weeks in the rehab the Aquarian would play with the forming of questions and answers around this subject and new ideas were formed. A part of the Aquarian’s speculations, were some insights into how the Yogis were capable of gaining powers over the functions of their autonomic nerve-system and he set himself a goal to get some books to read on the Yoga-sciences.
During the last week of the Aquarian’s stay, the words of St. Paul would come to him; “For our gift of knowledge and of inspired messages are only partial; but when what is perfect comes, then what is partial will disappear... What we see now is like a dim image in a mirror; then we shall see face-to-face. What I know now is only partial; then it will be complete--as complete as God’s knowledge of me.” During this time he was over-heard declaring “I’ve got it!” and one of the counselors called him for a meeting suggesting a weeks extension of his stay and when the Aquarian enquired why, he was told that no one would simply “get it!”. The Aquarian laughingly explained that what he had “gotten!” was becoming conscious that he ‘knew nothing!’ and had been thinking about the admission of Socrates of not knowing/understanding as the basis for the acquisition of understanding. The counselor joined in his humorous insight and wished him well.
The six weeks that were now behind the Aquarian had only been the beginning of his learning and glimpses of what awaited him. He had however, made a crucial notices, which would eventually be instrumental in saving his life. This was the fact that in some cases, withdrawals from painkillers would sometimes appear between 90 and 110 days after the arresting of their consumption, but this would turn out to be the critical phase of the Aquarian’s recovery.
The general picture is however, that the still confused Aquarian is not quite into the conscious knowledge that much is yet to be done before his neurons and consciousness has cleared and that an even better condition than the one he is experiencing is attainable. This has to do with what Mabel Collins explains so clearly in her little transcript; LIGHT ON THE PATH, but the Aquarian has to go through a specific order of changes, which have to do with his; “Seeking in the heart the source of evil and expunge it.” This is in essence the “removal” of the “Super Ego” from the spatial hemisphere in his brain, but this alternate and unnatural ego has been created through 34 years of alcohol consumption. In spiritual terms, this is what is behind the spiritual concepts of the “Devil”, “Satan” or the “Dragon” having taken up residence in heaven, which is also found in an old anecdote claimed to have originated in the Middle East where the word “alcool” is said to have been originally a Semitic expression for “evil spirit”. The story maintains that wise men of ancient times had claimed that when alcohol entered man, an evil spirit entered into him with it. This evil spirit was then accompanied by seven other evil spirits; the spirits of the seven deadly sins. When the alcohol then left the man, these seven evil spirits stayed behind. They would then call for their master, the evil spirit of the alcohol, again and again, but in this was the spiritual explanation for the alcohol addiction. Thus it was–according to the wise men–that the only way to be rid of the evil spirit of the alcohol, was to drive out the seven sub-spirits of evil; the spirits of the seven deadly sins. They would thus not be calling for their master again and again. To this the wise men added that if this were successful, then it would become apparent that in the man lived the seven spirits of God. These were the spirits of the seven virtues of man. However, the story does not tell how the seven evil spirits were to be driven out since that solution is through the 12-Step Spiritual Program of the Amateur Angels.
This will--without the Aquarian being clearly conscious of it--be his prime objective in life during the coming weeks, as he returns to flying and meeting and work with the Amateur Angels, which in the Revelation are;
The Enormous Crowd.
Part One, Chapter Eight
(Book of Revelation Chapter 7.)
The Author's Meeting with the
Fellowship of the Amateur Angles.
“But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glumy like some righteous people I see?... Have you a sufficient substitute? Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Amateur Angels. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry... Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. You are going to meet these new friends in your own community... You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey... You will learn the full meaning of “Love thy neighbour as thyself.”
A Vision for You. The Big Book of the Amateur Angles.
Book of Revelation Chapter 7.
9) After this I looked, and there was an enormous crowd -- no one could count all the people! They were from every race, tribe, nation, and language, and they stood in front of the throne and of the Lamb, dressed in white robes and holding palm branches in their hands. 10) They called out in a loud voice: “Salvation comes from our God, who sits on the throne, and from the Lamb!” 11) All the angels stood around the throne, the elders, and the four living creatures. Then they threw themselves face downward in front of the throne and worshiped God, 12) saying, “Amen! Praise, glory, wisdom, thanksgiving, honor, power, and might belong to our God forever and ever! Amen!” 13) One of the elders asked me, “Who are these people dressed in white robes, and where do they come from?” 14) “I don’t know, sir. You do,” I answered. He said to me, “These are the people who have come safely through the terrible persecution. They have washed their robes and made them white with the blood of the Lamb. 15) That is why they stand before God’s throne and serve him day and night in his temple. He who sits on the throne will protect them with his presence. 16) Never again will they hunger or thirst; neither sun nor any scorching heat will burn them, 17) because the Lamb, who is in the center of the throne, will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of life¬giving water. And God will wipe away every tear from, their eyes.”
THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 7 : 9-17.This is where the Aquarian meets the Amateur Angels, but the poetic description of this fellowship in the prophesy is a most beautiful one. Without coming into contact and joining this fellowship there can be no dismounting of the Pale Colored Horse of Death. This part of the prophesy is particularly clear and easy to interpret. The whole poetry sings out a description of the Altruistic Fellowship of the Amateur Angels.
9) After this I looked, and there was an enormous crowd -- no one could count all the people! They were from every race, tribe, nation, and language, and they stood in front of the throne and of the Lamb, dressed in white robes and holding palm branches in their hands. During his detoxification the Aquarian is introduced to the fellowship “of the enormous crowd”, which are individuals who have become clean and sober, as portrayed by the “white robes”, and who have achieved the inner peace, denoted with the metaphor of “holding palm branches in their hands.”
10) They called out in a loud voice: “Salvation comes from our God, who sits on the throne, and from the Lamb! These people are teaching others that liberation form the addiction comes through the Jamais vu-spiritual faculty, portrayed by “God, who sits on the throne” and through the Desja vu-compassion faculty portrayed by “the Lamb.”
11) All the angels stood around the throne, the elders, and the four living creatures. Then they threw themselves face downward in front of the throne and worshiped God, 12) saying, “Amen! Praise, glory, wisdom, thanksgiving, honor, power, and might belong to our God forever and ever! Amen!” This is believed to be a metaphorical portrait of the twofold wave of consciousness in the brain's spatial hemispheric introns, interacting with the Jamais-vu faith faculty.
13) One of the elders asked me, “Who are these people dressed in white robes, and where do they come from?”
14) “I don’t know, sir. You do,” I answered. He said to me, “These are the people who have come safely through the terrible persecution. They have washed their robes and made them white with the blood of the Lamb. The people who have been through the “terrible persecution” are obviously the people of the fellowship of the Amateur Angels, who have been through the punishment of the end stage of the addiction Hell and have become clean and sober, portrayed by the “washing of the robes and making them white” through “blood of the Lamb” which is the biofeedback neuro-transmitters produced by the thoughts of compassion.
15) That is why they stand before God’s throne and serve him day and night in his temple. He who sits on the throne will protect them with his presence. These people, the Amateur Angels, are keeping themselves sober through the spiritual endorphins produced by a constant conscious contact with their Higher Power, or God, through the Jamais-vu faith faculty.
16) Never again will they hunger or thirst; neither sun nor any scorching heat will burn them, 17) because the Lamb, who is in the center of the throne, will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of life-giving water. And God will wipe away every tear from, their eyes.” They are keeping themselves in emotional stability through the constant exercise of compassion through their helping of other addicts. This takes place through the compassion dopamines produced by the Desja vu-compassion faculty portrayed by “the Lamb at the center of the throne” in conjunction with the Jamais-vu faith faculty producing the endorphins which protects their consciousness from all sorrow and depression.
END OF THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 7 : 9-17.
The Aquarian meets the Amateur Angels.
The Aquarian’s return to the Matrix.The Aquarian is now going back out into the world, where he is no longer in a protected environment where he will live without alcohol, painkillers or other mind-altering drugs. He will now returning to work, rebuild the ties with his family, continuing his studies of the human brain and attending meetings of the 2.500.000 strong fellowship of the Amateur Angels. The world now seems friendly again and he finds it easy to deal with his affairs since he is now on what is sometimes referred to as the “pink cloud,” during which he now begins to believe that he is going to be feeling this way for the rest of his life; all he has to do is to go to the meetings of the Amateur Angels. He is beginning to believe that he is already into the “Utopia” that he read about in the Blue Book. However, as the Aquarian attends more meetings of the Amateur Angels, he gradually becoming conscious that he is faced with the dilemma of the fellowships 12-Step clean-up work. In this he realizes that he himself can’t produce the removal of the character defects in his brain and neither can any other human do this for him and he is going to have to seek the help of the controversial and most mysterious force known to Man; the force called God. He now knows that the Amateur Angels have the spiritual guidance for completing this process using the concepts of the God or Higher Power, but this is the core of his dilemma since he is having problems with these concepts. However, oddly enough, here it will be science—which had turned him into a skeptic—that now comes to his aid and re-starts his spiritual inclinations.
Narration by “Morgan le Fay.”
We shall now for the rest of Part One follow the Aquarian’s diary for a detailed account of this critical period in the life of the man who eventually will discover that he is the frightful Mr. 666 in the 13th chapter of the Book of Revelation.
Thursday October 11th 1984.The Aquarian left the rehabilitation home feeling as if walking on ice whose thickness he did not know. In the evening he went for dinner with his brother’s family to whom he told why he had he gone for the therapy; his problems with osteoporosis, painkillers and alcohol, placing emphasis on the mystery of being determined to stop drinking and then drinking without it being intended. It seemed to him that no one could know whether he could stop drinking unless he put himself through the test of trying to stop. His brother then asked about the therapy and the Aquarian complied, but when he had talked for about twenty minutes, the brother got nervous and exclaimed “Can’t you talk about anything else?” The Aquarian could sense that the whole subject was some kind of an embarrassment to him and left for his first meeting of the Amateur Angels, “outside” of rehab.
Friday October 12th.In the afternoon the next day the Aquarian went for a routine medical check with the Chief Aviation Medical Inspector in Atlantiz, Dr. Wolfsan, where he reported on his abuse of alcohol and medication to receive a First Class medical. Afterwards he ran into a colleague from CARGOLUX who told him the latest gossip. This included the news of the Bad Boy Pilot, who had been drinking in hiding and had then gone through fit of convulsions and delirium at the controls of a 747 while in flight and had to be dragged out of his seat. This time the incident could not be condoned and the Bad Boy Pilot was sent back to Atlantiz for a medical evaluation where his license was withdrawn. He then returned to Luxembourg to ask for the contracted license insurance and disability pension of 75% salary at which this the management got furious and complained that; “These pilots drink their brains out and then we have to reward them.” The management’s sentiments of disgust were running high and it refused to pay the Bad Boy Pilot who went to see the Pilots Association lawyer who told the management it would have to pay. The management then paid the license insurance but a while later the disability pension was cancelled as it was discovered that the Bad Boy Pilot was working full time in the Aviation Administration in Atlantiz. Later the Aquarian would reap the benefits form these developments through the consequent altered attitude of the management.
Saturday October 13th. The Return to the City of Light.Early next morning the Aquarian flew to the City of Luxembourg and reported back to work where his salary had still not been paid. He had strong longing to see his family and though he could not afford it, he flew commercially to Frankfurt, where his wife greeted him warmer than he had expected. Archy and the girls were very excited to have him back and it felt good to be home sober and with clear thoughts. The Aquarian and his wife talked late into the night about the times they had been apart and the problems that were facing them. She told him that she had been to meetings of Ala-angels--the family part of the Amateur Angels--but that his wife was willing to start to look at her own subconscious, was indeed a cause for joy.
Sunday October 14th.During his stay it would gradually became apparent to him that the letters he had written to his wife from rehab had helped her to understand the situation. She no longer thought that he had been in a nuthouse or a psychiatric hospital. The Aquarian knew there was going to be some more constructive talking between him and his wife in the coming days and that he would have to work on his attitude in their relations for a long time.
Monday October 15th.The first meeting of the Aquarian with the German Amateur Angels turned out to be different to what he had experienced in Atlantiz. It would be an hour and half meetings and some of the people talked more than once. The subject of the meetings was, however, the same; the collective problem of and solution to alcoholism. Returning home he had a long discussion with his wife about the subject of his sobriety making special effort to explain that he could never again drink as much as one drink. It would, start him drinking in just the same manner as he had been drinking before.
Tuesday October 16th.The next day afternoon, the Aquarian took a train to Luxembourg where he arrived in the evening and went straight to a meeting of the group of Atlantizian Amateur Angels in the City of Luxembourg. It was a surprise for him to see how many individuals, were there, who he had never suspected, were having problems with addictions.
Wednesday October 17th. The Battle of the Salary.The next morning the Aquarian braved his confrontation with the companies personal manager; the subject was the unpaid salary. On his way to the company headquarters he noticed that there was no anxiety feeling in his guts, nor was there any anger in his mind. He would simply deal with this the best he could and leave the rest to his ‘Higher Power.’ The Aquarian was already aware that the tactics of Mr. Wrecker towards the foreign workers was to tell them that this or that was the law of the land. The foreigners would take his presentations at face value since he was a local.
As the Aquarian got time with Mr. Wreaker, he inquired as to why his salary had not been paid, Mr. Wreaker countered by telling him that the company did not recognize alcoholism as a sickness and therefore not pay salaries during such therapies. The astonished Aquarian responded by; “What about the brochures you sent out? Was it a joke where it was stated in the brochures that addictions were recognized as a sickness? To his own surprise, the Aquarian found himself looking the personnel manager straight in the eyes and calmly continuing; “Mr. Wreaker, I know that such therapies are recognized by the states health insurance, if their necessity is confirmed by a medical authority. This confirmation has been given by Dr. Eseangler and it was based on my osteoporosis condition.” To this Mr. Wreaker, looking down on the table in front of him, replied; “The pilots and other employees that have gone for such therapies before you have all signed releases of their claims to salaries and therefore we put you on a leave without pay.” He looked up at the Aquarian who knew that the Pilot’s Union would not be helping him in this matter; he would have to settle it himself. “Yes, Mr. Wreaker, I have been told about this and I personally question the right you have in taking advantage of the employee’s guilt when they are sick; this through depriving them of their salaries. Addictions are sicknesses just like any other, and it says so in the brochure you yourself, on behalf of the company, sent out on the 6th of August. Your attitude is not going to help those pilots who still need to make a decision to go for therapy if it means they are to be depraved of their salaries. I am not going to argue with you Mr. Wreaker; I simply do not know enough about the legal aspects of the matter and intend to test this and am therefore going down town to see my lawyer, Dr. Gaseous Bird. Perhaps he will be coming here to discuss this with you; I do not have enough knowledge of this matter.” The Aquarian got up to leave when Wreaker indicated that he should sit down again and said; “Well now, Mr. Aquarius, we don’t have to do that, I can make an exception in your case this once.” The Aquarian got up, thanked the personal manger by shaking his hand and left as he told him, “There will be no next time Mr. Wreaker.” After the Aquarian left he became positively aware that this had been a lose-of-face for Mr. Wreaker which he hoped would not develop into a grudge against him, but which, as he feared, would later manifest as such.
The First Twelfth Step Visit.In the afternoon, Sherman, the mechanic, called the Aquarian explaining to him that Captain Victors had been found by one of his neighbors--an Amateur Angel--walking around in the fields in the vicinity of his house, wearing just a shirt, dirty under shorts and sandals; and had been waving his hands and talking incoherently to no one. She suspected him of being in a state of beginning delirium tremens. This was a mild shock for the Aquarian who was scheduled to go through the simulator with him in two days and to fly with him to Miami on the 20th. The captain, an Atlantizian, the companies first Chief Pilot, had been forced to resign as such in 1982, when he had been ordered to go for therapy by the operations manager and when he declined, had been grounded and put to work in the hangar sorting screws. He then agreed to go for therapy from which he returned after ten days telling the management that the doctors had discovered that he was not an alcoholic. He had by now become famous for shaking like a vibrator every time he had to stop his drinking for the flights and the Aquarian could remember several critical incidents flying with Captain Victors, even one which he almost had taken them to their death in an approach into Gander.
The Aquarian went with Sherman to see the captain who told them that he was not interested in hearing Sherman’s story of how it was possible to live without alcohol. Captain Victors did not have any such problems and the Aquarian would learn the futility of talking to alcoholics that were not asking for help. The professional end would come to this pilot one year later in an incident which came close to costing the lives of 320 humans.
Thursday October 18th. The First Anxiety Attack.At midday the Aquarian flew to his family in Frankfurt at the company’s expense, as he was going for an annual 747 simulator with Lufthansa the next day. During the flight he noticed that he was, without an apparent cause, experiencing mysterious anxiety accompanied by “rocks and the bugs” feeling in his guts. He soon recognized this as a feeling he had often experienced and for which he had used alcohol for quelling but on arrival his wife picked him up and on seeing here the anxiety feeling disappeared. He had now managed to get her interested in what he was into; working on changing his personality. She liked to hear that her misery was all due to his drinking, but did not like to hear the “God rubbish” as she called it. In the evening he went to yet another group of the German Amateur Angels and when he returned, he noted that his wife had a tone of resentment regarding his meeting attendance every evening.
Friday October 19th.In the afternoon the next day, the Aquarian reported for the 747 simulator at the Lufthansa basis where he met with Captain Victors and an engineer who were to form the crew that was to be checked. The captain, who was in his vibration face, made several conspicuous blunders, but these were not taken seriously by the check-captain as he had been check-out as a captain by Captain Victors and he and the engineer instructor were Captain Victors drinking buddies. The Aquarian realized better than ever how the addictions were ignored in aviation, simply because those who had not learned about them were not capable of understanding their mechanism and the industry unwittingly sustained this by denying its existence. Even medical professionals who watched over this, did not have insight into how the addictions functioned.
Saturday October 20th.The next day, the Aquarian flew to the City of Luxembourg at midday; his flight was to leave at in the early evening. Captain Victors arrived during the last minutes of the flight briefing, his shakes seemed to have diminished somewhat. The flight went without a hitch with Captain Victors flying the first leg, the Aquarian the second. They had what the pilots called, a smooth ride, both on the ocean and along the eastern seaboard of the United States.
Sunday October 21st.The flight arrived in Miami at midnight Miami time, and the crew got a rent-a-car and drove to the Sheraton Yankee Clipper hotel on Seabreeze Boulevard in Fort Lauderdale. There the Aquarian got a room 18th floor accommodation in the Tower Annex with a grand view over the Fort Lauderdale beach, looking north. He switched on the TV and set it to PBS and then went for a shower and a short while later as he was drying, he noticed that on the TV the talk was about the human brain and he found himself sitting with the shower towel around himself in front of the TV, staring with his mouth open not moving until the part had come to its end. At the end of the presentation the Aquarian noted that this was one of a eight part television series which had been put together by PBS and the Fence television, TV-2. The author of the program was one Dr. Richard M. Restak, who had just published a book on the subject whose name the Aquarian quickly wrote down; this was one book he was going to get.
Monday October 22nd.The awaking the next morning was with a marvelous feeling of being fully rested and after an early breakfast he walked and jogged the way north along the coast to the Galleria on Sunrise Boulevard. There he found a bookstall where her bought the books he wanted by Dr. Richard M. Restak, THE BRAIN, THE FINAL FRONTIER and THE BRAIN that went with the TV series. On returning to the hotel he immersed himself in the contents of the books until in the late afternoon when he took--what had by now become a routine--his forty five minute nap. When he awoke he called the Amateur Angels, and in the early evening he found him self in his first American meeting. It was indeed most interesting to be at such a meeting in the country where it had all began 52 years ago. The group was called “Gateway,” just of Sunrise Boulevard, which was indeed fitting; without his knowing of it, his meetings there would turn out to be a gateway into the sunrise of the spirit for him. During the meeting the Aquarian kept hearing people remark; “turning it over” and then he heard someone say; “Learn to turn your life over to the care of God, and to live in the solution, then the solution will grow. It you live in the problem, only the problem will grow.” The Aquarian soon noticed that the Americans were making more references to God than was the case in Atlantiz, Germany or the City of Luxembourg; but amazingly they seemed not to be embarrassed about this.
Beginning of the “Searcheth and Thou shall Find” Process.
In the beginning of the meeting the secretary asked visitors to identify themselves and the Aquarian introduced himself as a newcomer from Luxembourg and Atlantiz, but this in turn would prompt Phil, an old-timer, to sit down with him in the coffee lounge after the meeting. Phil told him briefly his story of becoming an alcoholic during his war years in the Pacific and then his wife divorcing him when he returned, taking their daughter with her to Boston. He had then gone to the Amateur Angels to become initially sober for nine years. When he then flew to Boston to see his daughter, he came out of the airplane drunk. When Phil then saw the shock-expression in the Aquarian’s face he smilingly told him “this was thirty years ago and I have been sober since”. Phil then proceeded to tell the Aquarian that he had found out that it was of advantage for the newcomer to start employing the 11-Step in the form of chanting during the step work. Meditation was too difficult for the newcomer before achieving spiritual awakening, but by using a Japanese Buddhist mantra, or any other mantra, the newcomer might enhance his step work. The Aquarian would later consider this to have been his main help in his step work and in overcoming his aversions against faith through prayer and meditation.
As the Aquarian now returned to his hotel room in the late evening and was sitting enjoying the view along the Fort Lauderdale canals and beach a sudden insight came into his consciousness. In the 1979 and 1984 books by Restak he had bought and had been reviewing earlier, he had again found information on the famous 1981 Nobel Prize winning split brain research by Roger Sperry, which had been so interesting to him in the book by Carl Sagan he had read just before going into therapy. In both cases--when he had read that only the brain’s matter hemisphere was being endowed with mathematical abilities-- had he been having a strong sensation of anticipation of something important and exciting without having any idea of what it might be. There was no doubt some connection there which he was not making. As he sat in there in the tranquility of the late evening and starred at the simplistic graphics depicting Sperry’s findings, he was filled with a most unusual sensation of well being and contentment, as if he had successfully carried out some all important tasks in the service of his sobriety. What a ridiculous sentiment, he had not done anything special except going to the Amateur Angel’s meeting. Was this what they were talking about when they said that things were going to get better by the day; in what kind of euphoria would it end? Little did the Aquarian know that he was now at the threshold of entering into a unique “Searcheth and Thou shall Find” experience that would transform his existence beyond the wildest imagination of anyone. Unknown to him, this process was now beginning with his reading of Dr. Restak’s brain books.
Tuesday October 23rd.The next day the Aquarian spent the same way, reading, sunbathing, reading, swimming and now adding chanting in the morning, afternoon and before going to sleep. While reading on the beach he had his first conscious synchronicity, but his attention to detail had been enchanted through the therapy and now he noticed what was written on the T-shirt worn by a young man jogging past him. On his front was written; “1, 2, 3 - Give it up, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 - Clean it up, 10, 11, 12 - Live it up.” This seemed familiar to him, but when he saw the young man’s back he could see the symbolic emblem of the Amateur Angels with the caption, “Alcoholic Victory.” He now recognized the 12-step program of the Amateur Angels, but this division would be of great help to him in his effort at understanding the Steps. However, he still failed to see this as guidance from his Higher Power reminding him that he should start working the Steps.
Thus the Aquarian did not realize that he had to continue his 12-Step work and continued gobbling up Dr. Restak’s brain books in between his bathing and baking, but never the less made his first 11-Step chanting experiment in the early afternoon after which he again found himself at the Gateway group’s meeting. Some even talked of being sober by “The Grace of God”, which seemed irrational and gave him a feeling of aversion. He would later realize that everything that he heard in the meetings and had an aversion against, would turn out to be precisely that which he needed the most and would help him the best.
Wednesday October 24th.After breakfast the Aquarian called the flight engineer and asked him whether he or the captain were using the rent-a-car. “I have done all my errands and won’t be using it any more accept maybe going out in the evening to restaurants; the captain will certainly not be using it, he is plastered.” The Aquarian took the car and went to a mid morning meeting at Gateway and a couple of hours later he walked into the home of a family of distant relatives who lived in Pompano Beach. The husband was a retired EXON tanker skipper whose wife was from Dragon Island and the Aquarian had frequently spent his time with them on his week long layovers as it was a hard drinking family that fitted him at the time. Now the Aquarian, who had not visited the family for an unusually long time, told them that he was not drinking anymore and the outlines of his experience of the past months. The audience was all surprises though the case of his osteoporosis was know to them, but oddly enough, three years later the two children would become Amateur Angels.
In the late afternoon the Aquarian left the family and made his way back to Sunrise Boulevard. There was a meeting at Gateway in the early evening and he made it and he again talked about himself, and this time of feeling like walking on ice which he did not know the thickness of. Would it crack and he all over sudden walk into a bar and start drinking? He told the meeting that he was expecting some withdrawals from the painkillers and asked about experience of others regarding this. The speaker told him that when this happened, he would have to turn the loads he carried over to God an through this become lighter and not fall through the ice. During the meeting, he heard the Amateur Angels talk about how they made decisions and he came to realize how in his personal affairs, he had been acting on matters in many cases without much thinking before he made his decisions.
Thursday October 25th.Again the Aquarian slept like a log. After an early breakfast, the old EXON skipper came and picked him up and they drew north the coast to Palm Springs. The captain was always fun company and the Aquarian enjoyed the drive with him. The captain frequently bragged “I am the best looking dirty old man in the United States” and the looks part of the declaration seemed to fit with his constant net dressing, charming looks and personality that was topped of by a snow white well trimmed hair. On the completion of his business the captain drew him back to the hotel from which he got to a meeting and then returned to his reading about what Man knew about the human brain, but by now he was beginning to become conscious of what Man did not know about his brain.
Friday October 26th.He awoke early the next day and after going through his routine of chanting, reading, swimming and sunbathing he again visited the family in Pompano in the early afternoon. During the visit the Aquarian discovered that he was beginning to become disturbed by being around those he loved when they were drinking. He cut his visit short in the late afternoon and returned to the hotel where he chanted and napped, then, in the early evening, he was aging in Gateway where a Halloween Party followed the meeting. He now experienced for the first time people having fun without the use of alcohol and it turned out to be reassuring that this was possible.
Again, Phil, the old-timer, sat down with him but by now had become wise to the opportunity which presented itself in being in the company of a highly experienced old-timer with decades of sobriety. The Aquarian wasted no time presenting a question regarding the anxiety attack that he had experienced that had been darting around his consciousness the week before. Phil, who obviously enjoyed being asked for information, listened with attention to him and came back with a comment which would rather surprise the Aquarian. He began by telling him that he was a good man and a smart newcomer, since he was telling other alcoholics about himself and asking for advice; this was very important. The surprise was in the suggestion that what the Aquarian was describing might mean that he was heeding for a “drunk”. As the veteran spoke in calm and kind tone of voice, void of any hint of accusation, he pointed out to the Aquarian that he had so far not gotten himself a sponsor and was not working the steps. This was the equivalent of a soldier in war surrendering with one arm above his head, which meant that he would be shot. He, the Aquarian, had only gotten into the fellowship of the Amateur Angels, with one foot, not both. As the Aquarian tried to excuse him self with the two year Step work advice from therapy, Phil laughingly asked him; “Has John Barleycorn agreed to this?” and the Aquarian caught on. He would later realize that this was the moment he recognized that he had to get a sponsor and work the steps.
Saturday October 27th.The Aquarian now enjoyed Saturday reading the books that interested him more and more, sometimes in bead and some of the time soaking in the sun. During the middle of the day he took a break for his meditation 12-Step chanting experiments and short naps. His awareness of himself was growing and so was his sense of his existence within and it all made him feel full of enthusiasm for life.
Sunday October 28th.In the early morning hours of Sunday the Aquarian and his colleagues continued their flight through Houston to New York. In New York the crew had completed its duty and dead-headed back to Luxembourg with the same aircraft, where they arrived in the first hour of the 29th. The Aquarian went straight to bed in his studio in the village of the Shakes where his last conscious thoughts were of how easy the round trip from Miami back to Europe had been and so would his asleep now be.
Monday October 29th. The Second Anxiety-Warning.After a good rest the Aquarian was on the country byways to his family in Frankfurt. He did not like to go on the autobahn; it was less stressful on the country roads. When he was about half way to his home, he suddenly felt for the second time after his therapy, the return of the old anxiety feeling in his guts. Yes, this was the old feeling that had been with him ever since he and his wife had almost divorced some 11 year before; the traumatic experience had been written in the genes in his subconscious. What ever the case was, the Aquarian was not going to use alcohol as remedy. He remembered hearing talks about this by the Amateur Angels in Atlantiz who called it the; “Booze Anxiety Knot,” and to the Aquarian’s surprise he now discovered that all he had to do was to think about his wife with the other man and the anxiety sensation in his guts would worsen. He could indeed feel the increase of adrenalin in his abdomen. This was weird indeed, but he had never noticed the connection before and he thought about the first five year after the trouble in the marriage. It had been like that, day in, day out, and he had drunk for it at all opportunities. As the Aquarian continued thinking about the experience he realized that he was in all probability beginning to experience emotional swings again, it would be high time he carried out the Step-work as thousands of recovered alcoholics had done.
Tuesday October 30th.The Aquarian enjoyed the first of two days with his family in his new rhythm of life and he now began the continuation of the reading of the Amateur Angles Blue Book and the 12 and 12 guide to the step-work.
In the Aquarian’s consciousness, he had already completed the first three Steps, “The Surrender Steps”, while he was in the therapy, but these dealt primarily with acceptance of being an alcoholic and that the solution was in Man’s conception of God. He had not been fully conscious of the fact that he was no accepting, without reservation, that it was “God as he understood Him,” which was going to give the reprieve from the addiction. This concept had thus been an obstacle in his continuation of the step work, but by now he had seen TV-programs on the question and experiments of the human brain’s faith faculty, which he understood to be the spatial hemispheric mysterious Jamais vu and Désjà vu areas. He had then been reading about these in literature of the brain, where he found suggestion that these areas might be the brain’s primary neuro-inhibitory brain transmitter production centers, which had to do with his artificial neuro-inhibitor addiction. These insights--though vaguely understood—had now somehow enhanced his view of the 12-Step Program; it had become a hardcore scientific program, rather than just a mystical spiritual one.
This view--along with the Amateur Angels explanation that religion and spirituality were two different things--had now clarified his attitude towards the idea that God was the only solution. He had--without being fully conscious of it—finally become ready to surrender his will to the God-reality in his brain. He had finally come to accept the 3rd step and become capable of continuing his step work through “The Clean-up Steps” and now the question of a sponsor began to pop up in his consciousness.
Wednesday October 31st. The Continuation of the Steps.In the evening of the second day at home the Aquarian went to a meeting of the International Group of the Amateur Angels for the first time but the group contained a great umber of American Service men and women “old-timers” sober for decades and living in Germany for decades. These meetings were with the same format as the ones in the US and rich in lifesaving teachings, but now as he returned home the Aquarian noticed that Anura had been coming a lot to his mind. He somehow had the notion that she had been through a similar experience in hear marriage as he had been through in his. The Aquarian now called her and put the question to her and she agreed to take him on as her “sponsy” and much to his surprise, he noted some sort of a sensation of relief after the call. He now continued his reading of the Blue Book and the 12 and 12 guide to the 12-Step-work and what now began to become mildly amazingly to him was that the contents of the book which he was now reading for the second time, seemed to have changed. This was particularly true for the Fourth Chapter of the Blue Book titled “WE AGNOSTICS”, which dealt in depth with spirituality and the God-concept of modern Man, as well as his skepticism. He now found himself full of enthusiasm for the step-work and he his spirits soared.
What was now becoming a cherished habit for the Aquarian was the division of the day into two parts with an hour of 12-step chanting and meditative relaxation, followed by a short nap. This practice was unquestionably yielding results. He sensed that this was doing him a world of good with its sudden onset of sounds and sensations of activity in his digestive tracks that were accompanied by pleasant feelings in the guts.
Next subject, and at the same time our last narration in this part, is one of histories oldest and most speculated of riddles. This is the Seventh Step, which happens to be one of the worlds most renowned of mysteries in the Book of Revelation, but of this is the interpretation of the mystery of;
The Rupture of the Seventh Seal.
Part One, Chapter Nine
(Book of Revelation Chapter 8.)
The Rupture of the
The Authors Successfull
Seventh Step Commitment and the
Opening of his Brain´s Faith Faculty.
“With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves. Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it “God-consciousness.”
From “Appendices II.” The Big Book of the Amateur Angels.
Book of Revelation Chapter 8.
1) When the Lamb broke open the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour. 2) Then I saw the seven angels who stand before God, and they were given seven trumpets. 3) Another angel, who had a gold incense container, came and stood at the altar. He was given a lot of incense to add to the prayers of all God’s people and to offer it on the gold altar that stands before the throne. 4) The smoke of the burning incense went up with the prayers of God’s people from the hands of the angel standing before God. 5) Then the angel took the incense container, filled it with fire from the altar, and threw it on the earth. There were rumblings and peals of thunder, Flashes of lightning, and an earthquake.
THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 8 : 1-5.Here the prophesy returns to the seals as the Aquarian breaks the seventh and last seal which of the two most important events in the Aquarian’s prophesy events, is the former one and the one that initiates the enlightenment process. This is manifested in his gaining of a sudden and strong beginning of a spiritual awakening, during prayers and chanting meditation lying horizontal on a bed. In this he is following for the first time the guidelines of “The Seventh Step” of the “12-Step Spiritual Program” of the Amateur Angels. This is neurologically believed to take place through the sudden initiation of “biofeedback reawakening” of the neurons (dead under the altar) in his Jamais vu center, giving him the all-important spiritual experience.
1) When the Lamb broke open the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour. By chanting mantras he succeeds in calming the spatial hemisphere completely, then his wave of consciousness becomes whole and slows down to a "theta state" sleep for about a half an hour. During this process the spatial hemispheric Jamais vu center is activated and a quantum biofeedback from the intron DNA-nucleotides in the brain’s spatial hemisphere to the material hemisphere is initiated.
2) Then I saw the seven angels who stand before God, and they were given seven trumpets. The is the beginning of the clenching process of spatial hemispheric intron Jamais vu center which regulates the seven homeotic genes, or in the Yogi science, the seven body chakras, but this is initiated by the 8th master regulatory gene in the brain's Jamais vu centers.
3) Another angel, who had a gold incense container, came and stood at the altar. He was given a lot of incense to add to the prayers of all God’s people and to offer it on the gold altar that stands before the throne.
4) The smoke of the burning incense went up with the prayers of God’s people from the hands of the angel standing before God. This initiation takes place through a huge amount of neuro-transmitters of the endorphin family through the action of the 7th master regulatory gene during the half-hour of the brain waves theta-phase state.
5) Then the angel took the incense container, filled it with fire from the altar, and threw it on the earth. There were rumblings and peals of thunder, Flashes of lightning, and an earthquake.
The endorphin neuro-transmitters (the incense container) are of a kind that makes the implicate side of the wave of consciousness interact with the brain’s exon programs (earth) in such a manner that the exon and intron realities become collectively extended into the V-poles of the surrounding vacuum of space. The state of consciousness that results is known as an “Out Of Body Experience (OOBE)” and it is accompanied by vibrations (earthquake) centered in the spine and extending throughout the body.
As the Out Of Body Experience begins the Aquarian awakens finding his consciousness situated in a spatial “virtual-body” above the bed, close to the sealing, but since this is totally new to him it initially produces a shocks that returns his consciousness into his physical body and the sitting up on the edge of the bed, thinking; “what was that?”. The Aquarian, however, finds that he has a strong feeling of well being in his body and spirit, which in turn keeps him calm. Unknown to him the consequences of this experience will now produces rapid recovery from the chemical addictions. The further evolution of this is the beginning of profound corrective alteration in his character and his psychological make-up, as well as his spiritual condition marked by increase in intelligence and insights, through the DNA's “cleared homeotic gene's programming, or chakras”.
END OF THE QF-INTERPRETAION OF CHAPTER 8 : 1-5.
Reawakening of the Aquarian Brain’s Jamais vu
Faith Centers through a Spiritual Experience.
The Rupture of the Seventh Seal.It is with great pride that, I, Merlin, now recount the initiation of the events in the Aquarian’s life, which enter into that which up until now has been in humanity variably known as a; mystical events, metaphysical events, magical events, spiritual events, miraculous events and the alike. The nature and effect of the phenomenon involved is such that without it taking place, this story would not have manifested; the Aquarian would not have lived. Yet, this is a phenomenon about which the scientist, as well as the layman, are equally ignorant and in most cases dismiss as hallucinations, as they cannot distinguish between a healthy such process and a pathological one. No one knows what the mechanism in these perceptions is, other than that most of them represent a malfunctioning nerve-system.
Narration by “Merlin the Wizard.”
That a healthy version of this process may represent a self-administered healing processes, by the central nervous system, in which the individual may acquire an expanded and altered state of consciousness, is only beginning to be realized by the science and pseudo-science community. History has numerous accounts of individuals who have gone through a healthy version of this process and become major intellectual and creative geniuses, but many of them have been regarded as eccentrics as they tend to think different from the rest of us. A small number of these individuals acquire insights into future events, which are even less understood, but for many their ideas may appear as the raving of psychotic manic-depressive, as has been the case with the Biblical Book of Revelation prophesy.
In other words, we are now finally coming around to the parts that make this rather trivial and tedious account, somewhat different, of somewhat increased interest. The Aquarian, who is a “child of the age of technology,” is not much into the business of such phenomena, but he has an advantage and this is an open mind. He has now become remarkably free of prejudice and this must indeed be so, or the likelihood of the events in this story taking place would be extremely remote.
As we now join the Aquarian and accompany him while he is un-wittingly breaking the Seventh Seal, he is now regularly using chanting-meditation techniques and beginning his reading of the age old sciences of the yogi’s and is combining them with the neurological insights from his other study material. For the most part, the Aquarian is ignorant of the fact that he is now at the threshold of an evolution that will eventually transient his consciousness to higher realities and make him, what ordinary peoples sometimes call a psychic. However, before this can happen, he must go through an initial awakening of his brain’s spirituality-faith-creativity-centers in the spatial hemispheres.
Thursday November 01st 1984. The Mysterious Spirals.The Aquarian noted with some satisfaction that it were now two months since he had taken a drink, this had not happened since his days in Saudi Arabia. What was more, he had never, not for a second, noted any desire to drink, and the brief emotional upset he had experienced, had not been in the form of a desire to drink. This was all working quite nicely and he felt quite content about his progression and was determined that he would continue his work on the strange suggestions the Amateur Angels were making in the form of their Steps.
He had been two days at home with his family and in the afternoon he now found himself back on the road to the City of Luxembourg, this time he was doing the Far East round. Aging he used mainly the country roads and avoided the autobahn. It would be during this drive that he for the first time became conscious of a strange and strong sensation in his right ear. The sensation lasted about 30 to 40 seconds each time and felt like there was something spiraling into his right ear. At first he though this might be a fly but that was not the case, this was most peculiar he thought.
From now on this strange sensation, in his right ear, about which he possesses no knowledge or understanding, is going to reappear at random intervals throughout the next three and half years. That he is, figuratively speaking, being “force fed” from the “Holy Grail,” he has no idea. At this time he has not even heard the words “Prana” or “Chi”, or “Élan Vital” or anything concerning the meaning of these words; neither has he any insight into what the Biblical term “The Hidden Manna” means. Even less does he know about the connection of these concepts to the relatively recently discovered neuro-inhibitors “the endorphins,” which he has been hearing and reading about, or have any ideas about any connection to what is know as “Virtual Energies” of “The Vacuum Quantum Potential” in Experimental Quantum Physics, even though he poses some knowledge of these concepts.
As the Aquarian now continues his drive along the banks of Mosel River, the sensations continued coming at irregular intervals and he begins to think of them as the spirals. They would be felt by him several times during the drive, and would from then on be experienced at short intervals for different periods and on daily basis for the next 100 days, after which he would perceive them anywhere on the head and the body continuing altogether for 42 months. It was to be some time until the Aquarian knew what these spirals were.
The flight departed in the late evening and to the Aquarian’s joy, the flight engineer fort the trip was an experienced Amateur Angel.
Friday November 02nd.They arrived in Dubai in the early morning hours and had 15 hours crew-rest which was mostly spent on sleeping after which and the flight continued to Singapore departing in the early evening. At several different times during the flight and the crew-rest, the Aquarian noted the mysterious spiraling sensation in his right ear. He now began experimenting to find out whether he could have any influence on this sensation or had any powers over it, soon discovering that he had none and that its appearance and duration was completely at random.
Saturday November 03rd.Six hours and fifty minutes after departing Dubai, the Aquarian sat the 264 ton 747 softly down on the runway at Changi, Singapore. It was in the early morning hours and after an hour on the ground they continued to Taipei where they boarded an Air Taiwan bound for Hong Kong and their Sheraton hotel in Kowloon. The Aquarian was now beginning to like the spiral sensations as they felt strangely pleasant and comforting, giving the feeling that they had to do with something good.
Sunday November 04th.After the Aquarian had rested he joined the engineer for a late lunch after which he started work on completing the Fourth Step notes he had started to make in the rehab, whose insufficiency he had by now become aware of as his view of his character defects had changed. This was in all likelihood due to the 12-Step chanting meditation practice. In the evening he and the engineer got on the Star Ferry over to Hong Kong’s Island where they attended a meeting of the Amateur Angels in the Union Church. There were, indeed, people there from all over and of all nationalities and races. During the meeting he noted that the mysterious spiral sensation in his right ear was markedly increased; there was a connection and he was beginning to be aware of this. The Aquarian decided not to talk about this experience of his for the time being, not even to his engineer colleague.
Monday November 05th.After working on his Fifth Step most of the day, he again in the evening, this time alone, boarded the Star Ferry to cross Victoria Harbor over to Hong Kong Island for a meeting of the Amateur Angels. This time it was in the Church of St. James. Again he enjoyed the meeting immensely and picked up a number of valuable points. The meeting was a round table discussion and when it got to his “sharing his experience, strength and hope,” he again went into a dialogue about the production of endorphins in the human brain. After the laughter subsided, the chairman of the meeting tried to advice him on “Keeping it Simple,” but that was some-thing which the Aquarian did not fully comprehend. His difference between the simple and the complicated was the understanding. Once complex things were understood they became simple.
Tuesday November 06th.At midday the Aquarian and his colleagues again departed Hong Kong and continued their journey eastbound, with the captain flying east and the Aquarian west, since they were to return to Taipei. After nine and a half hours, and after crossing the international dateline on the North Pacific organized track systems, they arrived in Anchorage where they had nine hours in a Hotel before returning again westbound.
Wednesday November 07th.The Aquarian’s flight departed Anchorage at mid-day, with the Aquarian flying they arrived in Taipei in the late evening for an hour of loading and then continued to Hong Kong where they arrived after midnight for a two day layover in the Sheraton hotel, Kowloon. Again the Aquarian was aghast over the fact that he seemed not half as tired as he had become used to, the mucus film in his eyes was no longer clogging after long flights as it had been doing for years. The whole condition of his body was changing and he was noticing much to his satisfaction that he was loosing weight without being on any special diets.
Thursday November 08th.After the nights rest, the Aquarian awoke early and enjoyed a selected breakfast, then spent the day completing his working the Fourth Step notes during which he came to his final analysis regarding his character defects, which would turn out to be the focal point of the truth in the matter. He had been living with a dual morality, ambivalent morality, and this was the true nature of his wrong doings. This had been the cause for the ambivalence in his emotional life. Christ had been right in his carnal commandment when he had said; Do onto others as you would have them do onto you. Unknown to the Aquarian, his review of the Fourth Step and his preparations for the consummation of the Fifth Step, were made with such a degree of sincerity that this had already made some profound changes in his brain and that he was in reality beginning to achieve conscious contact with the mysterious force field that created and sustained all life.
Friday November 09th.They arrived in the late evening and departed again shortly before Hong Kong airport noise-abatement curfew time, with the Aquarian and his crew-mates on board dead heading the hours flight to Taipei. There the aircraft an hour and a half on the ground for off-loading and loading and the Aquarian and his mates now took over the flight and departed again a couple of hours after midnight. The Aquarian again flew the aircraft to Bangkok and the captain assisted, with the roles reversed on the next leg to Dubai.
Saturday November 10th.On arrival in Dubai Hyatt hotel the Aquarian retired in the early evening in order to be rested for the flight to the City of Luxembourg in the early morning the next day. He was a sleep within ten minutes after he was in bead. This had been the part of the Far East trips that had been the worst and he had on the average, only gotten two to three hours of sleep, since he could not use alcohol as a sleep inducing agent in these cases. It did not match the law and his personal standard for being responsible, and stuck to this determination not to drink the day before his flights.
Sunday November 11th.Twenty four hours after their arrival in Dubai, the Aquarian and his mates were on their way to the City of Luxembourg where the touchdown was in the mid morning hours and the Aquarian could look forward to five days off. It was the same experience all over, the jet-lag and flight stress during the trip seemed to be out of his life and he was not having any trouble falling asleep and awoke rested after six hours. This was sure to be that “Pink Cloud” they had talked about in the therapy; this was the life. This was relay good and what was more, it was getting better by the day. As far as he was concerned this was all a-ok if it was like this for the rest of his life. Good things came slowly, but they came. Why the hell had he not thought of going for therapy before? The memory of what it had taken for him to be able to make the decision to go for therapy came to him and he had his answer. In the late afternoon he went into the town of the City of Luxembourg, he wanted to buy some children’s Biblical picture books for his daughters. In the preceding days, particularly while he had been reweaving the Fourth Step, he had become conscious of the fact that his daughters were not getting any spiritual upbringing on the parents behalf and he wanted to make up for some of it at least by the gesture of bringing them these books. Later this gesture would backfire on him when his wife and other family members would look upon it as a sign of insanity.
The First Encounter with the Sponsor.
In the late afternoon the Aquarian had run his errands and he now made a call to his newly acquired sponsor and asked if he could take her out for dinner and some Fifth Step talk, which to his joy was accepted. They met in a French/German restaurant in the City where they ordered their favorite foods but as they got towards the end of their meal, the Aquarian started his discourse on the Fourth Step and this was done as he was best conscious. His sincerity was unmistaken as he recounted a brief summary of his life’s failings and his final analysis of how he had lived a life of dual morality. That was the “nature of the wrongs,” which he was trying to get at.
Anura listened to his admissions with compassionate commentary in between as he tried to describe the overall picture of his errors of a dual morality leaving out the details after which he took her home and went to his studio rest. After they parted, he noted that there was an exceptionally strong spiral sensation in his right ear and this kept coming and going until he fell asleep. Perhaps this was a sort of a grade on the Fourth and Fifth Step from his Higher Power or God himself. -- Ah, what rubbish!
Monday November 12th. Third Anxiety-Warning.Couple of hours after awakening the Aquarian found himself on the autobahn to Germany, while experiencing the spirals on the way. However, for a brief spell he experienced an anxiety attack out of the blue, with its negative thoughts and unpleasant sensation in his abdomen. The sensation was not quite as bad as the other times and did not last as long but he had to park his car for a while getting over this and soon he was back on the road.
When the Aquarian had greeted his wife she told him that her father was in the hospital and there had been a diagnosis of cancer in his liver and the doctors were looking fore cancer elsewhere in his body. It looked bad, the old man was 84. The Aquarian found that he was glad that he had directly after his therapy gone to the old man and asked his forgiveness for all the nasty things that he had or might have said or done to him.
In the evening the Aquarian went to his favorite German meeting where he talked about his positive experience with the Fourth and Fifth Step and his puzzlement at the reoccurrence of the emotional upsets. On his returned home his wife began her third expression of annoyance; “Ws it going to be like this for the rest of his life? The Aquarian gave his prior explanations that he had not yet fully recovered and tried to encourage her to attend the groups for the relatives, but this she told him was impossible since they could not afford babysitters.
Tuesday November 13th.The days at home with the family, had like his days at work, been enhanced in a similar manner. His children became a source of joy for him, joy he realized he had not been capable of perceiving while he was using the alcohol. He visited his father-in-law regularly and so did he attend the Amateur Angles every evening. Life was good. There was however some decrease in the frequency of the spirals in his right ear and he thought that this was now to disappear. It was in all probability some malfunction in the nerves in the ear and was now disappearing on its own accord.
Wednesday November 14th.The live of the Aquarian proceeded now according to a much improved routines and he continued his studying. In the afternoon he took his nine year old hyperactive daughter to a pedagogue who was specially trained in helping such children. Christine was the child which the Aquarian’s wife had been carrying shortly after their worst marriage crises. At the age of seven, ADHD, or hyperactivity had begun to appear in her and one of her eyes had started to turn inward. The mother, who had to make the decisions and take care of these matters alone during her husbands drinking years, had brought their daughter to a doctor who prescribed Amphetamine type medication (Neuro-exciter or Speed), but this had not worked.
The Aquarian was slowly becoming conscious of the involvement of his alcoholism in causing his daughter to be the way she was; but he had come across a small booklet on children of alcoholics by the groups of the Adult Children of the Amateur Angels. In this publication the relation to the parents alcoholism was shown and the Aquarian felt a strong desire to do all he could to correct this condition. While he was talking to the young woman pedagogue, she started to ask him about himself and he told her all about his alcoholism and how he was learning to deal with it. To her amazement, as much as the Aquarian’s himself, he told her that he had not been experiencing any negative feeling for over two months, with the exception of three very brief episodes. The pedagogue remarked; “You talk as though you were from outer space,” and the Aquarian realized that what he had said was true and to his consciousness came the thought of the Mr. Spook in StarTreck.
Thursday November 15th.The next day the Aquarian again took his daughter to the pedagogue and this time he brought the younger girl, Carolin, along. She was now four and a half year of age and was showing signs of becoming quite a bright child; fortunately the hyper-activity had not manifest in her. While they were waiting for Christine, he took the little one to a restaurant and while he was talking to her, he realized that he could recapture some of the simpler philosophies of life from her. What he noticed most, was that she was living “In the Day to Day” concept that he was trying so desperately to learn, and he realized that she was doing this while this was natural to her. Her parent were more or less her Higher Power and she worried not about yesterday or to morrow, nor about what others were thinking, nor how they were or what they would do next. In the late afternoon he visited his father-in-law but he had been getting hallucinations in the hospital and the doctor had told the nurses to give him some beer and the hallucinations had disappeared.
Friday November 16th.On the seventeenth the Aquarian was to travel commercially to New York and then to take the Miami, Houston flight back to the City of Luxembourg and in the afternoon he was back on the country routes. When he was driving the spiral effect in his right ear became quite strong and so did his wondering. Maybe he should go to a doctor after all? When he arrived, he called Anura and asked her out for dinner and another Fourth step talk and an hour later they were sitting in his favorite Luxembourg restaurant.
The Second Sponsor Encounter.
While Anura enjoyed her meal, he again went through the nature of the moral failings in his life and again he got to the same final analyzes of his dual morality. On returning to his studio preparing to go to sleep, he experienced extraordinary strong spiraling sensations in his right ear. There simply had to be some connection to these spirals and what ever he was doing about working on his sobriety; this could not be a neurological malfunction. He felt some strange feelings of joy at the thought about this, could this have something to do with what the Amateur Angels referred to as the grace of God. Well, he had completed the Fourth and the Fifth Step, but would be capable of living up to the results it had given him. Would it not just be the same old thing? Again the answer popped out of nowhere into his head; the Sixth and the Seventh Steps would take care of that.
Saturday November 17th.The Aquarian awoke the next morning and this time he was in a state which could only be described as euphoria, the spirals were even appearing while he was shaving. This was crazy, what ever it was. At noon he was on board a DC 8 from Atlantizair heading for New York via Atlantiz, were they rest for the night in the Kennedy Airport Hilton. A couple of hours after their arrival, the Aquarian made a call to the counseling service the company had hired in the States. The counseling agency consisted of two Professional Angels, a husband and wife team that was situated in Orlando Florida. The husband counselor, which the Aquarian got on the phone, was an Atlantizian, Mr. Henstep Hanjoson, who had gone for a nine months course in counseling on chemical addictions at the Hazelden Foundation in Minnesota. There he had met the woman he was now married to and who was running with him the agency, Cornerstone Institute, Inc. The Aquarian asked him for some information of possible therapies in Europe for his wife. The counselor gave him information on the only Amateur Angles program therapy in Germany and then asked him about the progress of his recovery and they talked for a while. Little did the Aquarian know the real nature and character of this man but later he would be forced to uncover what sort of fellow he was. It would then be a little late for by that time this so called counselor would through his errors, have the life of the Aquarian tumble into ruins and afterwards he would refuse to correct himself.
In the early seventies, Mr. Hanjoson had found himself in serious trouble with his drinking through the fact that when he got drunk, he would become violent and being a big and strong man, would frequently end up physically attacking his drinking companions and inflict on them grave physical harm. He then went to the newly founded Amateur Angles in Atlantiz and started sobering up, leaving out the concepts of faith in a Higher Power. A couple of years later he got an opportunity to become an amateur counselor in the government’s clinic for detoxification and rehabilitation in Atlantiz, where the approach to deal with addictions was based on a mixture of the Amateur Angels techniques and those of classical psychiatry. Mr. Hanjoson worked in this clinic until it was discovered that he was being called the “fucking counselor,” since he was discovered to be taking advantage sexually of the female patients entering the clinic. One of the patients had tape-recorded him in his actions and this was then played for the psychiatrist in charge of the clinic and then for Mr. Hanjoson while he was being dismissed. At this stage of the Aquarian’s evolution he had not knowledge of the past of Mr. Hanjoson, nor had he any knowledge of the quality of his recovery. Even less did he know of Mr. Hanjoson’s still functioning ego-motives in trying to make money on the sufferings of others addicts by misguiding them into the counseling of none-addicted psychologists and psychiatrists, whose dangers Mr. Hanjoson did not recognize, in spite of the fact that during his training at the Hazelden, he as well as the other, had been warned against this.
The Aquarian asked Mr. Hanjoson, regarding possibilities for his wife getting a therapy in Europe and Mr. Hanjoson gave him a phone number of a psychologist in Germany. When the Aquarian enquired whether the psychologist was addicted himself, he got to his surprise a question back; what does that matter?
Sunday November 18th.On his arrival in Luxembourg shortly before midnight the Aquarian decide to take his rest in the village of the Shakes and visit with some friends, but unknown to the Aquarian, he is now coming to the main turning point in the beginning of his “Spiritual Rebirth,” which is a process that should have been begun in his 14th year of life and been completed at about the age of 21, had the environment he was born into been naturally healthy according to the laws of nature.
Monday November 19th.Awakening early on Monday the Aquarian got into his car to return to his family in Frankfurt about midday. During the drive he noted that the spirals were there, strong as usual when he was driving home, but now he further noted that though he was thinking about his wife’s infidelity, this no longer produced any upsets or the gut-sensation.
The later part of the day he spent reading the dreaded Sixth Step, which in the Aquarian’s mind led to the strangest of the Step, the Seventh. How could anybody expect some unseen power, if it at all existed, to remove such things as “Character Defects” embedded in the genes of the subconscious part of the human brain from where they manifested in the psych? All this seemed most peculiar and speculative to the Aquarian. However, he now noted that he had changed somewhat in his feelings towards this undertaking after his experience with the Fourth and Fifth Steps. This no longer seemed as something out of the blue. After all there was something very mysterious, apparently spiraling into his right ear and most probably disappearing into his brain and it was somehow connected to what he was doing and the sum total of it all was that he was feeling even happier.
The Aquarian would now stay with his family until the morning of the 5th of December 1984, when the most fateful trip of his life would begin; a trip that would signal the beginning of the end of him as a normal human being.
Tuesday November 20th.The Aquarian spent the time during the day, alone at home, his wife was working and the children were in the kindergarten. Most of the day went into continuing the reading of the Sixth Step and this was followed by attempts at meditating the suggestions that were in the written material accompanying the Step. The apparently friendly spirals were playing with his brain while he was reading, but his head was full of questions. Fortunately, there were also appearing some answers in his head; perhaps this part of the step business was after all not as crazy as it had seemed in the beginning. He found that he needed to read the Seventh Step in continuations of the Sixth, remembering that the Sixth Step was simply a mental or spiritual preparation for the action of the Seventh Step.
Wednesday November 21st.The Aquarian’s day was spent almost exclusively on reading and meditating the Seventh Step. When evening came he had his meal and was of to a meeting with the International Group of the Amateur Angels at the church of Christ the King. The American members in this group spoke with such ease about spiritual matters, especially of God, this strange Power which still seemed nowhere to be found. He decided however to make an attempt at opening his mouth in the meeting and try to express his innermost sentiments regarding his intended approach to this Power for a Seventh Step removal of his character-defects. His fears and difficulties were embedded in his believe that all open dialogues on this would reveal him as childish.
In the course of the meeting he summed up the courage and when he spoke his talk centered on his doubts about God and if he did in fact exist in some form or another, it was doubtful that he would forgive him and restore his character. While he spoke, one of the older Amateur Angels, half smiling, looked him steadily in the eyes and when the older one later spoke he looked at the Aquarian as he talked about how he himself had decided the outcome of the experiment beforehand, and the Aquarian got the message. When it came to the question of God, he was in fact acting exactly opposite to his own favorite principle, that of not deciding the outcome before the experiment. How stupid had he become? After this many members shared their experience with working faith and it worked on the Aquarians sub-conscious more than it did the conscious. The Aquarian was now gradually became convinced that something quite meaningful, if not wonderful, was just around the corner.
Thursday November 22nd. The Day of the Dragon.The Aquarian spent the first part of the morning hours reading the Seventh Step and when the moment of the beginning of the uncovering of the mystery came he had no expectations what ever of what would happen. It was then in the mid afternoon of the last day of the astrological period of the Scorpion, which to me Morgan, as well as my teacher, Merlin, is known as the; “Day of the Dragon”, that the Aquarian, who of course loathed and despised all talks of astrology and who had no knowledge of such things as something called the “Master of the Universal Synchronicities”, would bend his knees in a state of humility praying for the removal of his brain’s functional disturbances. Much the less did the Aquarian--who was not conscious of what date it was--have any conscious awareness of what the concepts of sub-synchronicity connections involved. Coincidences such as those of his physical birthday being the 22nd of January, the current date being the 22nd of November and the street number house in which he lived “22 At the Iron Punch”, would now hit him with a spiritual “Iron Punch”.
The Act of the Seventh Step. “Breaking of the Seventh Seal.”
When he entered the bedroom on the third floor for his intended Seventh Step action, he was determined to give it his best, no matter how ridiculous it all seemed. After all, hundreds of thousands of humans had apparently done this and they had stayed sober.
He undressed, knelt by the bed and folded his hands with closed eyes, and began the utterance of words that were to constitute the Blue Book’s Seventh Step prayer to the unseen; “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.” For good measure the snobbish Aquarian now added the prayer of the young Salomon, which had always impressed, preceding it with the words which Dr. Livingstone addressed his God or his Higher Power; “Benevolent Creator” -- “give thy servant an understanding heart to judge… that I may discerning between good and evil.” It was somehow obvious to him that anyone with such a “spiritually defined quality” as a “discerning heart,” could not be plagued by much character defects.
After the Aquarian had made this brief prayer session he got on to the bed, laid his neck on the tightly rolled together pillow and lay there naked making an effort at letting his wave of consciousness release its contact with the brain’s motor-cortex. The condition the Aquarian had gotten his brain-wave-function into, gave him about a half an hour of shallow sleep, with the conscious awareness drifting about as if it were floating in space. The content of his consciousness became almost none and with it came, for the first time, the spinal vibrations that he was from now on to become used to.
It then happened without a warning. The consciousness in his brain made, what seemed a leap (“quantum leap”) out of the head. The consciousness seemed to move out of the body located about five feet above the body and with this came an awareness of another body accompanying his consciousness. Though his eyes were closed, he somehow perceived his surrounding as though he was seeing it with his eyes and this was not only in the ordinary field of view but all around; behind his head as well as in front of it. The strangest part of the sensation was that at the same time he was aware that his physical body was still lying on the bed, and he could somehow see it. Next there was an immediate sensation of shock at which this alien perception stopped and the consciousness leaped back into the physical body lying on the bead, just as it had departed from it. In a jerking gesture the Aquarian sat up on the bed and looked about exclaiming; “What was this? He moved his body to the edge of the bed and sat there with the fine vibrations continuing through his body for a short while. The Aquarian looked at his watch, it was 1522. There was no question about it, his consciousness had moved into hitherto unknown dimension. This was not the ordinary three dimensional spaces and time. Apparently there was an extra parallel universe, or extra parallel dimension of space itself. The next sensation was a strong feeling of pleasure all over his body, but now his mind was calmly contemplating what had happened. He did not recollect having ever heard the Amateur Angles talk of such an experience. Was he hallucinating? He had a vague memory of having seen pictures and descriptions by people having such experiences amongst which were the great British physicist, Sir Arthur Stanley Eddington himself. Yes, these had been referred to as “Out of the Body Experience” or OOBE. He would have to read up on this and definitely find out all that was to be known about it, but little did the Aquarian know that the 22nd of November was Eddington’s death date 40 years prior.
Suddenly it came to the Aquarian that he had been doing the Seventh Step. Wow, was this the receipt for a successful Seventh Step? What were these Amateur Angels taking him into? What he was doing had to do with the saving of his life which according to those who had the experience could only be achieved through a spiritual experience.
At this stage, the Aquarian had insufficient understanding of what was taking place in his recovery, much less had he any knowledge of the fact that he had just opened pathways from the left hemisphere to the faith-centers in the spatial hemisphere through the brain’s compassion-centers. These pathways ran further through to his Thymus Gland and his Heart but this would not become clear to him until he would read about the discovery of these pathways exactly four years later, or on the 22nd of November, in the November 7th issue of NEWSWEEK. Unknown to the Aquarian, this signaled the beginning of the transfer of the negative character programs that had been superimposed on his Higher Self and which formed the Super Ego in his subconscious. In spiritual terms, this is described as the beginning of the “Dragon and his Angels being cast out of Heaven and down to Earth”, but before that is completed the Dragon will have his last stand by being let loose for a short while beginning at the end of the first 100 days of recovery.
That he had now “Won the Victory and Broken the Seventh Seal,” the Aquarian knew nothing, nor of any prophetic connections to this event. He knew nothing about any Book of Revelation prophesy and all ideas about him personally becoming capable of opening some mysterious scroll and to looking inside it are completely unknown to him. That he has just been through the initiation of the most mysterious events the human body goes through, is unknown to him. That he has just been through a consecration which in the Egyptian mysteries was the one that warranted the pharaohs the headdress of the snake and the eagle, or that which in the ancient Indian Hindu religions was credited to the Kundalini goddess, or in the ancient Greek mythology was known as being touched by the caduceus, the magic wand of Hermes or what some psychiatrists now call the “quantum change”.
Well then, this is our interpretation, of the age old mystery of the Seventh Seal and we personally think it the most realistic one ever advanced in humanity and therefore, we, your friendliest of wizards, Merlin, are signing of and saying goodbye and thank you for your fine attention and patience with our attempts at telling of the unspeakable. We are sure to meet again in our next tail of the macabre and the mysterious in the next Part, but the real mysteries are yet to come, and the most bizarre of all, how all the world’s mysteries are brought to an end. -- Au revoir!
The Sounding of the Seven Trumpets.
“Our normal waking consciousness, rational consciousness as we call it, is but one special
type of consciousness, whilst all about it, parted from it by the filmiest of screens; there lie
potential forms of consciousness entirely different. We may go through life without suspecting
their existence; but apply the requisite stimulus, and at a touch they are there in all their
completeness... No account of the Universe in its totality can be final which leaves these other
forms of consciousness quite disregarded. How to regard them is the question...
At any rate, they forbid our premature closing of account with reality.”
The next part of the AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MR. 666 is:
05 : Prophesy's Second Part
The Blowing of the Seven Trumpets.
The "What Happened!" Part.
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